I don't think my FMIL has much respect for my decisions!

I agree with Brian! Money seems to change people, unfortunately! I really don't have any advice for you (sorry!!!) but I do hope things work out and get better!!

Um I don't see this as a MIL problem at all....She will ALWAYS try to put her opinion in, especially if her money is involved...the REAL problem here is that your FH is not treating you as an equal partner. He changed the decision you came to together without talking to you about it, he chose someone else's side over yours (I don't care WHO it was, even his mother), and he is not listening to your feelings on it now. This isn't about "starting a fight over stupid stuff with his mom" this is about truly starting a solid foundation for a lifelong partnership between the two of you. It's HUGE! It's so much more than just kids at the wedding, it's about his respect for you and for your marriage. That's what you two need to talk about. A united front between you is the most important thing, even in "small" matters like wedding planning. It's not ok that he disregards previous talks you've had just because his mommy says so. Def work on this NOW!! It will only get worse after the wedding

I agree with Laura 100%. You don't have to do anything to make his mom happy (or anyone else happy for that matter). After you are married it is going to be you and him, so it is a definite conversation you need to have with him. And after you guys talk, he has to back you on the fact that NO ONE under 21 is invited from either side. My FMIL said the same thing about kids and my FH and I had said no kids from the beginning. When it recently came up again I asked him what he truly wanted and he said he didn't really care either way, but he agreed with my point that they would be a distraction (for his mom) and it wasn't fair to him. So he told her straight out that they wouldn't be there. First you definitely have to talk to your FH though because it is a huge thing that he didn't choose your side like Laura said. Whatever you do, if you both agree to no children that is the way it has to be...whether his mom likes it or not.

I agree with PP who've stated that this is an indication of what you'll continue to go through with him and his mom. Even if she foots the bill for all the kids to come, IT'S NOT WHAT YOU AND YOUR FH DECIDED YOU WANT FOR YOUR WEDDING. If you decided that as a couple, he doesn't have the right to agree to something different with his mother without discussing it with you. In fact, there should BE no discussion b/c you've already agreed. Just b/c she's contributing doesn't give her the right to bully anyone into doing what she wants. I would not put up with it. I'd pull the plug so quick. I would go off and get married and leave her wondering what the HELL just happened and crying over the money she just wasted b/c she was too much of a b*tch!

I know that my opinion is not going to be favorable however I think that this could have all been avoided if you would have discussed the topic with the parents prior to a final decision being made. Ultimately the decision is yours however this topic always seems to be a source of discord and causes a great deal of stress for all involved no matter who is funding the event. I am not in anyway condoning her behavior and her stance but you have to understand that this is something that her (my) generation is not accustomed to. Possibly siting down with her and explaining your rational might have lessoned the blow and she might have been more accepting of the decision. As a parent I have learned that sometimes masking a decision as a discussion rather than an edit works wonders. My husband and I are hosting the entire event to a tune of 20K plus and my daughter and FSIL always had the courtesy discussing major items with us and getting our input prior to finalizing the decision.

Yeah that would totally piss me off. I think you should definitely hold your ground and get your FH on the same page. And if your FMIL actually follows through with no longer helping finance the wedding then I say you just figure out a way to pull it off without her help because like everyone else said, you give in now and she's going to think that she can do this all the time.

I take in everyones opinion the same, whether I like it or not. I totally appreciate everyones input! This has all been more than helpful and I thank everyone so much!

That's actually a good point mother of the bride. I know if either of our parents had been paying towards the wedding we would have included them in decision making.(that's why we paid by ourselves!) It may still be YOUR wedding, but if someone else is hosting it for you then you should give them the common courtesy and respect of including them, although her bullying and going behind the bride's back is never OK. Fair enough....but at this point it's more an issue between the couple since he disregarded her feelings and changed plans without even talking to her about it. The subject line is "I don't think my MIL has respect for my decsions" but it really should be that "FH doesn't have respect". I know we've thrown a lot at you Theresa. Good for you for being open to hearing it all, even if it's not all stuff you agree with

I am sure that everything will work out. All of us Mothers want the best for our children and I am sure that after your husband sits down with her in private without his siblings and explains things rationally that she will regret her outburst. I don't always agree with my daughter but I do respect that it is her wedding and ultimately the final decision is hers. Luckily we are usually on the same page! As far as a compromise...let the grandchildren attend. Limit children to only his and your siblings. If this is adhered to then your guests will have no reason to question it.

My dad foot most of the bill for our wedding. Not nearly to the tune of $20k but I couldn't see myself spending that on a wedding anyways. Nevertheless, he gave what he was able/willing to contribute and that was the end of it. I can see maybe some guidance if mom is helping to plan like "Here's the budget. Let's figure out the best plan of attack". But here's the thing, the best plan is subjective. Everyone's priorities are not the same. Where to one person the most important thing may be to have all fresh flowers and elaborate centerpieces, to someone else it may seem silly to spend a large amount on flowers and they'd rather spend the money elsewhere. I say as long as they are staying within budget, leave people to have the type of wedding they want. It's THEIR wedding regardless of who's paying the bill. This is the part about weddings that I absolutely DESPISE and I'm so glad this has not been my experience.

You definitely need to discuss this with your FH. Because it is his family, he should step up and handle it. You two already decided to have no kids and he should respect your joint decision and not crumble against his mom. It is your day and not hers, so she should not be trying to play puppetmaster. And I totally agree with your decision to not have kids at the wedding! I don't want kids at mine either, but my FH's younger brother is going to be 7 or 8 when we get married and I can't NOT let him come.

I agree ladylee, I think it would suck to have to compromise on something that you strongly do not want at your own wedding just because a parent decided that since they are helping fund it that they are granted control. If she genuinely wants to help and make her son's day special I would think that she would want them to have their day their way regardless of who's pocket the money is coming out of.

Imagine me being miserable at my own wedding b/c someone else was selfish enough to think that their wishes are more important than mine for the single most important occassion in my life. PUH-LEASE! I would call it all off and elope before I deal with that type of nonsense - and that's exactly what it is NONSENSE.

I am playing devil's avicate here. Theresa how many people are coming to your wedding right now? And how many have kids under 21? Plus add the plus ones for the single people. I would get the math together for your FMIL and sweetly hand her the total cost of adding those 6 kids to the guest list. Not counting the reception cards and a onsite babysitter. Plus I would kick my FH a@@ if he pulled this on me. Mine just shrugs and says its my decision if a issue comes up with his parents. That total could be thousands of more dollars to total cost of your wedding. I fight money with money if the 6 kids HAVE to be invited.

I absolutely understand what everyone is saying! I should make FH sit down and read this whole forum later!! I think I very well may do that actually. You are all so great and honest and I just love that!!

She may have been asking what about the kids because she didn’t know and then shared her opinion but in the end it isn’t her decision..sometimes if they get pushy you have to remind them of their place. Best that the fiancé/husband for this