I don't think my FMIL has much respect for my decisions!

Well instead of sticking up for what I want, he says "yeah, thats fine" Oh no you did not even just say that! I had to bite my tongue because I didn't want to start a fight in his parents house! So after we left I asked him what the hell was thinking?! Well come to find out, before we went to dinner, his mother told him if we don't invite these 6 kids, she will NOT give us a penny! Are you effing kidding?! She said that they are such a "close" family and this is a big event and they should be included! Um NO! If they are such a close family then they should respect my decision and get a damn babysitter! I do not believe a wedding is a place for kids! Especially after I saw how all over the place they were at his sisters wedding last year! I do NOT want that at my wedding and I made that perfectly clear. So for it not to brought up to me I think is rude and disrespectful! Maybe if she approached it a different way then it would have been ok, but to threaten to not help out is B.S!!

And it wouldn't even be that big of a deal if she wasn't giving us almost HALF of what we need!!

I would be very upset with my fh if he agreed with his mom and didnt even tell me about it, when it was something i feel very passionatly about. i think you need to talk to him and let him know that you agreed no kids and he needs to discuss things with his mother and let him know that the 2 of you have decided that the little children will not be attending.

OH and now I am going to like a real @ss when people show up and there sre 6 kids there and I don't even want to think about how p!ssed everyone is going to be when they all had to pay for a babysitter! I am so angry and ready to cancel everything and just elope!

I am so angry with him! But I know if we keep arguing about stupid crap because of his family, it's going to ruin our relationship and that's the last thing I want to happen! I'm ready to tell her if you wanna cough up money for new reception cards and MORE money for the receptions, I will invite whoever you want! She is already giving us A LOT of money too!

I remember being a kid and not being invited to things and my feelings were hurt too, but I got over it! I don't even know what to do anymore! Do I just suck it up and give in? Or do I really test her and tell her NO they will NOT be at the wedding? The I'd be majorly screwed trying to figure out how to pay for this!

It really bothers me when people expect there children to be invited everywhere tehy are, and i think its pretty pathetic that they can not go to one event without them being there.

i think you should stick to your guns about this issue bc it is obvious it is very important to you. unless your FMIL wants to put out the money for you to change everything. the most important thing to do though is talk it over with your FH and let him know how this whole thing made you feel.

Your FH has the responsiblity to clear this up with his mom. Its not fair to only invite these certain 6 kids and no other kids. I would also explain to him that in the future he really needs to run things by with YOU. After all you are going to be his wife, and that means he puts you before all others. I wish you the best--keep us updated on the situation!

If she wants to give us even more money, then I will do whatever she wants, but my sister will NOT be nice if those kids are bad. She told me she will not let anything ruin my day and she doesn't care what his family thinks of her! If his mother would have said this before I sent out the save the dates, it wouldn't be an issue because I just wouldn't have invited his family until she same to her damn senses! I am just so upset that she threatened us. All she had to do was talk to us about it and we could have worked something out like adults!

Brian my sister said the same exact thing!! This whole thing just makes me question if we should even have this wedding! I want to cancel everything, lose all the money we already have invested and just go to an island where we don't have to deal with this! This is the only thing she is insisting on. There are A LOT of people under 21 in his family and she said not inviting them is fine and not doing an "and guest" for people that aren't in a relationship is ok as well, but that these 6 kids HAVE to be there. I told her my own neices and nephews are IN the wedding and they are leaving after dinner and a few dances, and they are all OLDER than his cousins kids and much better behaved!

I really do think you need to talk to your FH about this and then have him clear everything up. I mean he agreed with his mom therefore bringing on this situation. Tell him how you feel and let him know how upset you are about it. What it all comes down to is you have to do what you want and if you don't want those kids there then put your foot down.

I have talked to him about it and let him know exactly how I feel about it, but marrying him means more to me then fighting with him about his mom. I usually stand my ground and end up being the b!tch, but after this past week of me arguing with his family, I can't take much more. I told him I have a lot to think about and he needs to start standing up for me or I don't know what is going to happen. I can't be the reason he stops talking to his family when I am already the reason he isn't as close to them as he used to be, which I know isn't my fault because he never tells me about these parties he has missed, but I know how important my mom is to me, and I wouldn't want to take that away from anyone. I'm just still so angry and I think maybe if I give it a few days then I will know exactly what I am going to do!

BTW Tara, I live in Buffalo too!! I used to work at Citi right near the church you are getting married at!!

Perhaps tell your FH that if his mom wants children there, that she can foot the bill for all the extra kids from boths sides because it would be unfair to have only some and not everyones, and that you two simply can't afford the extra children money and stress wise.

I totally agree Future Mrs.! She can also pay for me to get new reception cards and a babysitter! Ugh!

Did you and your FH talk about what you want--as a couple? I know you said you want no children there, and his mother obviously feels that certain children should be there...did you ask your FH what HE wants? I know everybody says "it's the bride's day," but it's his day too. Maybe you need to sit down with him and come to a decision as a couple. He might have agreed with his mother simply because you never bothered to ask him. I'm not saying that's necessarily the case, but it's a thought.

I totally understand where you're coming from Rosie. We did talk about it and before I ordered the invitations, I asked him if he was completely sure and he said "Absolutely" I told him we have A LOT to talk about later! Maybe he won't come home from work now that I said that! LOL j/k

I TOTALLY know how this feels to feel this way about your FMIL I too feel like this sometimes with mine. I have many situations where My FH has to stand up to his mom. He may not like it but he will have to learn to do it if you are going to be his wife. She also has to learn that you are going to be his wife and mommy dosent decide everything anymore. I say totally stand your ground and talk to your FH and try to make him see how important this is to you. Good luck this is a tough one.

This could set the tone for your post-wedding future! At some point your FH needs to cut that umbilical cord and tell mommy dearest that she is not the first-place woman in his life! She can't do that kind of blackmail AND it's NOT ok for your FH to be sneaky just to please her!

I totally hear ya on that! IF I decide to say "ok" to this ridiculous "demand" and she tries one more thing afterwards, I will tell her to stick the money in her @ss and then she will like a fool when her family that got a save the date don't get an invitation in a few months! It's just such a shame because aside from this I really do love his mom! I just can't believe she is pulling this when she is usually one of the nicest, sweetest women I know!

Touche' Brian!