i cannot believe i am still having this conversation with my parents!!!!!

Ugh I feel you so hard on this. My parents are paying for our reception, so I've been kind of "whatever" about it. But it's getting to the point where half my wedding guests will be my mom's coworkers!!!! She is up to 13 people she (and my brother actually works there too) works with, so an extra 26 people! And I keep telling her "whatever you're paying for it" because the things my fiance and I are paying for won't be affected by the number of guests (like photos and flowers). But I don't even know these people. She's setting me up for that awkward meet-and-greet at my wedding. She insists they all be invited because she's worked with them since before I was born and she's been invited to all of their kid's weddings. I'm trying to just let it go but I know I will be irritated the day of when I have to spend a bunch of time talking to people I frankly don't even know or care about! Yes I will be grateful they came and brought gifts but, if they didn't come, would I even notice? No.

Yes! I’ve had this a LOT! Our wedding is June 1st and future MIL is asking constantly! She just asked again last week and I said NO! We’re allowed 198 guests for our venue and we already have 195! It’ll cost us $400 extra to add a tent to the grounds and whatever the cost of the extra tent is on top of that to add any more ppl!! It’s in a barn, and to me, to then pay to put up a tent because the guest list exceeds maximum capacity is so incredibly stupid. Then we can’t even use the barn we already paid thousands to rent! She tried a guilt trip on me, wellll this, and ohhh then we’ll have to do that, it reallllly puts me out to have to accommodate that. Are you kidding me? I’ve already added the 8 or 10 other people you asked for before! Ugh! Rant over

View Quoted Comment I can understand what you are saying but at the same time. It's like you are telling me to forget about how i feel and what I want just to invite more of my parents-who mean NOTHING to me! And that's not fair. My parents are not paying a dime. I'm not going to be a push over and end up regretting things just so they get what they want.

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OP and April, I'm with you. We had a narcissist parent that said this all the time while wedding planning, which was a manipulative way of trying to get what they wanted. I'm sure Anna and Katie meant well, but I think it's misplaced in this forum. Sorry for your loss ladies, but I'm thinking this is a different situation.

View Quoted Comment Exactly!!! My parents have like made a mental list of everyone they wanted at the wedding from the moment they heard "we are engaged!" And it's like "oh well I guess I'll pay for your friends to eat off my money and not invite anyone I like?" But after yesterday they know I'm done with it this conversation. I'm not adding more people and I dont care who they are

View Quoted Comment I'm sorry that you are dealing with that. My FH and I wanted no help from our parents for that reason to be honest. It would have just gotten out of hand.

View Quoted Comment Actually I'm not telling you to do anything at all, I just know that for me if I had the chance to do anything for my parents I would. I'm just saying to cherish your parents because no one know what tomorrow holds. You should definitely stand up for what you want and what you believe in. I never told you to do otherwise. Never meant it to be taken that way. I said if I was in your shoes that's what I would do. I never said that's what you should do. To each their own. Only you know what will make you happy.

View Quoted Comment I agree. I think we have to be careful with these types of comments, especially when we direct them at people we don’t know on the internet. The intentions may be good but it can come off as guilt-tripping.

There’s nothing to suggest that OP doesn’t love and cherish her parents. She’s just frustrated that they are taking advantage of her wedding, and she has every right to feel that way. It’s perfectly natural to feel annoyed or frustrated with loved ones sometimes. Her parents are behaving badly and her concerns are valid. We don’t know OP or her relationship with her mom and dad so it’s not our place to tell her she needs to appreciate them more.

We are having a small wedding of 60 people and are paying for the entire thing ourselves. I don't talk to my parents, but I anticipated some issue like this from my in laws. So far they have not given us any problems because they are just happy to have a relationship with us, but my MIL is also getting her way with my SIL's wedding in two weeks, so after that is over maybe they will start harassing us, but I'm not budging. They can pay if they want people we don't speak to to come.

View Quoted Comment Actually my comments were directed at me and what I would give to be in her shoes.

I never said her feelings weren't valid. She is entitled to feel anyway she wants and to treat her parents anyway that she wants.

I did suggest to step back and look at the big picture.
I said everyone should cherish their parents because you never know.

I know, and I completely understand where you’re coming from. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with your comments at all, and I am sorry for your loss. I can tell you miss your mom, your love for her is palpable in your comments. But since several others have chimed in on this since then, I just wanted to reiterate for OP that she is doing nothing wrong by venting, and at the end of the day, none of us really know her relationship with her parents. Maybe she does need to “see the other side”, as someone else said...or maybe she loves them to death and just needed a minute to vent.

Yes! My Mother is wanting to invite some of her cousins from NY (I live in TX) that I have never even met. She is also wanting to invite people who I haven't seen since I was at least 4 years old.. it wouldn't be such a problem but my FH and I are paying for everything ourselves so I feel unnecessary invitations and postages are a bit ridiculous for people I don't even speak with.

View Quoted Comment I told my parents that my wedding is not a reunion.. if they do not my fh or anything about me now then they do not need to be there. It is ridiculous! They are uncomfortable about being around my fh family since they do not know them personally but I told it's too bad.

Yep, you aren't alone. Although, nothing like yours have been. His parents asked about a few people early on and my mom asked about my dad and brother (I dont have a great relationship with either) but that was it. Out of all their requests, we only added 1 person. After that, we told them the guest list was decided already and we were at capacity and thankfully they have left the topic alone.

Omg yes, I just keep telling myself they wi get over it.It is our Day and I want who I want there period.

View Quoted Comment It's just annoying since I have sent out the invitations to everyone and I want my RSVPs in this Wednesday (wishful thinking) I only have 30 out 70.. but it's like come on... I want to move on from adding people to the guest list. And worry about other parts of the wedding!

View Quoted Comment Same here. Luckily they have stopped bring it up!

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Right! At least ours came early. They should have gotten the hint by now. Sorry you are still having to deal with this.

I am dealing with something similar. I am ready to yell at my mom. She made me invite my uncle who my FH and I don't want there (because of something they did to her). I sucked it up and invited him. We had an RSVP date of May 1 and he never RSVP. She tried to reach out after the day and he still didn't respond. So FH and I decided that to anyone who doesn't respond to our attempt after the RSVP date will be counted as a no and they will not be able to be accommodated. However, my mother is trying to force us (we are paying for our own wedding) to pay for a spot for him "in case he decides to show." It is so frustrating because parents don't really understand how annoying it can be to pay for each person that they want to be invited. I hope you can get it figured out

I'm so sorry you are still having to go through all this! I honestly can't imagine having to have the same conversation over and over again. The day we told our parents we got engaged we also told them we want a super small wedding-so now aunts, uncles, cousins, friends of family, etc. I guess we're very lucky to have them support that and not put the pressure on to invite people we don't want there.

Continue to stick to your guns!