How to remove a Bridesmaid

So youre asking us how to tell her that she’s no longer invited? Are you willing to lose your friendship over this?

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Honestly as sad as it is yes, I would say we were closer friends before I asked her to be in the wedding party because I don't think I really knew her that well. But the more I've gotten to know her the less I think I like her as a person. I just don't like to be mean or hurt peoples feelings but I feel like she's just going to continue to cause trouble. Like for example, I told her I'm moving back to California in March (mind you we work together) and instead of her being excited and happy for me like my other friends she says "well I better make sure I request my time off then for my trip to California in March so I don't get denied because you're gone" which makes sense BUT I really feel like any and every conversation we have has to be all about her and what works best for her... and I just don't know what to do about it anymore.

Just tell her that you can't accommodate what she's asking for. You hope that she can make it work, but if she can't, you completely understand.

I wouldn't kick her out of the wedding. I'd let her do it herself.

View Quoted Comment This. If you kick her out instead of her just not being able to make it work, not only is that the end of the friendship but it’s probably going to make work super awkward too.

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I won't be working with her for much longer, I'm moving to CA in March, so I mean I could always put it off until then if I have to. I just don't want to look like a total B.

I would just have a discussion and level with her that you are not going to be paying for her flight, hotel, rental car, etc. (for her or any of your bridal party). Let her know that it's just not in your budget to do this for so many people so you are trusting each person can fund their own trips. If she can swing it great but if she can't, tell her completely understand that she won't be able to participate. I am thinking she will end up dropping out which is far preferable to "kicking" someone out.

View Quoted Comment Dont put it off. Just tell her that you cant pay for her flight/accommodations etc. That way she has time to figure it out or she'll just tell you she cant swing it. If you drag it out you'll look worse IMO.

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This exactly. Why make it awkward?

Just tell her you can't accommodate the things she is asking for and while you'd love for her to be a part of your wedding you completely understand if she can't afford everything and she will be missed.

That way she can figure it out if she wants to and if she doesn't then it isn't on you and you didn't have to potentially mess up a friendship by kicking her out of your wedding.

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I like that idea, I think that's the best plan of action. It'll just be a hard conversation to have.

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Don't do this. Be an adult. Be straight up with her. Let her take herself out of the party. You will absolutely look like a total B if you just ghost her. Don't do it.

So I think the issue here is that there was never any communication about what being a bridesmaid means. Agreeing to be a bridesmaid means you will use your own finances to buy a dress and show up for the wedding, whether you need to drive there or fly to the venue location. I would have this conversation with her to clarify that being a bridesmaid is essentially showing up in a dress, and if someone is unable to or is stressed about their ability to get there and get time off to be there, it is completely understandable to decline the role of bridesmaid.

However, "removing her," should not be the goal. Clarifying what agreeing to be a bridesmaid means is.

This is why you dont ask people you arent close to. I agree with LB. Let her know you arent covering any of those things and let her bow out on her own.

I agree with PP. Let her know you're not able to accommodate her and if she can't afford it, you're sorry to hear, but if she can, ok. I think a lot of people feel pressure when asked to be apart of a bridal party, so they say yes. I would give her an out so that way if she does decide she can't make it, it'll all be on her instead of you. Also, uneven sides are totally doable. FH has one more than I do and it doesn't look funky at all.

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Exactly this.

Before you let her go, sit down and reset expectations. Explain that you can't afford to pay for her flights, car, room, etc. If she decides she can't participate then be understanding and let it go. If she pushes back hold firm.

I think if you tell her that you are not able to accommodate her she'll remove herself. Politely say "Hey I know traveling to California is a lot for you with flights, the hotel and everything. I would love to be able to help but I truly can't. I want you to know that you can tell me if you really can't do this. I won't be upset with you"

IF she is a true friend be honest, let her know you cannot accommodate her. My thing is I asked my bridesmaid with pure confidence knowing they really can say no, When I asked them I even said if it is to much financially or stressful or any of this let me know and do not worry! My fiance did the same with a groomsmen who most likely cannot accommodate his attire as he is going thru some things so my fiance let it go. I have 1 bridesmaid who is dealing with financial issues as well and I asked her the other week actually if she is okay because I am not forcing anyone. I know how you feel you are afraid to offend anyone that is how i felt, however IF and only if she really is a true friend she will understand. IF she doesn't then she was not meant to be a bridesmaid anyway

I would just let her know that the rest of the bridal party is taking care of their own accommodations so you did not plan on doing it for her. I would explain if that means she can't make it, you understand and you appreciate her willingness to be a part of your event.

I don’t think the conversation has to be awkward or uncomfortable. She’s already asking the questions so you just need to give her the answers. Say that you are super grateful that she agreed to be a BM but after talking it over with FH you both agreed that you won’t be able to accommodate any expenses for the bridal party. Then you can just say that you would still love for her to be in the wedding but if she’s unable to make it that’s fine too and you understand. Definitely don’t put it off! You’ll just stress yourself out more