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Just Said Yes September 2019

How to remove a Bridesmaid

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Caitlin, on October 19, 2018 at 12:43 PM

I need advice. A little backstory. My fiance and I live in Minnesota, he was born and raised here, I was born and raised in California. All of our friends are in MN but we have decided to have a small wedding in CA instead. The original plan was to have just 6 people in the wedding party, my 2 best girlfriends, my fiances 2 groomsmen, and us, then 6 became 8 which was no big deal, until my fiance asked his cousin to be in the wedding leaving me 1 bridesmaid short, which I know is no big deal but I wanted to have an even number so I asked one of my newer friends that I work with because we were close at the time and she said yes. Awesome right? No. Because since then she has constantly asked me what I am going to do to accommodate her since I'm making her go to California. Am I paying for her room, how long are we staying, does she need a car, who's paying for flights....? None of my other bridesmaids expect anything like this from me. I feel like she's making my wedding all about how I can help her and I feel like if she cannot afford to go she should just be honest with me. Am I wrong for feeling this way? What would you do in my situation? Thanks!

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Dedicated June 2020
La · on October 19, 2018 at 5:52 PM
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"I'm sorry, I think I may have been unclear originally. I will be unable to pay for your accommodations, car, or flight. Here is the hotel block that we have gotten with a discounted rate [assuming you have one] or, I would recommend looking for an AirBnB. If you are looking for cheap flights try Spirit or Frontier, but be aware of their limited baggage policies. Southwest is also another good option."
In terms of the car, I'm not sure if she needs one or not. Does she? Can she stay at an AirBnB and Uber? Is there anybody she could catch a ride with? Can she get a ZipCar membership? Is there public transportation anywhere around the venue? If she does need a car, you can tell her to check out Turo. They're usually cheaper than traditional rental cars.
And you're not "making" her go. You invited her to be a BM and she said yes. Typically being a BM comes with costs associated with it. Particularly if travel is involved. I mean, it's in no way traditional for a bride to be covering all these costs for her party.
Once she is aware that you aren't covering these costs and it's not a free trip to Cali (...which may be why she said "yes" in the first place...), one of two things will happen. 1) She will back out on her own, or 2) she will pay out and attend.
Let her choose what she wants to do.
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Just Said Yes September 2019
Caitlin · on October 20, 2018 at 9:50 AM
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I’ll definitely do that, but yeah my MOH knew what she was getting in to when I asked her, she did the math pretty quick and was honest when she told me it was a lot of money but she has no problem investing in her friends wedding because she knew I’d do the same for her. I just think I made the mistake of asking someone I didn’t know very well. We will see what happens. I’m going to start by just sitting down with her and letting her know that I cannot accommodate everything she needs me to accommodate and then we will go from there. Wish me luck!
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Master 0000
Judith · on October 20, 2018 at 6:50 PM
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I think this is the right way to handle things.
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April 2019
Saraí · on October 22, 2018 at 9:13 AM
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I wouldn't just take her out, like most of the other girls said, communicate with her and let her know what the bridesmaids roll really is and let her decide.
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