How to Nicely tell people they aren't invited!

My way of handling this is going to be simple. But you may feel it's rude.

I am just not giving them an invite. And that's that. Especially if it's someone your close to, I wouldn't worry about it.

I am very blunt about things. you may just want to tell someone that you only invited immediate fam and friends.

We are encountering something similar-one 'nice way to say it' is we are trying to keep it small due to limited space at the venue. Unfortunately we don't have the luxury of using a similar excuse bc our venue can accommodate up to 400 ppl. We are in the 160 neighborhood... We have been just avoiding it and or using the good old excuse of trying to keep it relatively small.. but as we get closer (currently about 6 months away) there will be tons more pressure.

Good luck!

Yeah I mean I don't think its rude but then I'm thinking of those people will take it as being rude :/. And then its just an issue because for example there are a few friends of the family who have a large family and say we only invite the husband and wife as the heads of the family and not their adult children who we also know. Just wondering how to say it without them feeling pissed. Like oh only two of you from the family even though we know all of you. I dunno but your right blunt gets the job done. Just wondering how to get around it nicely since I know a lot of people might feel entitled to getting an invitation. Appreciate your input! thanks

I have to deal with the same thing. i delt with it by thinking of the people that have been there the most through our relationship. like who have we hung out the most with and who really knows us as a couple. and that helped cutting people out

Oh i just read yours summa as i posted my previous reply sorry! yeah its a lot of pressure to keep things small. i wish you guys luck too. hopefully people are more understanding than we think... Yikes!

I would be up front anytime anyone talks about it, have a prepared answer, like "We are keeping it small and are inviting a limited number of guests". They'll get the picture.

I think it is rude for people to assume/ ask if they are invited! So i tend to smile sweetly, and say I am sorry, but we are keeping it small.... That is it! You owe no further explanation or apology.

We use the " I am very happy that you would like to attend my wedding however, due to our budget we just cannot afford to invite everyone we know. I am very sorry but we are at our limit."

It's so hard to decide, I know. We cut the kids to save $$$. We also invited the mother and father, but not adult children we aren't as close to. It's hard to cut people, but it has to be done. My FMIL wants to hold a "post wedding party" for all of the people they wished could be invited. It kinda makes me sad b/c I feel like my family can't give them the wedding they want, AND I feel like they could just contribute to help if they cared so much, but oh well. Etiquette may rule out the post wedding party concept--I've never heard of it previously. I've said it was a small wedding with our close family and family friends to the bold ones that ask. It's hard to please everyone, but it's smart to stay strong and don't get yourselves stuck! Good luck!

Ashley: We might be having a couple of post-wedding parties since ours is a very small DW across the country. I've actually had several friends who were invited but couldn't attend ASK us to have them. If you're worried people will see them as a shake-down for gifts, you can always put "no gifts, please" on the invites.

I am having the same issue. We are having our wedding at the church and reception at a different venue. For those who are rude and ask, we tell them everyone is welcome to attend the wedding, but we are holding a private reception. They way they know not to show up there. I dont mind them coming to the wedding but I just cannot afford to pay for all of them at the reception!!

I am sure some people will be hurt, and I actually feel really bad, but FH and I are paying for this on our own so we cant invite everyone we know.

My girlfriend mentioned that she is inviting those not so close to cocktail hour, meaning after dinner. Not sure if she will have open bar for them as well, but that is one way they can go and celebrate a special night with you.

This is a tough one...my FH and I know tons of people but have to draw the line. we are not inviting anyone who would open a whole can of worms for a group of people. One of our 'rules' is that we have to have met all the friends we are inviting...so on the day we are not being itroduced to eachothers friends for the first time!

I am also more blunt so on my web page it clearly states that invitations are ONLY for whom they are addressed. Guests are instructed to talk to me or FH if they want to bring extra people.

Wow thanks ladies!! all of you guys have been so helpful. yeah i think on the invitations we just wont leave room to add plus ones and such. i have a similar thing with starsteph were the ceremony site can hold maybe 20 or so more people but then we are having the ceremony and the reception at the same site but in different halls so it would just be tempting those who came to the wedding to try and crash the reception and i just would rather not deal with it. yeah i think having a note or something in the invite to talk to us if they are trying to do a plus one or something is helpful and i guess my fiance and i will just have to suck it up and tell people who come to us face to face that its a small wedding and we cant afford to invite everyone. we are paying for a lot of it ourselves too. its just so interesting though because everyone wants to come and i know not everyone will want to pitch in lol. have any of you guys had people get angry with you about the invites?

Yeah and then mostly we are inviting people who like latasha said know us and a little about our relationship. so unless a friend of mine has a husband or longterm that ive met then we kina left a plus one off the list which feels kinda mean but then im not gonna cut my aunt or someone in my family so that a friend can have a plus one. it feels good though that people love us and want to be a part of it. just more people means more stress. my fiance would like it to be more people but honestly thats more food and more coordination and i just cant handle it. neither can our budget! i know once we send out the announcements though its gonna be crazy. because people are gonna tell other people and yeah i guess just cant please everyone so i just need to calm down.

I also am going through the same thing. I bartend on the weekends and most of the regulars assume they will be invited being as I see them on a regular basis. I've actually had to tell several people that we are on a budget and just close freinds and family are invited. I always feel so rude. I've even told one guy MANY times that he is not invited. Needless to say My tips are not as they were! lol! I would never think to invite myself to a wedding or even ASSUME that I'm invited no matter who it was. Anyways...best of luck and congrats!

Same here. I am getting married on a Sunday on purpose.I have a lot of free loader family memebers who like to bring friends and stuff like that. I'm trying to keep the dat on the down low. I won't hand out invitations until a few weeks before. I am totally o.k with people not coming. The after party is at our suite and there are only about 25 people coming to that. as far as the wedding...I'm hoping no more that 100 people, but I'm sure that will take a miracle.

I am in the same boat! I have a FMIL who decided she was going to be a pest about our guests. We have a venue that is seating 50 to 60 and then a reception that will fit 125 comfortably but can hold up to 200 (our food is only for 175 to 200 and I can't guarantee people won't take seconds--it's a buffet of sorts). So we asked her to give us a list of approx 60 (we limited ourselves--I cut out a TON of family)..her list she gives me 2 months later..127!! Gah! So needless to say she is pissed we cut it in half and didn't allow her freeloader drinking buddies to come so she keeps telling me they will show up at the dance. For this reason...I've enlisted a big friend of my big brothers to stand at the door and make sure randoms don't walk in until the food and alcohol as reached OUR guests. Not hers.