How to invite AFTER the RSVP

Don't B-list, ugh!

Yes, Emily, when you put it that way it does sound horrible. That's not how I meant it to come across I was just passing on an idea that I heard because I know Kat and Jimmy are stuck in a bind. Ultimately they will decide the best option that works for them.. but by no means am I saying that's the only way to do it.

If the guest is someone who can accept that there was not room initially, then telling them straight is fine. Inviting someone that you couldn't fit in initially is a hard thing to do, no matter how you spin it.

I'm all for inviting people. I would say what Kat suggested or just tell them, you really wanted to invite them but due to venue limitations, you couldn't until your cousin officially declined, just in case, so you hope they can make it!

I would still appreciate the invite. Chances are, if you didn't make the first cut, you already know you aren't in the b&g's top # anyways, so it would just be a nice gesture they thought of you!

Let me just say, I don't think our guest list will come to a B-list situation. Even so, at least you were thought of AT ALL, and you still have the chance to come and eat/drink/dance for free in most cases.

Don't do this.

It's a brave new WW world... In an ideal situation, you don't B-list people. Our B-list was co-workers who I see every day and it would be nice if I could invite them, but weren't necessary and a couple of my parents friends that I hadn't seen in years. I don't think it's beyond rude to B-list people, though I do think you should do all you can to invite those you REALLY want there (as opposed to the invites to keep peace at work or with your family.)

Anywho, best way is to figure things out well before hand. This blog has a good timeline for sending out A-list/B-list invites if it comes down to that. Look a bit towards the bottom of the post for the timeline tips: http://weddingtips101.wordpress.com/2013/04/13/invitations-time-lines-how-to-address/

It depends entirely on you, your FH, and yall's relationship with these "late invites". For us, we really didn't cut out guest list at all. In fact, my venue has a minimum number for the room, so we were perfectly happy inviting anyone that wanted to come, and have them bring a guest if they'd like. There were probably 10 people that didn't make the original guest list, whether it be because of lack of planning, we hadn't talked to them in awhile and all the sudden they resurfaced, or even meeting some new friends or co-workers. We didn't send these people actual invitations (well, for one neighbor we did hand her one because I had extras). It was just word of mouth "hey, you're coming right? It's at this time and place if you want to...just let me know so I can get a final count". Absolutely no one was offended. Now, if it were a family member....or maybe grandmother's good friend of 50 years, that got "B-Listed", that could be a problem.

So what are you supposed to do if you have say 6 people decline and those spots are open? Just waste the $360 because you don't want to "b-list" Uh no, sorry, but people have to understand how it works, I don't think anyone would be offended. I'm not going to just go throw money away.

@FutureMrsH, if they RSVP "no" you shouldn't be paying for them anyway so that $360 wouldn't be "wasted." Final prices should depend on headcount--if they RSVP no, they're not included in the headcount so you wouldn't be charged.

There is no good way to do an A and B list. Even if you were to say, as some have suggested, "We inadvertently forgot to send out your invitation" it is still a slight and the person will know that and may or may not choose to be offended. Don't do it. It's rude.

It's not rude to B-List if you do it in such a way that B-Listers don't know they were B-Listed. For example, send out your A-List invites 12 weeks out with an RSVP date 6 weeks out. As no's come in, send out your B-List invites. The B-List invites should have an RSVP date 4 weeks from the wedding. Make sure your last B-List invite is sent out no later than 7-8 weeks before the wedding. No one will ever know. Especially if you make sure that people on your A-List aren't in the same social group as people from your B-list.

B-listing isnt rude. People have to face the fact that you can't please everyone and in situations like this, some family members have to ocme first and you have no say in that (especially if the parents are paying for the wedding), or the max the max of the venue youre hving at only allows # amount of people. Just explain that to the people you couldnt originally invite and they'll be happy if they can come.

Just don't do B-listing in a shitty way and there won't be any issues.

Agreed with Erin, can add plus 1s for single guests only. I didn't technically B-list, but once I booked my venue I was able to extend invites to some close co-workers. This was LONG before any invites had gone out or were even ordered. They were overjoyed to be included.

Surprisingly, I thought a LOT about this, last night...and I am not even worried about having to leave too many out. I am probably inviting some who are going to be surprised to get an invite!

But then I started thinking how, sometimes we DO forget someone, for whatever reason, that we had every intention of including, and NOT "B-listing!" Maybe we needed to update their address, and totally forgot? Maybe it was just a brain fart moment? My point is...we DO end up inviting some, later...inadvertently...so no reason we cannot tell that little white lie without feeling horrible about it!

Wow! We didn't expect so many comments. Just to clear things up, we didn't "B-List" people on purpose. The venue we're using has a max capacity of 120. After accounting for family and very close friends, there were only a few spots left for the people we would love to have at our wedding. Everyone we intended on inviting were people we wanted to share our day with, not just an acquaintance or a friend of a guest. With all that said, the fiancé and I decided to be straight up with them and let them know that we want them to attend our wedding but the venue just can't accommodate everyone and would love to have them attend if spots open up. Thanks for everyone's input.

It all comes down to following these rules of "ettiqute" in my mind, some of those are antiquated, outdated, and meant to be broken. Some aren't.

This one. I am not so sure. I am in the process of making the quest list. FI has a friend or two who due to cuts (and the fact that they are obnoxious) are not invited. If we ended up having room, I bet FI will ask, well we have space can X come. (and bring his obnoxious girlfriend, who FI used to date).

So I can see when you go through the list and cut the "non essentials" like my college friends, or his. That when you have space available wanting to invite those people who were cut.

But I say, be happy the wedding party got smaller. YAY.

UNLESS YOU'VE PLANNED OR ARE PLANNING A WEDDING PPL HAVE NO IDEA HOW DIFFICULT THIS GUEST LIST PRIORITIZING CAN BE...

@LILLYBRIDE- IT DEPENDS ON THE VENUE WETHER OR NOT YOU'LL BE WASTING MONEY... LIKE MY VENUE HAS A 110 PEOPLE MINIMUM SO IF 10 PPL RSVP NO, NO MATTER WHAT I STILL HAVE TO PAY FOR THEM 10 PLATES...

"We wanted to invite you, but we were at our maximum capacity for the hall. Fortunately, FH's cousin's wife's stepmother has declined and now we have room for you!"

We have a lot of people from far away that I want to be there, but I doubt can. So I'm inviting a few (not a lot) too many. But I still still expect to not be at capacity after all our rsvps come back, and there are b-listers I will invite after. Out wedding is very small, and I don't feel bad about this at all.

We made our RSVP date two months in advance. Since everyone's traveling. They outta know by then anyhow. And it's on a pretty sticky note that will go inside the wedding invitation, which is a card. I will still have time to send out a second set of invites with the second RSVP date sticky note after our original RSVP date. Easy. And not rude. Just the way life is.