How to invite AFTER the RSVP

I'm not sure there is a way to do this without making them feel like a 2nd choice. There was one person we added on (and a couple people asked if they could bring a s/o and we hadn't known they were dating anyone, so we added those too). The add-on was DH's aunt's ex-husband (father of DH's 4 cousins), who we wanted to invite initially because DH still thinks of him as an uncle, but DH's grandma wouldn't have come if he was there (which he understood), so we initially invited his 4 kids (ages 16-22) and then once we found out that DH's grandma wasn't coming, DH called him and extended the invitation to him as well. They all came and he wasn't offended as far as I know, but barring a weird situation like that, I think you risk offending people unless it's someone you've recently become close to and weren't close when you made the guest list.

The only thing I can think of, is to say, "We sent out invites but I just realized you were inadvertently marked as being sent out to, even though I did not have your address!" OOPS!

I would suggest an early RSVP date so that it doesn't seems last minute when you add your new guests. Perhaps if you don't mind the extra writing, just put "RSVP by: " on the RSVP cards and then write in the date. That way, you can write in a different date and just send them out like this was normal timing

I asked some girls at work they wanted to come so I said we had some people decline we already paid for the food come have a good time here is your info

The best way to do this tell some of your singles that now you have enough room for them to bring a date.

Please don't do this ... it's so rude to your "b-list"

Oh my gosh, please don't B-list people. That is so rude.

You can't. They will feel like a second choice since they ARE a second choice. It's pretty obvious to people when they are "B-listed". I think it's best not to do this unless it is co-workers you have discussed it with ahead of time and they are ok with it.

This is a good question. We just ordered our invites and then ordered 19 more (i know odd number). My FH wants to be able to extend an invite to a few people, tho I'm not sure who he has in mind, IF we get declines back. I told him that I'm not really ok with this b/c it does look tacky. But I've got to loosen the reins on this and allow him to make some decisions.

I read (on WW) about one bride who called up all of her B-List people asking if they had mailed in their RSVP yet (knowing they hadn't received one to begin with) and then acted like it got lost in the mail and sent another. I think that was a fantastic idea, and you can handle your "B-List" without people getting their feelings hurt.

I know a lot of people think that B-Lists are rude - but it's just something that some brides have to deal with. Sometimes families are huge and you become obligated to invite Aunt Ruthie that you haven't seen in 5 years over one of your friends.. When spots open up, I'd rather invite the people that I didn't have room for than to stare at an open seat all night.

Brandy - it won't be an open seat. It will just not be there.

It's rude - there is honestly not a good reason to do it.

Really, Kate? You'd rather not have someone you want to be there attend when you know you have room for them? I think there are reasons based on the situation and the personal preference of the bride. People aren't made out of money, and sometimes these things just happen. We all know how guest lists get out of control. If the people get their feelings hurt, then oh well. Whats the worst that can happen? They don't come to something they were invited to? Otherwise they continue to feel bad because they weren't invited at all.

Just my two cents. I know everyone thinks about it differently. I'm also way more laid back than other people, so I know my opinion isn't something shared by all.

Regardless, Kat and Jimmy - if you want to invite them, do it! It's your wedding.

No, i invited everyone who my husband and i wanted there and made some real life difficult decisions based on our budget and our wants.

people understand that you can't invite a million people to a wedding. but just like everything else in life you have to prioritize. what if no one declines? then you'll be sad that everyone you invited IS coming? that sounds so weird to me.

Why not just tell people the truth? I honestly don't understand why people need to make up elaborate lies to tell someone something that is really simple. It hurts that much more when you find out (or suspect) someone is lying to you then if they are just upfront and honest. Just explain that you are only able to invite so many people and that once you get back the RSVP list you would love to extend an invitation to them if they would like one.

Like jordan, we had some last minute (week of) cancellations for my son and dil's post-wedding luncheon. i asked a few close people i work with if they would like to come and have lunch and celebrate with us, and was honest with them. they came and had a great time and no food was wasted

I am siding with Brandy in this one. Seriously...anyone who has not had unlimited funds to work with, know that cuts are often made. Unfortunate as it is...it happens. Works the same way for those who we just inadvertently forgot to put on the guest lists. Does not mean that they are in the "B List" or less important.

And in all honesty, if someone called me with Brandy's suggestion...or mine...I would appreciate that I was being invited...even if as an afterthought.

Calling your friends / family and LYING to them about sending an invitation is not a fantastic idea. Wow.

Don't B-list. It's beyond rude.

When you put it that way, @Emily...it sounds horrible. =(

Sheesh...I guess there is no real proper way to do this. So the decision is whether or not you want to be proper or not?! LOL

I was B-listed for a wedding last year. The A-list was close family. They invited me and my FH and some of their other friends that they went to high school with. I didn't feel bad at all mainly because I was in the midst of dealing with OUR guest list and I understood how it worked.

They made it known to me though that they wanted to try and fill the spot.. but that they didn't expect so much of their A-list to RSVP No. It hurt them, honestly, to get that many No's from close family.

We were free that weekend, and I hadn't seen them in a while/they moved a week later to another state.

I was happy I was thought of...

It really just depends on the person. Older folks will be offended more likely than the younger ones.