How to deal with uninvited guests...

You said youd be ok with it if they asked. Obviously she did or how would you know?

@Janeen, All of FH's friends that are coming (even their SOs) all know each other. And through FH, I've gotten to know their SO's as well. An SO is not a plus one. A brother or sister isn't a plus one. We aren't allowing plus ones because, that would put us way, way over budget. We politely made this clear to everyone early on.

One of our guests brought her best friend instead of her wife, because wifey had to work.

Didn't bother me any... She didn't ask, but it didn't really change anything or inconvenience anyone.

So its different # of people if someone rsvp's

Mr. and Mrs. xxx

or Mr. xxx and guest

to me thats 2 either way

I didn't mean I'd be okay if she'd asked. What I meant was, it wouldn't have come off as rude.

Then call her up and say no sister. That's what you want to hear and you aren't open to anything else so just get on with it.

It's just illogical to worry about this honestly and what I was getting at is that you weren't being genuine in what actually bothered you. First it was about how all these people will know, then it was about how it opens a door, but the fact is that you want the event to be exclusive. Do what you gotta do, but it seems like most people don't see the big deal.

So you 100% know every single person who is attending? Because that's quite a feat. I hadn't met all of my husband's relatives because they're from out of town and I hadn't met all of my coworker's spouses. It's just silly, IMO, to be that concerned that you "know" every single person.

You already knew the answer to your question before you got here. Go with that.

How did you find out then, if she didn't ask?

Janeen that's kind of what I said... She had her mind made up before posting...

Assume away, please? I'm not sure what that means.

I know many will disagree, but I've never really understood this logic. Perhaps it's my history, but in my family, what your FH's friend suggested is not only acceptable -- it wouldn't be questioned. It's just the way it's always been done. A set number is figured into the PP cost, budget, and capacity limitations. All adults are given plus ones -- marrieds, of course, engaged couples, living together couples, dating couples, two friends, whatever...basically, anyone over 18 is given a plus one. If a married couple is invited and one half of the couple is ill or cannot make it, it is totally acceptable for the other half of the couple to bring a friend, an adult child, a cousin from the other side of their family, or whomever.

We'll agree to disagree on this one, but I think the way you told your FH to address his friend may be slightly confusing to her. You said, "We're only able to accommodate invited guests. We are not allowing any extra people as we feel this is the only way to be fair with everyone." Technically, anyone she brings is not an extra person because that seat was always intended to be filled by the person who walked into the wedding with her (although, in some measure, you are correct -- the sister was not actually invited -- it just seems a little rough to word it that way). It's just that now, the body that will be filling that seat is a different body than the one you expected. You would lose no money at all if your FH's friend attended with her sister, but you would save money if her sister didn't attend in her boyfriend's place. In her mind, that is exactly what it will come down to. I wouldn't want to leave that impression. If this is something that is this important to you, just say that you aren't offering substitutions if half of the couple can't attend. He should tell his friend that this was agreement both of you made when you began to draft the guest list. Leave it at that and don't talk about being fair with everyone.

As I have said, we only want to the people we know to be there. This is a special intimate day for the both of us. FH's friends, as well as their SO's, all know each other. I've gotten to know them. We kindly let everyone know that only SO's were allowed, not plus ones. If we allowed every single person to bring whomever they chose, that would put us way over budget, and therefore we wouldn't be able to properly host everyone.

My cousins husband couldn't make it last minute and she brought her adult daughter. It was awesome. It was fine. The world still turned and the building didn't burn down. Maybe as a wedding is a "couple" event she doesn't want to be alone? Maybe she wants someone to talk to?

I always enjoy posts that are essentially "I'm ranting, please join me in saying this person is despicable for doing this thing so I am validated" where the community disagrees with the OP. lol

Janeen wrote, "By that token, I should have excluded the wives of my coworkers. I had never met them. lol"

Damn. Janeen, how do you always manage to say in one breezy sentence what I say in a paragraph (or two)? It has to have something to do with government training, lol.

SHHHHHHHHHHHHH! You can't expose my secrets!

Your logic still makes no sense. So if you have a guest who is married, but you've never met their husband, they aren't allowed to bring him? You are starting to sound like (gasp) a bit controlling here. Let it go. Not worth it.

This sounds more like you wanting to exclude people than celebrate your marriage.

Neither FH or I know every single person invited to our wedding. I have invited a friend I have known for over 25 yrs, but I have not met his long time girlfriend (our schedules are pretty much opposite). I would never exclude her because we haven't met. Neither of us have met my cousin's fiancé, but he is invited.

Yes, both my friend and cousin will know other people at the wedding, but they are still allowed to bring another person. If that person can't make it, I do not care if they bring a "substitute". I have a food and beverage minimum to meet, so as long as the total number doesn't go up, the price will be the same.

eta: Our guest list is only 70 people - much more "intimate" than yours.

Intimate wedding is not 120 people. Intimate would be under 30.

"As I have said, we only want to the people we know to be there. This is a special intimate day for the both of us."

But you're planning for 120 guests? Not exactly intimate.

It's not the end of the world if someone that you don't personally know comes to your wedding with an invited guest...especially if it's not changing your head count. At least this person was kind enough to ask you about it. I think you're causing yourself stress over nothing.

So one person bringing a RELATIVE (not some random crackhead they met in the alley on the way to your wedding) is going to ruin your intimate gathering of 120 of your closest friends and family.

Ok then.