carriemichelle
VIP June 2016

How to deal with uninvited guests...

carriemichelle, on May 19, 2016 at 2:47 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice

"Hey, we're glad you're able to come to our wedding, but we're only able to accommodate invited guests. We are not allowing any extra people, as we feel this is the only way to be fair with everyone. I hope this doesn't affect your decision to attend."

This is what I told FH to say to one of his friends. Her boyfriend (who was legit invited, because duh) isn't able to make it, so she took it upon herself to just say she's bringing her sister instead. Um...say what now? Why...why do people still do this? It would've been different if she had said "Hey, my boyfriend is unable to make it, so would it be cool with you guys if I bring my sister instead?" But nope. Assume away please.

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91 Comments

  • Mrs. CK
    VIP November 2015
    Mrs. CK ·

    Meh, unless you're doing a super intimate wedding (like less than 30 guests) I'd let her bring her sister instead of the boyfriend.

  • Janeen
    Master January 2015
    Janeen ·

    Hm. I know others will agree with you, but honestly I did not mind if people chose their guests to be someone other than their S.O. as long as they didn't like....try to add two extra people.

  • GryffinBride
    VIP June 2016
    GryffinBride ·

    As long as it doesnt affect the headcount, I would be fine.

  • Swin.
    Master June 2016
    Swin. ·

    I think this is fine. You already counted her boyfriend for coming, so what's the difference?

  • carriemichelle
    VIP June 2016
    carriemichelle ·

    FH doesn't even know this friend's sister. Everyone that's invited (and their SO's)...we know them. And if we let this person bring whomever, it's like opening Pandora's Box. It'll be a snowball effect, and we do not want everyone asking if they can bring whomever. This is what causes guest lists to blow up. This is a special day for us, therefore we are only inviting those we actually know.

  • FutureLivi
    VIP June 2017
    FutureLivi ·

    I wouldn't mind it. Honestly, two years ago my FH was in North Carolina for the summer. We were both invited to a mutual friends wedding, but he couldn't attend. The bride asked me who would be attending with me, as she didn't expect me to go by myself. I ended up bringing along one of FH husband's and I mutual friends. I don't think it's a big deal or a hill to die on.

  • RealLindseyO
    Master October 2017
    RealLindseyO ·

    This wouldn't bother me. You already counted in a spot for her boyfriend so why does it matter if it's her sister instead? Unless it's a super intimate wedding that is.

    ETA: She's not trying to bring an extra person so how would that make your guest list blow up?

  • Janeen
    Master January 2015
    Janeen ·

    How will everyone else know what this one guest gets to do?

  • Z
    Master May 2012
    Zoe ·

    Carrie, I'm with you. You didn't give her a 'plus one', in which case she can fill in whoever she wants-- you invited her bf. Somehow people just confuse a wedding invitation with tickets, I guess. "Hey, look-- we got two tickets to Carrie's wedding!"

  • carriemichelle
    VIP June 2016
    carriemichelle ·

    For one, all of his friends know each other one way or another. I know they're be like "well, how come she got to bring her sister when I couldn't bring my brother?" When we sent out the invites, we specially addressed it to only those who were invited. We've been polite as we can when fielding questions.

  • Janeen
    Master January 2015
    Janeen ·

    You think that they would say this to you during your wedding? And you denied these other people the ability to bring someone with them?

  • Colleen
    Devoted September 2016
    Colleen ·

    I see where you're coming from, but if it's not affecting the head count I wouldn't waste any sleep over it. And yes, you may not know her but there will be so many other people there, and all that you know....so you wont be paying her any attention. It's annoying maybe, but not worth bothering with.

  • Aph850
    Savvy October 2016
    Aph850 ·

    I feel like as long as your guest isn't inviting additional people, it shouldn't be a big issue. I mean, she's only replacing her intended date with someone else because she doesn't want to go alone. And that would be fine with me... It just means she'll be more comfortable. Now, if she said, "Hey, I told my sister she can come with my boyfriend and i. Hope you don't mind one extra guest!" then I'd DEFINITELY be steaming at the ears.

  • Jeanne
    Master August 2015
    Jeanne ·

    It's not like people are going to start ditching their significant others to bring a random friend or guest. You invited two people, will it really be the end of the world if one of them can't make it and the other would like company that day? It's the exact same number of guests.

  • UnderTheJuneWillows
    VIP June 2016
    UnderTheJuneWillows ·

    Unless you have a posted list of who is invited and who is attending, and someone has the time (and audacity) to sit and match that all up, it won't snowball. People won't suddenly drop their SO or other invited guest in order to bring a stranger.

  • BoozyBaker
    Master January 2017
    BoozyBaker ·

    I get what your saying. It's still the same number but now other people might say, well i wanna bring so and so. Also, I see your point in that you don't even know this person. There is a difference. But that's coming from someone who is only having 35 guests. I've know every single person attending for 20-10 years (Aside from 2 SO's of friends). I am super private about certain things (only have 40 FB friends) and I don't want no randos at my special night.

    How many guests are you having, OP?

  • Colleen
    Dedicated July 2016
    Colleen ·

    If I was budgeting for 2 people to come and they brought someone else, that's still 2 people.

    I really wouldn't have an issue with it unless they said: My BF can't come so I'm bringing my sister, her BF, and his best friend....

  • TheRascal
    Super July 2016
    TheRascal ·

    I don't think this is a big deal and you may be giving yourself extra stress thinking about it. It won't cause your guest list to blow up, as you put it. If you counted this invite as two people in your total count, at the end of the day, it will still only be two people.

  • Sylvia751
    VIP November 2016
    Sylvia751 ·

    I'm putting on my RSVP's that any non-RSVP'd guests will be set ablaze to celebrate bonfire night (getting married November 5th). I'm hoping that discourages some people.

    For your situation, I think a plus one is a plus one. And it is just one person, right? I wouldn't stress. She probably just doesn't want to come alone.

  • RealLindseyO
    Master October 2017
    RealLindseyO ·

    If you really think that they'll be saying this to you on your wedding day you can respond with "her boyfriend couldn't come so she brought her sister". If they care that much let them worry about it themselves. I doubt they'll say anything to you during your wedding.

    If this is a fight you've chosen to pick, go ahead and say what you've chosen. It's not an extra person, but you seem very set on the idea that it is.

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