nicjc2018
Beginner February 2018

How Many People Didn't Show Up?

nicjc2018, on March 5, 2018 at 11:54 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 89
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One of the biggest tips I wish someone told me before the wedding was YOU WILL HAVE NO SHOWS THE DAY OF. As much as I did my best to confirm days before the wedding life happens and 6 out of 106 guests did not show up. I guess that was not too bad, but I wish I had a way to plan a back up list so the seats did not go empty. Especially being a plated dinner.

So just curious...how many no show guests did you have?

89 Comments

Latest activity by Ardita Lula, on July 10, 2019 at 3:26 PM
  • Sagan
    Super July 2017
    Sagan ·
    • Flag
    We invited 260. 210 RSVP’d yes. 6 no shows.
    • Reply
  • Mrsbdg
    Champion August 2017
    Mrsbdg ·
    • Flag
    15 out of 85. Despite having travel visa apps in over seven months out we had 8 people that didn't get cleared by our wedding 😢
    • Reply
  • mjfortwedding
    Expert April 2018
    mjfortwedding ·
    • Flag
    We have our wedding come up, but someone on here got very upset at me and called me “gift grabby” for suggesting/ saying I have a few people who are close enough to the area that I could invite if I got a ton of “no’s” on the first week of RSVP’s being out these are people who we’d like to have there but have family & others who have more of a I guess you’d call it “claim” on the seats.... So figuring it out to have a back up list for no shows would be very hard since you wouldn’t know until after ceremony but I agree, sucks to have the seat/meal reserved and then it goes to waste. But don’t feel bad it happens at any good party 😊
    • Reply
  • O
    Master October 2017
    O ·
    • Flag
    9 total. One no show without a word before, or since. 3 no shows cuz of illness. One couple declined after accepting the invitation because I didn't invite their 3 kids (even though I addressed it correctly 🙄). 2 declined, my H's uncle and aunt, a week before my wedding, after accepting the invitation, because their daughter got engaged that week, and set the date for 9/2018, so they wanted to use their money to pay for her wedding, her engagement ring and wedding rings, and her dress. 2 days after my wedding her engagement was called off. Except for the ones who were ill, the others are dead to me and I never want to hear about them.
    • Reply
  • nicjc2018
    Beginner February 2018
    nicjc2018 ·
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    Mariah don't let people make you feel bad. It has nothing to do with gifts, it's hard knowing that could have been someone you care about and could not invite due to space. I have a huge family so a lot of my friends I was not able to invite.

    I did have an uncle who had a medical emergency and did not make it, but my aunt let me know 4 hours before the wedding and luckily I was able to find someone to fill the spot. I just wish I would have known about the other no shows so that I could have filled those as well. Which is why I wanted to ask to see what the average is for a wedding. From the above comments it seems like there is at least always 2-4 that don't show. If you had a wedding coordinator that might be something they could help with. Or maybe sending a text to everyone the night before.

    I should have had my friend (who was playing coordinator) call everyone to see if they needed help with directions that morning. Sounds a little crazy but you never know lol

    • Reply
  • A
    Dedicated December 2017
    Allison ·
    • Flag

    We had 6 RSVP yes and then come to the ceremony but leave before the reception. Then two others who had a family emergency that day and couldn't make it. So 8 no-shows out of 200 acceptances!

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  • An
    Super September 2019
    An ·
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    I wouldn't say gift grabby necessarily but you are definitely risking someone feeling like they weren't good enough to be invited the first time around... I would certainly decline if I was B-listed to a wedding. It is extremely easy to tell if you were B-listed, even if you are able to invite them soon after you start receiving RSVPs.
    Also, you definitely shouldn't be B-listing the day of the wedding, which is what this post was about.


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  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
    • Flag
    We had 2 no shows, the husband had a kidney infection and was at the hospital so they get a pass.

    I can't imagine inviting people to a wedding 4 hours before. Must have really made those people feel special Smiley amazing No shows are just a reality, you don't fill them, you just deal with them.
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  • Linda
    VIP June 2017
    Linda ·
    • Flag

    You know its crazy i didnt bother to figure out who wasnt now shows for our wedding. I figured who ever didnt have the courtesy to show is there problem and I wasnt going to dwell on it. We invited 185 and 165 accepted yes. other than that I dont know who didnt show

    • Reply
  • B
    Super July 2018
    Brittany ·
    • Flag

    Keep in mind that the number of no shows brides and grooms get can vary a lot just based on when the wedding is. For example. this flu season was terrible, I'm sure a lot of brides and grooms that got married recently had a higher number of no shows because of it. It definitely sucks to have no shows because you paid for someone that wasn't there, but unexpected things do happen Smiley sad


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  • mjfortwedding
    Expert April 2018
    mjfortwedding ·
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    Which I can understand but in our situation they are people who understand what our situation is and know that if we had a seat for them we would reach out and tell them that with enough notice to look at their plans and decide. Everyone has a different dynamic with their guests & ‘hopefuls’, I suppose that’s why some of the etiquette posts I see baffle me bc some people ask questions I wouldn’t have even thought of doing it their way and others say “is this rude” and people answer YES SO VERY RUDE. And I agree and disagree sometimes. But there are things that with our family & friends if we simply speak to them and explain whatever it is, it is worked out. Then again we’ve had some bad etiquette from some people so we know how it feels so we try our best to be kind, respectful, and mindful of our words and actions. That being said I’d be ok if I was a B-list invite, if I had the time to go then I definitely would, not 3 hours before but a week or two, sure to me it means they had someone who wasn’t able to make it and they thought of me even though they didn’t have the extra room in the beginning, but as I said everyone is different and certain things bother certain people.
    • Reply
  • caitlin
    Super May 2017
    caitlin ·
    • Flag
    We didn't have any no-shows. one couple who had RSVPed yes let us know the day before that they wouldn't make it after all because of childcare issues but that was the only one.


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  • FME
    Master March 2018
    FME ·
    • Flag

    We had 78 Yes's and 8 no-shows. All but 2 had lame ass excuses I'm still salty about. One person brought their teenage kid who wasn't invited and instead of sitting at an empty seat they took someone else's seat and wouldn't let them have it back. Still angry about that.

    • Reply
  • M
    Just Said Yes March 2018
    Maria ·
    • Flag

    My wedding was this past Friday, March 2nd during the East Coast storm, we had strong winds up to 60mph and flood warnings all over. Trees fell, it rained heavily and there were some power outages.

    Despite all that, only 2 people canceled and 1 was a no show out of our 65 guests (small cozy wedding)

    I was so nervous thinking no one would show up due to the storm but they did and was so thankfully to everyone. By the time of the reception the rain had stopped and we didn't lose power so we got very lucky!


    • Reply
  • Going to the chapel
    Master July 2017
    Going to the chapel ·
    • Flag

    Zero no shows. We even had a guest come who had broken his ankle two days before playing soccer. He was even on the dance floor!

    • Reply
  • Lynnie
    WeddingWire Administrator October 2016
    Lynnie ·
    • Flag

    We only had 2 no-shows and both were due to the crazy weather!

    • Reply
  • Ashley
    VIP December 2018
    Ashley ·
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    I was thinking of doing something similar. Our wedding is 95% family, but I'm positive at least 5 people we invited won't show (they're family so we felt we should invite them, but I'd be shocked if they came), so if we get an RSVP back saying they're not going, we may invite close friends that we wouldn't be able to accommodate otherwise.

    • Reply
  • BlueHenBride
    Master March 2017
    BlueHenBride ·
    • Flag
    We didn't have any no-shows. All 75 who RSVP'd yes attended.

    I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the idea of inviting people day of when you find out someone isn't going to show up. I've been invited to a wedding last minute (like, 2 days before). It doesn't make you feel good. In this case, it was someone who DH and I weren't super close with, so it did feel incredibly gift grabby. DH ranted about how you just don't invite people that last minute because it's inconsiderate not to give you enough of a heads up to budget for a wedding gift and it's insulting to think that at that point, people don't have better things to do than sit around with no plans, hoping to get to go to your wedding. Needless to say, we chose not to attend due to prior plans and feeling like we were only invited because the couple had seats to fill, not because they felt we were special enough to be invited all along.

    Even if I try to imagine a scenario where a close friend wasn't on the guest list because venue space is limited, I don't see how it would come up that "if there's space last minute, let us know" without there being any hard feelings. If I knew a good friend of mine was having a wedding and I wasn't invited, I would NEVER reach out to that friend and tell them to B-list me because I realize that would make them feel incredibly guilty for not being able to invite me in the first place. If I let then know I was okay with that kind of last minute invite if another guest dropped out, I would be drawing attention to their decision not to invite me and would be telling then that I really had wanted to go to their wedding, and that would make anyone feel really, really bad for not including me on their guest list. I think a friend that understands the position a couple is in to not be able to invite everyone they wish they could would graciously and silently accept the reality and not draw attention, and maybe send a sweet card or small gift to their friends to show they are happy for them and have no hard feelings about not being on their guest list. Similarly, I don't see how a couple could start a conversation with friends who didn't make the cut for their guest list to let them know that they might be able to invite then last minute if another guest drops out. It's rude to talk about your wedding with people who aren't invited, and I think bringing it up to find out if someone would be cool with a potential last minute invite if another guest can't make it just rubs it in the faces of those friends the couple just couldn't invite.
    • Reply
  • FutureLadyH
    Devoted May 2018
    FutureLadyH ·
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    Dead to you?!? I'm tickled and appalled at the same time Smiley atonished

    No shows happen. Or day before cancellations. I would think declinations are better than either one of those situations.
    • Reply
  • BohoRN2017
    Expert November 2017
    BohoRN2017 ·
    • Flag
    We had ten out of 100. 3 were no shows to my brothers wedding but my parents insisted they be invited anyway. At least they covered their costs and I assigned them seats at my parents table.
    The other 7 were DH guests and honestly I was disappointed how some of them handled it.
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