How do you uninvite a bridesmaid?

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I'll be totally honest (and somewhat contradicting from my last comment), I was SO excited to be engaged, I know I was probably being a little obnoxious with my bridesmaids. I was always thinking of ways to get everyone together or conversations to start in our text. It really can be a lot, like someone else said, your wedding will never be as big of a deal to your friends as it is to you. So, now I come to WW with my drama seeking advice so I don't have to annoy my friends. Just be prepared for people to not agree with you!

I think your expectations are too high. You stated that you live in Pennsylvania and this bridesmaid lives in Florida. That's pretty far to expect someone to travel to for a bridal shower and bachelorette! I would never expect my bridesmaids to travel out of state for pre-wedding events, especially in the middle of a pandemic. Then again, if you have drifted apart from this person anyway and barely talk to her anymore, then cutting her out of your life might be the best option.

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That's my opinion on what a bridesmaid should do.

All my bridesmaids are out of state. 3 are in MA and 1 in FL.

I've moved everything and continue to move it so we can have a bach party and wedding. I know she is traveling out of state for other events and reasons which is why I'm upset she won't for me.

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My issue is less with people disagreeing with me and more people saying things like I don't care about her being in my wedding and saying she's unimportant to me which is furthest from the truth.

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Your original question was how do you uninvite a bridesmaid and the short answer is you can't without ending the friendship.

I know that I will lose her as a friend. I asked for advice on how to approach it.

View Quoted Comment Just be honest with her. Tell her that you're hurt that she's not giving you the support that you need and that you think it best if she doesn't attend the wedding.

View Quoted Comment In your original post you ask “am I being overdramatic?” in addition to “how do you I invite a bridesmaid?” I think many people were responding to the former. Honestly, even if you don’t ask for people’s opinions on your actions, if you post on WW asking for advice for something, you’re gonna get opinions, and a lot of them! Just be prepared for the future.

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No, the point of a bridesmaid is for you to honor someone by asking them to stand next to you when you get married. It's not for them to be your support system or attend or throw myriad pre-wedding events. The only thing a bridesmaid or MOH is agreeing to do is to show up at the wedding itself in the selected attire. Anything they choose and are able to do on top of that is just a lucky bonus for you.

View Quoted Comment I’d recommend really thinking about it beforehand and make sure you’re okay with the potential fallout. If you are, be calm and kind, but communicate directly that she’s not invited as a bridesmaid anymore. You should probably think through how you want to respond to different scenarios (she’s okay with it, but is she still invited to the wedding? She flips out and yells at you? She starts crying and asks why?)

View Quoted Comment You could talk to her and say something along these lines "so I have been doing a lot of thinking and I'm sure you know as well as I do that our friendship hasn't been the same. We seem to be drifting further and further apart from each other and it's not just cause of our living situations. We are both leading completely different lives and our friendship just doesn't seem to be going in the same direction as those lives. I think we should respectfully part ways with each other. I really hope nothing but the best for you, I truly mean that.


I'm not always the best at wording things but maybe something like that will be a good way of doing it.

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Thanks for your opinion.

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Thank you! I have a whole long note written up of all my thoughts currently lol

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Thank you!
I have been thinking about it on and off and just haven't had the heart to do it. But once I don't have her my anxiety and stress will be lifted.

View Quoted Comment You're welcome, and if she tries to make it dramatic just don't answer the text if you are texting and put her on mute for a couple of days, if it's through call just hang up and don't answer until she is ready to handle it like an adult.

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As you've said multiple times, they are paying for her to travel out of state for her brother's wedding events. She can't afford to pay to travel multiple times for your wedding. She can't even afford to pay for the dress for your wedding, apparently.

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Here's the thing, she should be able to. She is 28 with a full time job and shops and goes to Disney whenever she wants, and then will complain about money.

Also if she couldn't afford it she could have said no. I wouldn't have asked if I knew she can't afford it, cause she can.

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Why is how she spends her money any of your concern though? Sounds like you should be honest with her and tell her the truth:

"Sorry, I have to kick you out of my wedding party because I'm upset that you couldn't or didn't want to spend the money to travel on 2+ hour flights to attend my bridal shower and bachelorette." Best of luck to you with ending this friendship. I hope you can move past this and have a lovely wedding.

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Not my concern. My issue is her not putting any effort into being there for me when if the shoe was on the other foot I would be, and have been for her our entire friendship.

Also her saying she's afraid to do anything until vaccinated then goes to Disney is hypocritical.

Shower happened, bachelorette not yet. I didn't ask her to be at the shower. I knew she couldn't go.

I get if you think a bridesmaid is just to show up for the day of wedding that's fine. I don't. I think a bridesmaid signs up to be there for the bride the entire process and make an effort to be there for events. That's why I'm upset. I have a different view of what she should be doing than you.

It's not that she can't afford it. I have other friends who aren't even in my bridal party doing more for me and being there for me more than her and others of my bridal party.

View Quoted Comment What she “should” be able to afford is really none of your concern. Obviously she needs help because her parents assist with her bills and her brother is paying for her to attend/be a part of his wedding. If she lives in FL then she more than likely has an annual pass which makes going to parks free and is probably an enjoyable activity/distressor for her. Enjoying her time there and having a drink is more than likely her splurge and form of self care. If a splurge for her is a few drinks a few times a month I wouldn’t expect her to fly across the country for a shower, twice.
If she is your friend and you care about her, relax your expectations a little. I personally wouldn’t even bring it up. It will only bring more attention to her financial issues and make her feel bad for not being there for you like you imagined she would be. If I was her and you addressed me with these “concerns” I’d be likely to bow out of your wedding and rethink our friendship.
I’m sorry she’s not able to meet your expectations and is making choices that make you question her. I hope you can work it out and that your friendship doesn’t get ruined in the process. Best of luck to you.