How do you uninvite a bridesmaid?

I mean, if you demote her as a bridesmaid, then I would be prepared to consider your friendship with this person terminated.

I don't think you're being dramatic about your feelings being hurt, but I think you should take a step back from "how do I disinvite my bridesmaid?"

I'm sure she means the world to you if you've been friends for 10 years - talk to her! If you just kick her out, you're ending your friendship as well. Maybe there's some underlying issue that's causing her to seem uninterested in the wedding.

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I am fully prepaired for her to freak out, but I feel like if you can't be apart of the entire wedding process and all the stuff that goes with it, you shouldn't be able to stand up with me on the day of if that's the only thing you do for me.

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She's going to her brothers wedding events, even though she doesn't get along with him or his fiancé, but I also know they're paying for her to go and her dress and everything else.

I just get upset and frustrated. She said she can't make my bach party cause she can't afford with, when I know her parents still pay for some of her bills and she goes to disney a few days a month. She also didn't make my shower and hasn't sent anything for it either and my shower was in the summer.

If you're states away from each other, I can see why she isn't making it to your multiple pre wedding events, ESPECIALLY during a global pandemic where we're supposed to restrict travel and avoid gatherings.


How is she going to Disney every month when it's been closed? Even so, some people have passes. She may have a year to save, but interstate travel isn't cheap.
Kicking out a bridesmaid for not attending your showers (plural), bachelorette party, "etc" (how many parties are you having?) is dramatic. What kind of effort are you expecting her to put into YOUR wedding? If you grew apart, you shouldn't have asked her to be a bridesmaid in the first place.

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I get it! But if it's an issue with her being able to afford it, I may would pump the breaks. It sounds like she may get some financial help - with her brother's wedding and maybe even these Disney trips. She may be dependent on her parents to pay for things and they aren't willing to pay for your Bach trip or shower gifts. I would try to be gracious, but talk to her before you rip her from your party.

We sort of have different views on the reasons for having bridesmaids, but aside from that the question was how to disinvite her. Judging from the post alone she doesn’t seem like she would even want to go to be honest. For all you know she might probably be thrilled that she doesn’t have to buy a dress and commit to something. I would just write her a letter/email/or text expressing what you think bridesmaids are supposed to be for and explain because she hasn’t done x y z for you or spent x amount of money that you no longer want her to attend your wedding.


I wouldn’t expect the friendship to last after that though.

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Do HER the favor and release her.

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Here's the thing though, she's travelled for a lot of other things, and is doing it all for her brother who she doesn't get along with.

I'm having 1 bach party. I had 2 showers, 1 in MA for my family and one in PA for my fiance's that way no one had to travel but us and we were tested and masks were worn.

My wedding was supposed to be this past October, so we kept the showers as it hoping at that time by October we would be okay, obviously not the case.

Disney has been open for months now, and she's gone a ton and will send me pictures and videos of her drinking there, which is very expensive whither you have a pass or not. My problem with her is the hypocrisy of he saying she can't afford it and doesn't feel safe doing anything until vaccinated, but is at Disney spending so much money whenever she wants.

I get interstate travel isn't cheap. I have to travel myself due to being in a different state than my family and where our location is.

I'm not expecting her to put too much effort into my wedding, besides showing up for me. That's what a bridesmaid is for.

We didn't grow apart until I got engaged. I wouldn't have asked her if I knew what I know now and how she's been with all of this.

Isn't the point of a bridesmaid to be there for the bride throughout the process? Not just disappear then show up day of wedding.

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The problem is is she is 28 years old with a full time job and just doesn't have any concept of money. I'm 25 and live on my own and get 0 financial help from anyone but myself. All of my other friends who aren't even in my party have put more time and effort and saved to do things for me that she will not.

Sorry to say, but I think you're majorly overreacting.

The only thing required of a bridesmaid is for her to show up in the attire you've chosen for her. She does not need to show up/pay for your pre-wedding events, (many people don't have them at all, much less several events) especially during a pandemic when she's states away.

You mention being upset that she's involved in her brother's wedding, but that's her brother and you've added that they're paying for everything, including her attire, so you've already answered your own question with that.

If she's paid for the dress, and she shows up to your wedding, she's done her job by you as a bridesmaid.

Besides, you don't get to decide how she spends her money. How can you be upset that she's able to pay her bills? She goes to Disney? Well, if there weren't a pandemic I'd say good on her.

You haven't been speaking and you claim she's your friend. Sounds like that has been waning for a while. Besides, if she's so unimportant that you'd drop her from your bridal party because she won't attend a ton of pre-wedding events ($$$ and during a pandemic), then you should take a good long look at yourself, because YOU'RE the one who is self-involved, not her.

The ONE things bridesmaids are required to do is stand up there with you on your wedding day. And it sounds like that's the one thing you don't care about.

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I get the pandemic believe me. I have moved my wedding twice already and probably will have to again.

I guess my idea of a bridesmaid and how they should be is totally different than yours. I just feel like as a bridesmaid and friend, you are there the entire time and there for me.

I'm not mad she gets help paying her bills. I would never want my friend to suffer or to be in a hard spot.

I'm also not upset she is in her brothers wedding. I know she doesn't get a long with him or his fiance, so her going to all of their stuff, which she also has to fly for, but not mine hurts a little.

I'm not just thinking about it cause of the pandemic, I just feel like as a bridesmaid you should be there for the bride and show up.

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I do care about that.

I feel differently about what a bridesmaid should do than most of you apparently. I feel like they should at least be friend's and support you through the process.

View Quoted Comment The Bridesmaid Duties: A Full Breakdown

• Shop (and Pay) for Bridesmaid Attire.
• Help Plan (and Pay) for the Bridal Shower.
• Help Plan (and Pay) for the Bachelorette Party.
• Attend Any Other Pre-Wedding Events.
• Book Travel & Hotel Reservations.
• Attend the Rehearsal and Rehearsal Dinner.
• Help Support the Bride Emotionally.
• Help With Wedding Planning Tasks.
• 
  

View Quoted Comment The Bridesmaid Duties: A Full Breakdown

• Shop (and Pay) for Bridesmaid Attire.
• Help Plan (and Pay) for the Bridal Shower.
• Help Plan (and Pay) for the Bachelorette Party.
• Attend Any Other Pre-Wedding Events.
• Book Travel & Hotel Reservations.
• Attend the Rehearsal and Rehearsal Dinner.
• Help Support the Bride Emotionally.
• Help With Wedding Planning Tasks.

"I'm not sure how to approach it, and it's hurting me by thinking about it because I don't want to lose a friend. But I also don't want someone standing next to me who hasn't been there at all during the planning process and all other wedding events."

It's fine to realize you made a mistake asking someone who you are no longer friends with. People drift apart all the time. But I think it's unrealistic to try to figure out a way to "uninvite" her AND keep her as a friend.

Accept that this friendship is over and then tell her she is no longer in your bridal party or invited to your wedding. There are no magic words to make that be easy to say or for her to hear. And like most difficult things, it's better to just get it over with. You should reimburse her for any money she has spent already.

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I understand the friendship will probably be over, which is why this is hurting me.

She has only gotten her dress and her mother paid for it so I will surely send her mother a check.

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I know the friendship will probably end which is why I am having a hard time with it.

She has her dress, her mom paid for it I will definitely send her a check.

View Quoted Comment Yeah we definitely disagree. I would never expect any of those thing. If they happen great, but I'm not demanding that they happen. One of my bridesmaids lives across the county and I don't expect her to attend anything but the wedding itself.