How do you uninvite a bridesmaid?

So of course everyone has a different idea of what they want their bridesmaids to do and be involved in and that's okay because everyone is different!

But it sounds like the friendship is already slowing just fizzing out and honestly it sounds like she doesn't want to be involved. When something is important to someone, they will put in the effort. Regardless of what is going on. And if they can't they can at least communicate that to you so you aren't left wondering.

As you already know, uninviting her will probably end the friendship and as much as that is going to suck, you don't want someone who isn't really going to care or be there for you in your life anyways. The older we get the more important it is to have real people in our lives. I get she is in another state but I have 2 girls who are out of state and they are super involved and super excited to be involved! I myself am a laid back bride and don't expect much from anyone but still.

I feel you should first talk about it with her see if you can resolve the underlying issue because maybe she has an issue she just isn't vocalizing. Then if that doesn't solve anything I would move to uninviting her as a bridesmaid.

I don't think you are being overdramatic.
If you remove her as a bridesmaid though it more than likely will be a friendship ending move no matter how you put it. Honestly to me it sounds like this relationship with her is slowly moving towards ending anyways, you guys sound like you are drifting further and further apart till eventually there is no relationship. I think if you really don't want to lose her as a friend then don't say anything just let her stand up there with you because like I said before there is no right words to use to demote someone without damaging the relationship. But if you aren't to crazy about the friendship anymore then just tell her that she will no longer be needed in the wedding.

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Thank you!
All my bridesmaids are out of state lol I live in PA, but was born and raised in MA which is where they all are, besides the one I'm having an issue with lives in FL.

I don't want to end the friendship but I feel like now we are just two totally different people in two different parts of our life, and she doesn't care to be apart of mine anymore.

I just know its going to turn into more of a fight than I want, because she makes everything 10x more dramatic than it needs to be, which is why I'm struggling with actually doing it. I don't want to deal with the drama of it.

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I mean. You came to a forum to ask for opinions, if you only wanted to hear affirmations that you were totally right and this person was being unreasonable you should go to family for that.

We're here to tell you the reality, as we're strangers with no skin in the game.

Have you talked to your friend about anything other than your wedding? She may have distanced herself because that's all you want to talk about and it's exhausting her. No one cares about your wedding as much as you do.

Also, you don't get to judge how she spends her money. The only thing she's obligated to do is wear the dress you pick out and stand up sober next to you. Even if you'd told her from the get go that your expectations were she follow that list you provided to the 't' it's still too much to demand.

She's a human being allowed to live her life, and you're allowed to live yours. If you want to remove her from the wedding, just tell her 'Hey man, this isn't working out. I don't feel like you've been there for me in the wedding planning and all that comes with it and I'm not comfortable with you standing up/coming to the wedding anymore'. Understand, that it will likely end your friendship and move on.

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I totally understand that, I had to cut ties a year ago with my best friend of 10 years who was my MOH and it really sucked but like you said, we were at 2 different places in life and she made it about her and was insanely jealous. You have to do what makes you happy and surround yourself with people that truly want to be your friend and be their for you. There is no time for half-assed friends who don't really care, especially now. I really hope it all works out whether you remain friends or not! You do what is best for you!

View Quoted Comment Can I ask if she clearly doesn't care to be apart of your life anymore and is drama, why do you want to keep holding on tight to the friendship with her?


I've gone through this with my long time bff. We have been bffs for 13 years. But after we graduated high school we drifted apart. And she just added so much drama to my life. She just didn't seem to be that good friend from school I once knew. And I kept holding on to our friendship and putting up with her toxic behavior towards me, all because of how she used to be in the past. But eventually I realized that we are going in two completely different direction and the direction I was going in she just didn't have a place in. And I finally let her go, it was a huge relief on me and honestly I'm so happy I did it.

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I have barely talked to anyone about my wedding. I send my bridesmaids updates when the date changed but that's it. I get no one else cares about the wedding, I have barely talked about it.

There's still no need to be rude about giving an opinion and tearing the other person down for there's. I get everyone has a different opinion, I have no problem with that.

I'm not judging how she spends her money. She's complained for years about money but still gets things paid for and constant financial help from her parents, when she is now 28 and doesn't live at home.

If the shoe was on the other foot I'd damn well do whatever she asked of me.

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She's always used me and I see that now. I never had a lot of friends in high school cause I danced so much I never went out and was always at dance. She was someone who was always around, mainly cause I had a pool in the summer she could use and season tickets I could take her to Bruins games.

Its just still hard and I'm hurt by it because I thought she'd be different and in my life forever. But I know I need to pull the plug It's just going to turn into a fiasco when it should just be an adult conversation.

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Totally agree with you, Courtney! I think that was perfectly said.

Alexandrea, I feel for you because I know planning a wedding isn't fun when you don't feel like you have a support system - it really sucks but I do think this comment was everything you need to hear/know.

I also think you do not always need to come to forums for 'support and kind words' - mainly because like Courtney said, all of these people are outside opinions and they can tell you their opinion from a different, outside perspective. Sometimes it may seem harsh, but sometimes it's also the ugly truth. Forums can be very helpful, but you will need tough skin when asking for advice and opinions. Everyone will not always agree with you!

Good luck with your friend, gal!

View Quoted Comment I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. And I know how difficult it can be. Like I said I had a bff of 13 years 4 of those years she was a great friend, but the rest of those years she just was constantly putting down and treated me so horrible.


Unfortunately when cutting ties with someone who is toxic and causes drama, it is never easy and is always going to be dramatic and a fiasco but once it's all done and behind you, you will truly be happier like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. I really hope this helps and good luck I wish you the best with this.

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Thanks!

I also want to be clear, I'm not trying to be mean. I don't think a lot of us are. The downside to online forums is it's really hard to convey tone properly.

What comes off as snotty/rude/entitled through text may actually be said with all the care possible. Things come off coldly, especially from strangers on the internet.

You've got to do what's best for you. In this situation, I do think removing this bridesmaid who you clearly have challenges with is the best thing. There's just no nice way of going about it other than being perfectly clear with them on why you're making this decision.

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This is the first time I came to a forum for anything.

I get people have other opinions, I have no problem with them. If you think having your bridesmaid just there on your day great! Good for you, that's how you feel. I feel differently and have a different opinion.

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Thank you!
I just wanted some advice on how to handle the situation and hopefully advice from others who have been in the same boat.

I'm not trying to sound rude back, just trying to get across my point of view on how I think a bridesmaid should be.

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Oh I agree! I've said my piece on forums about the same thing. My bridesmaids have been more than I could imagine. I'm one of the brides who does have expectations (to an extent), more than just showing up the day of. Luckily, my bridesmaids are all married and had the same expectations from me so they totally on the save wave length with expectations.

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Thank you!
I need to do it, it's still just hard. I'm already so stressed with re-planning the wedding cause out new date vendors fell apart that dealing with her and the drama is just not something I want to add to the list of crap to deal with currently lol

View Quoted Comment This. I think so many of us just hate seeing friendships end because of we view as unrealistic expectations from brides regarding their weddings (not saying OP does). And honestly sometimes it helps hearing strangers give you and unbiased honest opinion. But I don't think there have been any rude intentions here, at least not from me.

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I've had a talk with them all about it 2 months ago too. Less about the planning and more just being supportive because moving the wedding and re-planning has been tough on me when I've been doing it all myself.

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I totally get that. There are countless forums on here where people have had pretty much your exact issue, even before Covid. It's always the same advice though.

Talk to your BM, figure out what's going on with them, and then decide if it's worth keeping the friendship or not. Unfortunately we can't really help you make that decision, and there's almost always so much more background/history than what's put in the OP that doesn't come out until way later.

This person has distanced themselves, and yea, it's gonna be a ton of drama from her, but you can remove yourself from it. Once you've made the decision to remove them, if they throw a fit you just have to let them know you don't see the friendship continuing because it's changed so much from when you asked them. After that conversation stick to your guns, ending a friendship can be one of the hardest things you'll ever do, and I've been in a very similar situation to yours. It's devastating and you'll grieve the friendship, but ultimately you'll be better off for it if they've been treating you the way they have.

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That's with any text/conversation not face to face! It's easy to come off ruse or nasty when you're telling someone what they don't necessarily want to hear. I don't think you were rude at all!! Very informative and constructive without tearing anyone down.

The best thing for people to do as far as forums is to get some tough skin.

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Absolutely! I know that I come off super cold sometimes (like, a lot of the times) and I've actually had pretty much every manager I've ever worked with tell me to work on my written tone lol.

I know for me eventually I get tired of giving the same advice every time, and so it gets shorter with each time I have to say it. Too many years working weddings!