How do you uninvite a bridesmaid?

If you uninvite it’s the end of the friendship.
But it sounds like you asked her for nostalgia reasons, that you both are living very different lives and have different values. And that’s ok! It happens all the time, friends grow apart. That’s why all these things about her make you mad right now, you don’t have the cushion of lots of positive interactions to mellow it out.

View Quoted Comment Don’t believe everything you read online! This may be one person’s take on everything a bridesmaid can do and help with, but it’s not gospel. I agree with those that say bridesmaids are obligated only to show up and wear the dress.

View Quoted Comment

I'm not even most upset about the not showing up to everything. I get its expensive and have to travel, but when she does it other ways and goes and spends a ton at Disney and then travels and spends for other things its annoying.

I'm the most upset when she knows how insane this whole process has been with the postponing and family stress and how hard this has been on me, and not being just a friend there for me. I just want my friend to be there and she hasn't and that's what's most important to me.

View Quoted Comment

We were still good friends, until I got engaged. Then it started to be barely hearing from her, only talking when I reach out, going months not talking.

View Quoted Comment

I get that, but for me that's how I feel a bridesmaid should be.

If others disagree great that's your opinion and feeling. Mine is the other way so there's no need to tear me down because I believe something different.

View Quoted Comment Yeah, I’d say a check is def a good idea. Maybe you could even just put the check in a letter if you write a letter to her

View Quoted Comment

Holy cow, those are some pretty high and over the top expectations! Not sure where you found this list online. The bridesmaids' duties are to support the bride emotionally, purchase the dress that is mutually agreed upon, and show up on time in said dress. Everything else is optional.

I've been a bridesmaid 8 times before. I have never been expected to help with any planning tasks, to plan/pay for the bridal shower, or to plan/pay for the bachelorette. Those things are all optional.

View Quoted Comment It sounds like the friendship is dead. It happens during changes.
My bff and I grew apart as soon as I was pregnant. Nothing really dramatic, we just stopped seeing each other.
It’s bad timing and difficult I know. Rip off the bandaid, release from her duties. You will probably feel a lot more positive about her when this is not festering.

View Quoted Comment

That's the thing I haven't gotten, the emotional support. I never expected her or any of them to pay for the shower to plan at all. I just want her to show up for me and be there for me other than wedding day when she has distanced herself from me since I got engaged.

Alexandrea,
What you are feeling is totally valid! I understand where you are coming from. A title of a bridesmaid is definitely different for everyone. Some brides expect their girls to go above and beyond, while others just want them to show up on the day of. Therefore, did you ever communicate to your girls what you expect from them? Because not every bridesmaid will think alike and understand.
Unfortunately, it looks like everything and anything about your wedding is not on her priorities list. If she does not understand the concept of money then there you go! Because it seems like if you were able to pay for her fares and stay then I am sure she will be glad to hop on and travel to you.
I know you would have loved for her to be a part of the wedding festivities, but if she is putting other priorities before yours then you have to accept that and move on. Do not let ONE bridesmaid ruin what you have planned for your special day! If you want to and know that this friendship is still worth it then just keep her as a bridesmaid, but expect nothing more other than her showing up on the wedding day. If you don't see this friendship growing then you will most likely lose her as a friend by demoting her of her title..
Understand that at the end of the day you cannot force someone to do something they are not willing to do. Good luck hun!

View Quoted Comment

https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-ideas/bridesmaid-duties-checklist

This is my ideas on what a bridesmaid should be. Obviously a lot of other people have a different idea and expectation, which is fine that your opinion! But when my idea/expectation has been what is linked, then people would see my POV and stop attacking me. Just because I have a different opinion on what my bridesmaids should be doing than the people who think they just need to show up, doesn't give them the reason to make me feel like a bad person and be rude to me because this is how I feel.

I get we are in a pandemic and have been, I moved my wedding twice so far. And I'm not expecting or asking her or anyone else to spend hundreds of dollars of stuff. I am expecting the effort of being a friend and there for me during this insane time to be a lending ear or shoulder to cry on.

View Quoted Comment

Thank you for being someone who is actually understanding.

I did and I most recently had a talk with them on new years about it all.

View Quoted Comment

https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-ideas/bridesmaid-duties-checklist

I'm sorry but this is my idea of a bridesmaid. If yours is different that's totally fine good for you! But don't be rude to me because I have a different opinion on the matter.

View Quoted Comment

From one Masshole to another.... Release. HER.

Unfortunately you cannot ask someone to step down without ending the friendship. Bridesmaids make an effort to attend pre wedding parties but they are not required or obligated to do so.

It's not her job to help you plan. She is standing with you because she hopefully supports you and your relationship to your fiance.

View Quoted Comment

I never said anything about helping me with planning. I've planned everything alone.

View Quoted Comment The list of bridesmaid duties you yourself presented has “help plan” on it three different times, for the shower, bachelorette, and the wedding itself.

View Quoted Comment

At this point it doesn't matter what source you get your list of bridesmaid "duties" from. Your bridesmaid is not doing any of the things you expected her to and no website or other source is going to convince her to change her ways. I would stop trying to find the magic words and just tell her you decided to remove her. You'll feel much better after that conversation is over.

Okay my apologies that the 1 thing on the list I don't care about. I do think they should plan the bachelorette however, and I am helping with that and planning that myself.

View Quoted Comment

I get that. I was hoping for some support or words of encouragement from other women, but instead got torn down and made to feel awful.