Horrible Moms?

My MIL was that way. She gave us money for the wedding and then apparently told everyone in DH family that she paid for the entire wedding. So now when DH doesn't want to do something, we get the entire family emailing, sending letters tell him how awful he is after his mom paid for our wedding.

If I had known her "gift" came with all that drama and baggage I would have sad no thank you.

CandiM-That is THE main reason I refuse to accept money from my mom, not even holidays or birthdays. She will hold ANYTHING she can over my head and I really dont want to hear about how she paid for this that or the other for the next 20 years. Not only that but she claims to be broke yet can afford that 2 week cruise when she doesnt get vacation pay...yeah, sure makes sense to me!

@Clare C, girl you said it! "Deep cleansing breath" has become my mantra. But only a few more days to go then we're home free!

Oh Mrs. Clark had I only known. I would have rather gotten married in my backyard by a JOP than have her forever throw this in our face. AND she didn't pay for the entire wedding. Not even close. Ugh.

I would never have asked for my mother's help in planning even my first wedding, as a) she pretty much thinks weddings are a waste, and b) she has never liked me. Indeed, my parents decided that plane tickets would be too much to even go to my sister's wedding, even though they have enough money to go on regular trips to foreign countries and on cruises. Fortunately, by my second wedding, I had already cut off contact with her (back in 1994), and didn't have to deal with her.

2d bride...I see the relationship with my mother heading in the same direction..

2d bride, we didn't ask, she gave us the money as our wedding gift. She said she thought giving it to us for the wedding, instead of after would help more. I did not ask anyone for help, I was prepared to do it just me and the DH, I wish I had now.

Mrs. Clark- Ditto on the money from mom deal. I won't wont to accept any from her even if she does have it in a few months. She loves to hold the fact that she paid for me to live until I was 18 over my head all the time. She doesnt need to use it as a guilt factor! My wedding is one thing I refuse to let her lay claim to!

Oh my goodness my mother and I have different taste in everything, if she suggests something for the wedding and I don't like it she get mad, I had the hardest time dress shopping with her because she wanted my dress to have lots of sparkle and beeding and all that old fashioned stuff and I am more simple than that. I got the veil she liked just to please her but I don't think she will be happy unless everything goes her way! If things are not done the way she thinks they should, you are doing things wrong!!!! Ahhhhh...

I have the opposite problem, my FH's mother never had a wedding just a civil ceremony so she is trying to make my day hers, and since she is not my mother I have to bite my tongue in most situations. Overall I have just cut her out of everything, planning, makeup dresses, food, the rehearsal dinner(which orginially was her only responsibility) and for me, the stress has gone down alot. Now she just complains to my FH but he is used to his mom being a complaining bEo*** so he is used to just letting it go in one ear and out the other.

If you can't let it go in one ear and out the other, you just need to cut her out. She will be pissed at first but after that turns into a little bit of hurt maybe then you can talk to her and explain that drastic measures needed to be taken in order for everyone (don't single her out) to be reminded that the day is about you and your FH...Good luck!

Okay, my mom is confusing. This is the second wedding for both myself and my future husband. She was very ill the last wedding and really didn't enjoy the process. I planed and ordered everything. All plans are pretty much set and I did it with my FH so that people (a.k.a MY MOM) to enjoy to moment with me. Well, I was wrong. My amazing mother in law is making my sash for my wedding dress and the bridal shower is at her house and she is already giving me the "I'm being replaced" speech. I always take a deep breath and close my eyes and ALWAYS have to remind her I have one mother and that she is still sick. I am not about to put her back in the hospital because of wedding plans.

It does help to see other people dealing with different type of situations that have a common factor, moms!

Oh my gosh. I am so sorry you ladies are having to deal with suchterrible drama from your own mothers! Tht is just unnecessary.

Mags... you're momma is nuts! Holding 18 years of support over your head? Hello! She chose to have a baby. The whole support til 18 is part of the package. Lol I sincerely hope you let that one just roll like water off a duck's back.

You have all made me feel even more grateful for my relaxed go with the flow passive mother. We did have some issues with FMIL in the beginning. She used to make cakes professionally and wanted to make ours. She's in her 70s, she doesn't see so well, and has trouble with her hands and moving general. We didn't want to put that burden on her, or our relying on a cake. She was very offended, but she has since come to scknowledge all that we were seeing. She begged me to let her buy my dress. I agreed, reluctantly, and hope it doesn' come back to bite me in the ass with her attempting to hold over my head like a guilt trip.

My biggest challenge was getting my mom to care, even a little bit. She's been back in Australia for the last dozen years, and pretty much checked out of my life. When it came to the wedding, she left her travel arrangements to the last minute, squawked about cost, started whining that she wasn't going to come after all...eventually I got my sister to deal with her because I just didn't have the energy.

Though it might have been best if she hadn't come - she kept wandering off on the day of the wedding because helping me get ready "wasn't interesting" and forgot to stay for photos after the ceremony. My friend's dad had to go retrieve her from the reception! It was just ridiculous.

Oh, and I haven't heard from her once since the wedding.

Shannon...sorry to hear that but it sounds youre better off. At times thats how my brother and i feel about my mom.

On the plus side, it kept her out of my hair for the day.

View Quoted Comment That's exactly how my mom has been. "Cant pay" but has been on 4 vacations (1 abroad) this year and then gets upset and childish when I speak highly of FH family or my BMs being so generous towards us with parties, help etc.

She's also trying to "highlight" herself as much as possible. Asking to walk me down the aisle with my dad, asking for her own dance, asking to come to the bachelorette party, asking to make a toast.....

And she'll say "well I'm paying for this wedding" and at this point it's basically a three way tie between us, FH parents, and My parents.....


I recommened a monthly relaxation ritual. I go to the doctor and get a massage 😂lol