Honeymoon Fund & Registry

I don't see the difference either. If I'm going to spend money for a wedding gift, I don't care what you ask for/where it's going. My $100 still cost me $100.

I'm not having a honeymoon fund, but I still don't get what the problem is even after it's been "explained" a million times.

I think @Elphaba makes a really interesting point (as usual, but I like this one in particular). When you give physical gifts, you can make private use of any coupons, gift cards, or Ebates cash back offers available. That's not being cheap. That's just being a smart shopper. If the store is willing to sell you an item for 20% off, why on earth would you forego that discount just because you're giving a wedding gift? And when you give a physical gift, what you spent on it and whether you used any discounts is not conspicuous.

@Jeannette, respectfully, maybe in your example my friend bought me a $40 waffle iron instead of giving me $40 because he knows I love waffles. He and I made waffles in college to nurse our hangovers. He pictures my husband and I making waffles together on Saturday mornings, and thinking of him fondly when we get the waffle maker out and use it. If that's what he could afford, and it came from the heart with well wishes to my husband and me, my friend has captured the spirit of gift giving.

Jeannette is demonstrating well the mindset that I imagine goes along with registering for money.

One poster on THIS VERY THREAD admits to being deceived by the Honeyfund. She bought an experience and didn't realize it was just for a cheque. Honeyfund is deceiving your guests! How is that ethically sound?

Jeanette there were many times right out of college that I could only afford a $40 gift for a wedding. I wasn't making a lot of money at the time and that was even a stretch to afford sometimes. Guests are in no way required to give you a gift! It is a gesture that most guests will do but it is not a requirement!

@Runawaybride @Elphaba- This came up in another thread. If I have $100 budget for a gift, I make a point to spend the full $100. If I have a coupon and the $100 gift comes out to $50 then I either buy a second gift or give them the other $50 in cash. Maybe that isn't the norm but I don't lower my gift giving budget just because the item may be on sale.

Yikes! @Jeanette- I am literally not expecting gifts at my wedding. That's not the point of the day for me and I'm always shocked by how much money some people get in gifts. I really just want to be surrounded by those I love. If people want to give gifts I will of course be very very grateful. $40 is plenty in my opinion. You gift what you can afford. It's not for you to judge what others can afford.

Oh for sure, @EW. I hear you on that. It's the gift giver's prerogative to use coupons to either bring a gift into their budget, make their money go further (as you said, purchase additional gifts within the budget), or take advantage of a gift costing less than expected and divert the money elsewhere. Again, I think that would make you a smart shopper!

@Runaway- Definitely!! If I can buy 2 gifts because of coupons it's even better! We registered at Macy's for that exact reason. They have tons of sales, coupons and extra advantages if you use your Macy's card. We wanted people to be able to take advantage of that.

@Brandi then don't have a registry and people will probably just give you money

To me the only reason for a honeyfund is convenience. I've literally been on my way to a wedding with no card or gift (Yes I am a bad planner sometimes) and I went onto their fund on my phone in the car and gave them my gift. It was so easy. They didn't even end up going on a honeymoon. I really don't care. I was able to get them a gift easily and by the time I got to the wedding.

@Jeanette Wow. Ya NO SHIT they rather spend their hard earned money on themselves... no one cares about your wedding even close to as much as you do and no one owes you anything, your friends are rich? Great.. I am also well off.

You better believe I don't have multiple degrees and work an insanely stressful job just so I can fund my friends weddings.

I always give very generous as a gift...but if I was a guest at your wedding and saw this post. You would be lucky to get a card.

I may get flamed for this, but here goes:

FH and I are having about 50-75 at our wedding, all family and friends from OOT. We know it will be a stretch for most everybody that comes to afford JUST TO ATTEND. We both have lived on our own (previous marriages, divorce, and now together) for over 40 years, and we don't need ANYthing else! Really! We are trying to downsize what we already have. We're moving about 6 months after the wedding, and we don't know what we're moving in to, so we don't want any "decorator" type things that may not even work in our new home. Really, and truly, ALL we want is for our friends and family to BE THERE and HAVE FUN. I don't even want wedding cards - such a waste of money!

I don't see what's wrong with wording similar to: "We really have all we need, and your presence at our wedding is all the "present" we want. However, if you feel that you must give a gift, you may make a donation to the charity of your choice in our name. If you would rather donate to one of our favorite charities, here are 2 or 3 for you to pick from."

I'll go put on my flame-retardant outfit now........

@Ana Yup then you are as greedy as they are. Glad I don't know You!

Wanda--I mean this with all sincerity--WHY? You know this is considered rude. Whether you personally feel that way or not, you know that is the consensus. So why?

There is an easy, simple answer that is guaranteed not to rub your guests the wrong way. It's a two step process

1. Open the cards that people will absolutely, positively give you. Read the sweet messages of love and support from your nearest and dearest.

2. Take the money that was in the cards, if any, and donate it to charity.

StPaulGal - so.... what is your suggestion as to how to word it that we really don't want any gifts AT ALL. Seriously. All we want is for people to ATTEND and HAVE FUN.

1. I didn't say that I wouldn't read or enjoy cards from anyone - of course I would. I just don't feel that it's "necessary".

2. That's probably what we will do. Without fanfare, without announcement.

Wait, did anyone miss the part where Jeanette said her "certain close friends" and I quote "They rather get a $100 sack of cocaine and then drop $20 in a card to give us." Ummm, the problem is not every wedding guest ever being cheap by giving cash - the problem is your specific friends. You need new friends, honey. I'll reiterate that I do not expect cash, gifts, nada at my wedding but at least if my friend gave me $20, I'll know it came from heart and what they could afford and not talk s*$& on them because of their coke problem.

ETA - not trying to trash anyone who has a true addiction problem. If these are really that close of friends to you and they are seriously struggling with addiction, you should be supportive and helping them or encouraging them to go to rehab. You should probably consider cutting ties because things will not get better if they are unwilling to get help. You don't hold in your bitterness over them not being able to afford a wedding gift. They have a REAL problem. If they are friends who enjoy it casually on the weekends and do not have an addiction and would rather do that than support you, then yes, you need new friends. Because it sounds like you don't like them anyways.

Just like you can't order people to give you things, you can't order them to *not* give you things. There is literally no way at all to stop people from giving you a gift if they want to give you a gift.

If someone asks what you would like, you can tell them that you don't need anything and just their presence is enough. But there is no wording that you can use that makes it okay to dictate gifts or non-gifts. Your only polite option is to accept the gift, offer your sincere thanks, and then keep/donate/sell/burn/etc. the gift as you see fit.

I don't care which neighborhood you live in, only cheap people throw weddings counting on how much they'll receive back.

I love this, 'well I'm buying dinner for the guests the least they could do is give me money' attitude. Guess what? It's your wedding. Your party. No-ones forcing you to invite guests. God.

@Jeanette The only greedy one here is you.. from your words it seems like you are only having a wedding to make money... so why don't you elope and call it a day.

You just trashed your friends so highly doubt you "care about them seeing you share your love"