Honeymoon Fund & Registry

I haven't been on a vacation in years; I am certainly not paying for yours. On the other hand, I love my Cuisinart, and I'd love you to have one too. And every time you make hummus, you'll think of me.

I don't want you to especially think of me while you're...um...you know....on some beach,

Idk I'm not doing one but most of my guests have asked if we have one or a box to contribute to our honeymoon. I guess people I know aren't offended by it *shrugs*

I would never suggest a certain charity as people have very specific beliefs about who they want to give to. I do give to charities all of the time as there have been times in my life people have been there for me. I just think that if people are asking for suggestions about what they can get you, and you don't need anything and they are insisting too give a gift, a charitable contribution is not rude.

I agree with @Beachy. DH and I made no mystery of the fact that we planned to go to Disney World for our honeymoon. We had several guests give us Disney gift cards to use on our trip. My BIL found out one of the restaurants we were eating at one night on our trip and called and paid our bill. If your guests want to contribute to your honeymoon in some way they will find a way to do so. But let that be their idea, not yours! Plus as a guest, if I am giving someone $100 I want them to enjoy the full amount, not only $98.00 of it!

Charities are difficult. Even a cause as benign as an animal rescue or veterans or specific diseases can inpire ire because of the actual cause or the way it's run.

Make a small registry.

People will give you money.

Give it to charity and keep it to yourself.

Take a tax deduction.

So people keep mentioning bridal shower gifts...I didn't even know that was a thing...geezus, more gifts. Is it the bridal party that buys those? I already feel bad about them buying dresses/renting suits (hell we're paying for some because they can't afford it and we wanted them in the wedding). Side note the sexcation comments keep cracking me up. Truth be told I hadn't even thought about that. Guess I'm getting old/honeymoon phase of my relationship (regarding sex at least) is long past lol.

Hey OP, yeah I don't get it either. I have a honeyfund because people wanted me to have one. My family and friends told me it's easier than going to a store and buying something. So I have it, everyone loves it and people have donated. I live in Los Angeles and NO ONE, I mean NO ONE gives a shit like people on here.

Do what you want girl.

Hi Rachel! Bridal showers are literally to "shower the bride with gifts" and it's traditional for every guest to bring a physical gift off the registry with them to the shower and gifts are opened at the shower.

PPs have covered it really well, but traditional registries are a great guide for sizing, specifications, and duplicate gift prevention.

It's more supposed to be a cheat sheet for your guests so if my aunt wants to buy us a new nice set of sheets - she knows what size we need (king bed), and what color we'd prefer. Same thing if a guest wants to buy us an awesome kitchen appliance - we already own a slow cooker but maybe registered for a blender and they can get us that. It also helps with completing sets (showing you only need x many more place settings), and for colors and designs.

A registry should convey "*If* you want to give us a gift, here is what we don't own yet and would love and use!". It's a pretty universal given that everyone would love and could use more money, so I don't think it's necessary or appropriate to emphasize that!

They both suck. There's no difference. People are used to showers and seeing gift registries. They aren't used to seeing honeymoon registries. I think that 10 years from now no one will bat an eye.

Honestly I'm hoping the entire shower/registry thing dies a slow death. Back in the day - they made more sense because people got married younger and didn't live together before marriage, so helping to set up their home was a nice idea. Nowadays, it doesn't make any sense. I'm buying someone $80 towels from Macy's when their $10 towels from Target work just as well.

@michelle d, I highly, highly doubt anyone has ever said "giving to charity is wrong." Of course it isn't. "Charity registries," though, are all kinds of wrong.

First of all, asking for money is rude. It doesn't matter if the cash is going to you or to someone else; you cannot ask your guests for money. Period.

Then add to that baseline rudeness the fact that the couple may choose a charity that you don't agree with. Maybe they have a terrible track record of squandering donations. Maybe the cause itself is morally objectionable to you. Maybe you just think that other causes are more important. No charity is going to resonate with everyone.

Then on top of that, there is the disgustingly sanctimonious thing. If people give you money and you don't want it, you can always donate it to charity yourself. The only reason to make a public announcement about it is to show everyone what a selfless saint you are. You will make *more* money for charity if you just keep your mouth shut and donate the funds you receive, since most people will feel inclined to give more to you, their friend with whom they share a special bond and whose wedding they attended, than they would feel inclined to give to some random charity.

Finally, asking for charity donations instead of gifts suggests that you believe you are owed a gift. You can't just reassign other people's money like that. A wedding invitation is not an invoice.

@WWLynnie, Fair enough. I had viewed it as just an opportunity to hangout with all my best ladies. I'm the kind of person who doesn't even like being fussed over on my birthday (much to some of my friend's chagrin lol). My view on the wedding is that it's not even for us it's for the family and friends. (I would have gotten married at the courthouse with just witnesses if family wouldn't have been offended). I've been looking at the whole thing as putting on a family/friend reunion. Seriously, thank you, ladies, the standard concepts revolving around a wedding are very foreign to me.

$25 set of towels = $25 gift card to breakfast. same damn thing in my mind, but that's my unpopular opinion. I would go further and say $25 in a honeyfund is BETTER because I value experiences, not objects.

I'm not a fan of bridal showers. I actually love going to them and giving gifts but the idea of even consenting to someone throwing me a pp day so others could give me gifts seemed too much.

@mel - Better yet, no registry - $25 cash/check. No fees taken and you get experiences!

But @mel, you don't actually get the breakfast. You get a check for the cost of the pretend breakfast, with fees deducted. So instead of $25 towels, or the $25 cash you would have gotten if you didn't register at all, you get $20 in your pocket and your guests get hoodwinked into thinking you actually got your $25 breakfast.

I also feel like people rather give gifts than money to be cheap. Like let's give her a waffle maker that's $40 or $40? Which looks better? The waffle maker because giving $40 is fucking nothing.

@Jeanette, I don't think it's necessarily to be cheap but I do appreciate that the tangible registry gives people the opportunity to save a little money. We couldn't afford a $100 gift a few years ago but I found a $100 item on her registry on sale so it was great to be able to do that

That's a pretty horrifying attitude, Jeanette. $40 isn't "fucking nothing." And a waffle iron is a lovely gift if you like waffles and you want a way to make them.

@Jeanette - I doubt that IMO. We had 2 physical gifts and everything else was cash. I would hope no one was embarrassed by their gift amount. Those who give gifts, will gift regardless.

Actually I half side-eyed the physical gifts not because it was a physical gift, because they were regifts! And not even a card attached so they clearly did not put any care.

We had a decent registry and only got 6 (totally awesome) gifts at the actual wedding. Everyone else gave cash. I didn't have to ask for it.

We got a lot of stuff at the shower and some people sent gifts ahead of time, because the wanted too or because they wouldn't make it to the wedding. Some people sent cash ahead too.

People will give you cash either way, so explicitly saying you only want cash tends to rub people the wrong way for all the reasons PP have stated.