Honeymoon Fund & Registry

@Rachel - I totally prefer the way you're looking at the shower!! I think it's time for the shower tradition to adapt to be less gift focused or to go away

@Jeanette - with traditional registries I've also been able to buy my friends awesome gifts like a Le Creuset skillet that was on sale plus I had a discount code for the store. I still gave within my traditional gift price range but was able to get them more for the money!

Lol what a greedy, terrible attitude. Rawr rawr I have a honeyfund rawr rawr I do what I want and no one cares rawr rawr $40 is fucking cheap lol, glad I don't know you. Grow up and earn your own money instead of asking for cash and then judging the amount people give

The way I see it a registry is like the more organized/institutional version of a Birthday or Christmas list. It doesn't imply an obligation to give and ideally would have something at every price point. (Seriously there are several things under $10 and even a few under $5 on our registry and there are a few over $200 items).

Guests aren't supposed to be obligated to give gifts at a wedding (although everyone does) under old school etiquette. As others have said, in addition to what others have said about percentages taken out, it comes across as please pay me to come to our wedding. To me at least the registry comes far more across as hey if you'd like to give us a gift this is what we want/need. And just like with Christmas or Birthday list, folks know they can always give you a gift card or money and let you get what you want yourself.

Not one guest has asked me if I'm having a honeymoon fund. People have asked me where I'm registered and I'd be so embarrassed to say "please contribute to our honeymoon!" Seriously how WRONG does that sound?

Are there really NO honeyfunds that actually gift the couple the experience you paid for? As a guest I always thought it was such a cool concept but I had no idea they were getting a check or I would have just given them a check myself!!

Nothing is easier than putting a hundred dollar bill in a card.

And if I want to give you an 'experience"? I can figure out how to do that. I don't need to have profit making site take a percentage to write you a check.

@808bride the only ones I've heard of that come close to giving you actual things are Carnival and Disney's, but even they give it to you as shipboard credit/gift cards so the couple could actually use it for something else if the want

@Jenny Earn my own money? Um yeah I do thanks! And some people are cheap. Our mutual friends spent $100 on a dress, $50 to get her makeup done and then gave her a $40 waffle maker. Could she afford to give a better gift? Yes. Did she? No. She would rather spend money on herself. I live in a upper middle class neighborhood and some of our friends have just been plain cheap. They can afford to give people better presents but they choose not to. There's a difference. We went out with a couple who we went to their wedding and shower in Novemeber, got them $50 worth of bridal shower gifts and $150 in cash for wedding. They give us a $20 crockpot. And they have money! I've just come to realize that people are just selfish. Even when they have money they rather spend it on themselves.

Rawr rawr I don't care if you don't know me or care how I sound. And I'm not a greedy bitch. I just expected certain close friends to care more and they didn't. They rather get a $100 sack of cocaine and then drop $20 in a card to give us.

Do you really? I'm shocked because you don't seem to appreciate the value of it. Your attitude is as offensive as a panhandler on the street asking for money and then scoffing and calling people cheap because they gave too little

@Jeanette - Since when does the amount of money you have dictate what you give? A gift is a gift is a gift is a gift.

I'm glad you value closeness and caring to a monetary value.

Well yeah, of course people want to spend their money on themselves. They worked hard for that money. You are not entitled to the money someone else earned. Not to mention that you have no idea what they can afford. Shocker--living in an expensive area is expensive! Maybe they don't have oodles of cash left over after they pay the mortgage, the car note, the utilities, buy food and clothing, gas, etc. Or maybe they do have oodles of cash left over--that doesn't mean they owe that cash to you!

Wow @Jeanette! I would never presume to know everything about a person's choices or judge that person as selfish by how much they spent on the wedding gift. People talk about things being bad hostessing but this is the first time I've really felt a bride on these boards is treating her guests like an ATM if she's thinking they're being selfish by giving a gift rather than more money or a more a expensive item.

Omg I'm not entitled. I'm stating facts. People are cheap. They can afford to give a decent gift but they don't.

Come on, I've seen brides on here post- "I invited 150 people to my wedding and only 4 people gave gifts". Like sorry, that's fucked up. You spend all that money "hosting" people and literally that woman got nothing in return. Yikes. I felt really bad for her that day. This is just how I was raised. My whole family is from Long Island, N.Y. and my aunt raged at her son's wedding when people only gave $100....shes like that barely paid for the food! Lol it's kinda funny but she was just embarrassed for her son.

OMG! Weddings are not about getting "[something] in return"! It's about joining yourself with the person you love and then THANKING your nearest and dearest for taking time out of their lives to witness that union.

I can't even...

Um nothing in return is not the same as $40. Again and gift is a gift is a gift.

And your aunt is embarrassing to say the least. Since when do people have to cover their plate cost?

Bridal showers are part of the circle of life people. Just like weddings, baby showers, and children's birthday parties. Everyone knows you show up, you eat, your drink, you bring a gift. I appreciate it when I don't have to play a guessing game as to the gift. Sometimes I stay on registry, sometimes I go off registry (when there's only dishtowels and a $900 Roomba left because Mom and FMIL bought everything else) and include a gift receipt. I send a gift when I can't make the shower. I have never, ever judged the cost of anything on anyone's registry or given a rat's ass if it's a needed gift or a wanted upgrade. And yes, I registered for towels at Nordstrom because I love their towels and I don't like the scratchy cheap ones at Target. If someone doesn't want to buy the expensive towels, that's their prerogative and right. Get a gift, don't get a gift. Whatever. Showers and registries aren't rude. But the way people are attacking others is.

I would just like to know how many of you who are so offended by showers and gifts are not putting out a card box at your wedding? Yeah, I didn't think so.

ETA: If I got a nickel for every time someone use the word "rude" on WW, I'd be a rich woman. But of course, I wouldn't ask for the nickel, that would be, well, you know.

Jeanette? Maybe both you and your friends need different friends...

Your selective memory is in full force vis a vis people complaining about gifts because those posts are rare,

And a card box doesn't make you rude, it makes you organized. Duh.

"Omg, you guys! I'm not entitled! It's just that everyone owes me their money for...um...reasons and love and shit. And it had better not be any $40, either! Because that is 'fucking nothing' and I am entitled to...erm...DUE more than that."

me: *looks up entitled in the dictionary*

I am probably in the unpopular opinion here. I give checks or date night gift cards at almost every wedding I attend. But I don't mind a honeyfund. If I write a check, I don't mind if it goes to their honeymoon, I don't mind if it goes towards a savings fund, I don't mind if they use it to buy something off their registry they never got.

For all those saying, "I'm not paying for your sex vacation; we know what you do every night," yes they are having sex but they're also having sex on the nice sheets/duvet/duvet covers/blankets/tablecloths/chairs/rugs you bought them as an upgrade. So.

I've gone to a wedding where the bride and groom lived together and made a honeyfund. I wanted them to get the full amount; I wrote a check. I've been to a wedding where the bride and groom did not live together and we're furnishing a house and the bride registered for cutlery that was going for $120 a set (1 knife, 1 fork, 1 spoon). I didn't want to get them three utensils as a gift; I wrote a check (just an example but the rest of her registry was filled with outrageously expensive items).

It's all a matter of perception. We have many international guests and they are so confused why we don't just ask for cash. To them, registering for gifts on an actual website is weird and rude. And they're not wrong, it's a cultural thing. And I know some people on this forum may disagree with that and tell me I need to teach them it's not proper etiquette. I'm moving overseas and looked into registering at a few nice stores close to my new home so we could have items shipped there. Every single store has you register for items and at the end date, they tell you how much cash you have and you can pick and choose whatever you want off your registry.

The point is, you know your wedding guests more than anyone else. FH and I are having a medium sized wedding but we know all of our guests very well. I am not having a honeyfund but I know if I did, no one would be offended. I also know that by not registering, no one is going to be so spiteful, they bring me a toaster. If I had a different family dynamic working and I was worried about it, I would adjust.