"Holding Out" Before the Wedding

I think it's because it builds a level of excitement because you and your partner haven't been together for X amount of days. When you're no longer a virgin it's difficult to recreate that anticipation again. I don't know. That's just my guess.

Its just so that it feels special again the night of the wedding or honeymoon.

Me and my FH live together. We have sex fairly consistently and have done so since our first date (yeah, I put out the first night...haha)...

Anywho, we have discussed maybe not having sex the month or so before the wedding just so we have that anticipation built up on the night of and it will feel "special" again...It's really personal preference, it isn't a big deal one way or the other.

I ain't having that. FH could probably go without but I can't.

FH ain't havin' that!

FH and I have agreed on this too. We'll hit our eight year anniversary on the 12th of April so it'll build some excitement in a long term relationship.

That and who wants to sleep with a bridezilla? Haha just kidding.

I have actually heard from a few couples that their Pastor/Minister is saying no sex and in some cases no living together for at least 6 months before.

My FH is older than me and i think is in that stage where it isn't as big a deal to go without as it is for me. Right now we are giving up sex for lent. Who knows we might end up waiting until the wedding if its up to him. LOL Not so much for me.

FH would think I was crazy.

No thanx, I like to have it every day!

I need the stress relief!!

Ugh id be just fine with this but my fiancé would lose his mind. I have NO sex drive. Even last night on our 3 year anniversary I just wanted to sleep! Gotta find a way to boost my libido or I'm in trouble!

Clara - that was an issue for FH and I in the past, except opposite. He has no libido. Took a huge toll on our relationship and it nearly ended us. Depends on the couple, but we saw a counselor abou it and he now makes a larger effort to make sure I'm happy too. Don't get too comfortable.

My standard response to this concept:

My opinion is that if you do this, you need to be very vigilant about how it is affecting your FH, and open to ending the celibacy early if needed. Obviously most men would prefer not to be celibate for the physical benefits, but on a more important level, some people primarily express and receive love through physical affection-- so for these people in particular, it has emotional benefits, too. If your FH fits into this "category", removing that physical aspect from your relationship can be more harmful than you might expect. I've noticed my own FH gets very closed off and withdrawn if its been more than a week, so this is something that would never work for us.

It might be helpful for you/your FH to take the "5 love languages" test, too, to see if either one of you do rely on/need the physical component to feel loved.

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

Thanks Krystyna!

Kristine Reid, You are correct. Many priests or ministers, especially Roman Catholics require chastity before marriage. However, because the church acknowledges that people don't often follow this, they encourage not living together and being chaste for at least 6 months before the sacrament to enter into the union pure. My FH and I have to deal with this expectation from not only our officiant but also my family.

Other than that, it is a personal decision for each couple. What ever works for you and your partner is what you should do.

Hmm...

Now I feel like I should bring this idea up to FH. He probably wouldn't be thrilled about it, but it would definitely give us some excitement!

I brought this idea up to DH before we got married and he quickly went "No". We went for 5 days without it in the week leading up to the wedding, but that was because Aunt Flo was in town. But once Aunt Flo was done we got back on that horse up until 2 days before the wedding. It's a huge stress reliever and for us a way to stay connected through all the craziness. Didn't make doing it any less exciting once we got married.

My FH & I haven't done it in like a year and a half. We were both pretty...promiscuous in previous relationships lol and we decided to go to counseling & we became very active in our church home group and we decided it was best for our relationship to halt on the sex until we were married. We are obviously very excited, the anticipation is definitely there! Also not to put it on a pedestal or be cliche, but our relationship deepened so much more since we have stopped, because it forced us to have more than just a physical relationship around sex, which is how we started out being even before we were dating. Not saying that everyone should do it, but it was definitely what was best for us.

Maybe a day, but I don't get it, you'd both just go faster and that's no fun.

It's def to build anticipation. When you've lived together for so long and have a pretty consistent sex life, it can help shake things up. I assured FH that our married sex life is going to be waaaay different and I want to kick things off with a lil somethin' somethin' extra the night of. I couldn't give him the ALL the milk for free.

So there may be a little wait time, not sure yet. Either that or a lot of **bleep** teasing along the way. Either this will turn out to be super kinky or FH will be super pissed, lol!

Me and my fh r waiting till we r married to have sex. we never had sex and yes its very hard being that before I met him I was having sex like everyday but now I want to do things the right way and wait till we get married to live together and have sex