Help! My guests replies are no!

I'm not sure what you are expecting here. Did you call it a wedding on the invites? Maybe that's why people are declining...because you are already married. What you are doing is called a vow renewal. Eta there is no way I would fly across the country for a vow renewal. Sorry.

I think people can't get excited about a 5 year vow renewal - sorry Did you not have a big wedding when you got married?

Yeah, I wouldn't make a trip across the country for a vow renewal, especially after only 5 years. Sorry.

Yeah I had a friend got "married" 3 times to the same guy. Once through city hall, second time in a Nice venue, and third time decided to have a catholic wedding. People stopped caring after the first.... Sorry /:

I don't understand this at all. You are having a church wedding for your 5th wedding anniversary? Isn't that just called a vow renewal? Did you send out STDs several moths before since this seems to be a destination "wedding" with the majority of your guests coming from the other side of the country?

How many of the 100 RSVPs have actually been returned so far?

I wouldn't make a trip for a 5 year vow renewal either. Did you not have a big wedding? Did you guys separate and got back together?

Constructive advice. .. check with your venue about a refund and take your guests to a nice dinner to celebrate your anniversary.

From the sounds of it, you are planning a rather large event. I find this strange to celebrate a 5 year anniversary. Did you get married at a JOP originally or elope by chance? I honestly wouldn't fly across the country for a renewal of vows after 5 years. Most vow renewals I'm familiar with are for 25 + years. Sounds like alot of your "east coast/west coast" guests would have to fly - which can get expensive. That could be a big part of your problem. ETA _ spelling

I notified everyone with STD cards in March. Sent wedding invites in May to the east coast. Long time ago, We had a civil wedding first time in NY and small, unplanned, not big, no party, nothing. My family has broken up, they're not close anymore. We now wanted to try, bring everyone together in peace, happily, and have fun in California where we reside. Our church wedding is the first for each and now we can celebrate it better with everyone we invited. But, some replies have been that they cannot attend, no money, or work-schedule conflict for the east coast family. So, so far only our parents and 3 people will attend. Other guests have not all yet replied. We don't know what to cancel? Or do now? And I really appreciate nice, kind, polite replies of advice here. I'm asking to open your heart. We're very sad right now.

So your wedding is 3 months away. Did you send just the invite or have you sent save the dates months prior to the OOT guests? If I had to go OOT and just got an invite, it would be short notice and would most likely decline.

Bringing a family together is hard to do, especially when broken. That might have something to do with it too.

If you cancel now, can you get your deposits back? It sounds like you might be better off with a small, intimate ceremony and dinner.

Stressed - If the majority of the people you care about attending are on the east coast, why not plan for a smaller vow renewal, with the people you truly care attend, local to them?

It sounds like, not a lack of interest on their part, but inability to attend.

If you were to have an all inclusive venue for say 40 people in a central location on the east coast, with a wedding planner provided by the venue, perhaps it would be in line with the 100 person west coast cost you had planned, and would be attended by the people you care about most.

We are having a 6 year vow renewal. We eloped 6 years ago in Alaska. We live in Michigan and all of my family is in California. With the exception of my mom and sister, I don't really expect anyone to come. Were only inviting everyone because not inviting them would just cause drama. This was something we knew would happen, but in my case I don't care. It sounds like you are upset by it though. I guess for me, since it's a vow renewal, I don't really expect people to make the trip. You can dress it up to look like a wedding, but it's not going to hold the same importance in your guests eyes as a wedding. Take those 8 people and go have a nice celebration. Cancel the hall and everything and figure out a plan B. I'm sorry this happened, good luck!

RE: Snarky: thank you for your kind advice. Right now, my husband is stressed and upset. I'm terribly sad, disappointed and I don't know how this will become all better.

My advice is if you are honestly looking at less than 10 people showing up you need to cancel and get what money back that you can. Treat everyone to a nice dinner out after the church ceremony.

I don't want to hurt your feelings. In fact, I think it's lovely and inspiring that after five years of marriage you want to renew your vows. Having said that...ummm...you have to understand that most people (family/friends) will make an effort to attend your first wedding. If you didn't have a large wedding five years ago -- and I hate to say this -- a five year anniversary/wedding redo/vow renewal is probably not going to motivate a lot of people to expend the time and money to attend -- especially when some of your intended guests are thousands of miles away. An invitation to a 15th/25th/40th year anniversary/vow renewal might garner more guests, but never as many as a first wedding.

What's your RSVP date? Your event is in mid-September, and for most people, summer officially started yesterday. See where you are in late July/early August. You may need to make some adjustments with your venue. You may have to ask them to adjust the space so that is doesn't look massive and empty if you end up with 25 guests (and they may have some options for you -- as in, a smaller room). Plus, you may be able to upgrade considerably (alcohol and/or food).

ETA: I saw your later posts, OP. I really do understand your disappointment. It's just life.

RE: Kimberly, we invited everyone by mail, evite, and email we love early on!! We wanted this to be happy, fun, and memorable. We already paid for 75% of venue for reception, 40% DJ, 35% church, 10% photographer. I'm trying to figure out who should I cancel or keep! Everything has to be done in California, not in NYC now.

I have the same question about STDs - did you send them so people could plan financially and also ask for time off work? If you didn't then try not to be so hurt by those that say they can't afford it and can't take off work. I also wonder if you are looking thru rose colored glasses and think your happy event will bring people back together? You said the family is not close - you can't make them want to be together. I am not trying to be mean - just stating facts. People may not want to see each other and certainly may not want to fly across the country to do so. As I read time and time again on this forum - no one cares as much about your wedding as you do. Sorry ...

RE: The Centerpiece Flowers, thank you. That's a positive thought and nice words. I appreciate your advice.

RE: Kelli W, Everyone knew since early on about the event. We notified people that live far way ahead of time. The family that doesn't plan on coming is distant. Others have not replied as of yet. The wedding will be mid September. So far only 7 are coming. I'm disappointed. I don't know if I should cancel everything or just the DJ? I'm stressing. It was supposed to be a happy 1st time event, now it feels like a bad idea.

Many people reply late or by middle of August.