Help! My guests replies are no!

If you were really interested in having your family and friends attend, why couldn't you throw your shindig on the east coast?

I'm sorry that things haven't worked out how you thought they would. You still have over two months before the event; have you just heard verbally that people aren't coming? Also, did you talk with people before planning this and expect more? I can't imagine that you would have booked a venue, DJ, etc, without knowing for sure that you'd have a lot of guests.

I don't think this is a matter of "people only caring about themselves," it's just that you're asking people to travel to an event that many people don't feel is all that important (sorry if that sounds harsh). People have to save money to travel, take time off work, etc. for these things. Also, September is a hard time for people to travel, especially if they've taken summer vacations. If it was really important for people to be there, why didn't you arrange to have this party on the east coast, where you say most of your family is?

Like others have suggested, I'd see what money you can get back. You could postpone and have something on the east coast, so more family can come!

Selfish and uncaring? Because we are advising you we would not travel for your situation? Not everyone can afford such luxuries as traveling acrosscounty, no matter how much time in advance they have. Just because you don't like our advice doesn't mean we're a bunch of meanies.

I say cancel, get some $$ back, and elope. Invite people to watch via Skype. Host a bash for a 20 year vow renewal

RE: 100 people were invited. 7 replied yes, they will come. Now is 1 & 1/2 month until RSVP Deadline. Church wedding & reception is in middle of September.

Yes, this is all kind of a mess -

1. you are already married, this is a vow renewal

2. I would find it hard to be excited about this as a guest and am not surprised you are getting declines

3. I would also decline this

4. why would you request your guests rsvp so soon?

5. I would cut my losses, accept that this large celebration is really not going to happen and go out for a nice dinner

I get that you're upset, but people here are just being honest. Traveling across the country for any wedding is a huge commitment, and I think even if this was a traditional wedding-- which it's not, sorry-- you'd have a lot of declines from the other coast. And I know you said the evening is on you guys, but I'm going to guess you're not covering all of the plane tickets, hotel, etc.

The situation is what it is. You have some suggestions here to make the best of it. You can have a lovely celebration with the people who are willing to make the trip, but your ship may have sailed for the huge wedding you envisioned.

ETA: You can continue to be upset, disappointed, and miserable, or adjust your expectations. Up to you.

You have 6 weeks until your deadline? Why are you whining now? Your guests have PLENTY of time to RSVP.

Wait why did you send out invites so early? And why are you freaking out when you still have 6 weeks until your deadline?

For the record, I probably wouldn't attend either.

Okay, 7 people replied yes. How many of the 100 replied "no" versus how many haven't responded?

I think one problem is the date of the wedding. Since it's in September, those with children would have to pull them out of school to travel....assuming you're allowing kids at your wedding. Also, teachers, coaches, ect would have a hard time taking vacation time during that time. When was the RSVP deadline? You still have a few months left.

I think you shouldn't panic yet. Your guests still have plenty of time to RSVP (over a month) and most people wait until the last minute. You may actually end up with a decent amount of people there. If it will make you feel better, you can casually call people to find out if they plan on going or what the deal is. The fact that they haven't responded yet doesn't mean they're not going

Stressed, I am going to try to be as nice as possible. Your vow renewal is a week after mine. I haven't even sent invites. I will this week. My Rsvp date is August 5. You have plenty of time to receive your rsvps.

I understand you are upset that family from NYC cannot attend but that is a very far trip, even if it was for your original wedding. A vow renewal is more important to the couple and immediate family. Another thing to think of, my family that lives far away is unable to attend because their children start school at the beginning of September. Perhaps this is a factor in your attendance issue as well.

But I do think you have time to receive more rsvp's. I would not worry yet. One thing that you do need to keep in mind is that you are doing a vow renewal, not a legal wedding. My Dh's godparents got church married last year. They were married 30 years prior but not in a church. They wanted a church wedding and presented it to the guests as a vow renewal. They had a small guest count, around 30.

My father passed last month so DH and I got married prior to his passing so he was able to be there. Our wedding in September is technically a vow renewal and we are letting people know that.

As many others have said though, not as many people will come to a vow renewal, it is asking a lot of your family/friends to spend $3000 to fly across country for that. But I am sorry you arent not getting responses from guests that you were hoping.

You still have tons of time before your deadline. Typically invites aren't sent until 6 weeks before the deadline. How many outstanding responses do you have? If you still haven't heard back from a lot of people, that is expected. However you need to understand that some people aren't going to be able to travel. A lot of my family wasn't able to travel across the country for my wedding and it wasn't a vow renewal. It is expensive to travel and for some people time off work can be a challenge. I probably wouldn't travel across country for a 5 year vow renewal.

I don't want to speak for your family, but I'd be side-eying the "getting married in the church" thing because it is such a departure from my own views. To a lot of people, including basically everyone in my extended family and FH's extended family, a civil marriage is the only one that matters, and getting married in the eyes of God means literally nothing. If you have family members that are lukewarm on religion or nonreligious, the whole idea may seem a little uncomfortably unnecessary to them, and not enough to justify the expense.

I would not attend this either, especially not for the $1,500 it would cost FH and me to get 3,000 miles across the country and stay in a hotel for a few nights.

It's not selfish or uncaring to explain that people don't get all excited about 5 year vow renewals. I don't know what to tell you. Based on your posts, it seems like you are wanting to do what is referred to on the knot as a "pretty pretty princess day". I totally get wanting to dress up formally in a beautiful gown, have all the pomp and circumstance of the big white wedding. But.....because you're not really getting married (you're already married!) and it's only been five years, I don't think it's out of line that people aren't really showing you the enthusiasm you expect.

This will sound cold, but it's not really a "big deal" to make it to 5 years married to anyone but you and maybe a few people close to you. And 5 years isn't really long enough to say that you need to renew your vows.

Rachel, I think that's rude to say getting married in the eyes of God means literally nothing. It means a lot to some people (including me), and it obviously means a lot to her since she spent so much time and money planning this church wedding.

RE: Thank you nice, kind people. Some of your comments are helpful. This situation will be resolved. Those not coming have been rather difficult from the east coast, are single, divorced, can't afford it, there are no kids involved, some young adults have exams in school, some even wanted free room & board too! And others suddenly had personal health issues. The family in NYC has money & never helped. East coast was notified in March and May. West coast got notified in June. Everyone at first got excited, and all said yeah! We'll come. Now, we don't know yet all the replies. The small family on the west coast has been paying for everything! The couple just wanted to do something nice, religious, meaningful, and memorable. It's now about 6 weeks until RSVP'S all return. We don't know if we should cancel everything or just the DJ. We're nervous. 1/2 of everything has been paid already! from early on.

You still haven't answered the important question:

7 people responded YES. How many people responded NO?

Just because you haven't received a response, doesn't mean the answer is no. The answer isn't no until you get a response card that says "decline".

Stressed-first and foremost no one is being cold and selfish. Second you are not having a wedding. You are already married. You are having a vow renewal. You need to start addressing it as such. Like almost 100% of everyone here stated a vow renewal is just not important enough to sepnd thousands for most people to attend, especially a 5 year vow renewal. My first marriage we ran off to the courthouse, heck I had never even met my future in laws!! I met them 3 days after we got married! The inlaws didn't even meet MY family until 4 years after we were married! We never once thought of doing another "wedding" to bring families together. That makes zero sense.

I was just a bridesmaid in a vow renewal over the weekend. They invited close to 150 people. 45 came.

No matter how you frame it, a vow renewal isn't the same thing as a wedding. Her vow renewal was beautiful, meaningful, and I had a hell of a lot of fun, but it didn't feel the same as a wedding. They had been married just over a year and a lot of the "traditions" (like the first dance, etc.) felt almost like they were just putting on a show.

And, honestly, even if you were actually getting married, you can't get mad at people for not being able/willing to travel to a wedding. You don't get to dictate how people spend their time or money. You can be bummed, sure, but if it meant that much to you that these people attend then you should have held the wedding where they are located.