Help! My guests replies are no!

Some can't afford the trip.

Pretend I said what The Centerpiece Flowers said. I have to be honest - I would not spend money to travel, or use up vacation time to attend a 5 year vow renewal.

My son-in-law has 2 sisters. Both had JOP weddings. DD and son in law had a medium size-ish wedding. About 7-8 years after they were married they both decided they wanted to do vow renewals. One was going to be married 18 years, the other one 12-13 years. They planned a big shebang, wedding dresses, wedding cakes, venue, etc. Invited 100 people. 8 people came.

I don't think people get too geeked up about early vow renewals that are wedding re-dos. If you can get any money back or cancel you might want to just take your guests out to dinner.

I am actually going to sympathize with your guests on this one. You've made a few mistakes, and you've got one going on right now just from looking at your date.

So, let's be clear: your wedding is not this September. It's not a wedding. You shouldn't have sent out wedding invites for it because you're already married. You got hitched at a court house. That was your choice, nobody made you do it. Now you get to pour out your puppy chow and eat it, too.

What should you do? Talk to your venues about getting refunds. And when that's all said and done, if being close to family to celebrate is so important, maybe try talking to your family and tell them, "Hey, we'd really like to celebrate our relationship with you since we didn't really get to when we got married. How can we do that?" and maybe plan a nice party (note: Party! Not wedding!) somewhere local to your family, rather than expecting them to bust their wallets accommodating your not-wedding. Reserve a nice restaurant, have a cook-out, rent a lodge and pay too much for a food truck if it really floats your boat, but don't make it out to be what it's not.

Don't get me wrong, vow renewals are a wonderful thing. However, I find it a little strange that you're doing one at five years. And I find it bizarre that you think your family is spend-all-the-bucks happy about this, to their point of view, minor event.

Basically what everyone else has been saying. I'm sorry that its hurt your feelings.

I agree with Zoni. The event that you have planned in September is not a wedding, it is a vow renewal. You should definately talk to your venue and vendors about getting a refund. I am sorry no one is interrested in coming. I too would not spend money to attend a vow renewal after only 5 years. It just seems unnecessary. Recoup whatever deposits you can and go on a fabuolus 5 year anniversary trip!

I would check with all the vendors and recoup whatever money you can by canceling now. Take whoever is already planning to come out to a nice dinner. I know it's frustrating when people don't care about the things you care about. It's hard enough to get people excited about your actual wedding, but a vow renewal at 5 years that people have to travel for? I'm sorry, it's just not going to happen.

I understand you feel disappointed especially since you wanted to have the wedding of your dreams now and your turn out may not be what you wanted. This is my second marriage first was a simple elopement with just ex's parents there so therefore this time I wanted the wedding and can now afford to do the wedding as I want on my own. You can still do your wedding of your dreams just keep in mind it is YOUR WEDDING and what matters most is the two of you, no matter how many show up. My wedding is small inviting 32 but expecting only 15 to 20 to be able to make it, but we are still doing everything just a smaller crowd.

I have to add that if I got invited to a 5 year renewal that I only had to drive 30 minutes to on a Saturday I would totally go just for the party! But I would t fly and take time off work for it. Having said that do you have enough family and friends that live near you for which you could throw a big party? Might be a good compromise for you and you can at least celebrate.

I have done many, many weddings where the couple was married quietly, privately, simply before; sometimes YEARS before. The difference here? Your guests know this is a renewal; their guest, by in large, did not.

I post on this topic enough that my views are pretty known; I think that anyone who gets legally married should be able to have the party they dream of (and can afford) whenever they want it, but when you bill it as a vow renewal, especially one that requires travel that dramatic,.....well.....for most people it's a big yawn. I'm sorry. It shouldn't make a difference, but to many people, it does.

I'd also try to cancel what you can; it's a prime date and even though it's close, you never know. You may be able to switch your plans up.

We need more information. You invited 100. How many people replied no? When is the RSVP Date?

When is your RSVP deadline?

Well, it's established it's a vow renewal.

I wouldn't come. To me vow renewals happen after a couple have been married for years and there is a significant reason to have it. You've overcome some major hurdles, or you've been married 25 years and still feel like it was only yesterday you fell in love. If you didn't have anything when you married, you should have planned a nice party in the first year. At five years, who cares?

If you wanted to get family together, you should have suggested a family reunion and sent feelers out to see if anyone was interested or could afford it.

I would cancel the DJ and the venue and get back what money you can. Then take your guests out to a nice restaurant. Sorry, but I agree with everyone else.

It's nice for you to do, but you can't expect people to travel for a wedding, let alone a vowel renewal. It's nice and you have every right to have it, but you have to expect and accept that many people will not travel for it.

This may sound like a hokey idea, but if you're already paid so much for the reception, have you thought about extending invites to places like nursing homes in the area?

you mention it's to be a church wedding, could you speak to someone at that church about your situation? there could be people from the church that would love to come and wish you well.

it it's too late to get money back from the event, then that's what I would look to doing.

I personally think it's wonderful that you are having this wedding. people decline for weddings for many reasons, it happens. just do all you can to enjoy this day- I personally don't really see the stigma attached to the idea of it being 5 years or however long myself. when you have it is up to you. my grandparents waited until their 50th anniversary to have the big bash they never had, and my grandmother told me that even though the celebration was wonderful, it was a mistake to wait until they were seniors to do it. she would have rather have had it much earlier when they would have had more energy to enjoy it, and when she could have worn a dress made for a younger bride vs feeling she should wear something 'suitable for a older woman'

she also told me how friends of hers had made the same plans, and one of the couple didn't make it to their 'proper' 50th anniversary.

if people really are declining because it's only been 5 years, then I think that's a petty shame myself.

someone else is looking to have a WW table at their wedding, wonder if there's Huntington beach brides that would like to come and share your day I would if I was closer, but I'm afraid I'm too far away edit for add on.

RE: I must say, many of you seem cold, selfish, insensitive! and uncaring. We never eloped, jumped on a broom, or chose to be dramatic. We always thought about family & others before us. There are 2 families! One in the east coast that's big, and is distant, and the 2nd small, quiet one in California. We never got married in a church. Only by civil law. We care and thought it would be nice to have the church ceremony and party to bring everyone together. We're not even asking for anything, just that the guests attend and enjoy everything on us! But, it seems we live in a shallow world where nobody seems to care about others but themselves. We have been nice and done everything well by the book. Some people here and some comments are really impolite which really is surprising for such a nice website.

You still have over 2 months before the date. This is when we sent our invitations, not worried about how much we hadn't got back yet. When was your RSVP date? You said you still have 1.5 months to wait for the replies, so why are you worried about it now? It seems a little too far away for people to have made plans yet.

Stressed, except you are throwing a vow renewal for your friends and family to a vow renewal 2,600 and 3,200 miles away from where they live. The cost to travel to your vow renewal will be at least $3,000. Unless you are paying their travel expenses and their hotel room, its not really everything on you!

I'm a bit unsure about what's your actual question - do you need advice about which vendors to cancel?

If that's what you are asking, then it depends on (1) how many guests have RSPV'd yes, (2) whether you still want to have a church ceremony and reception with that amount of guests, and (3) whether your venue will let you have an event with that amount of guests (and charge you accordingly) or if you will be penalized for not meeting a minimum. For example, my venue will penalize me if I have less than 50 guests.

If your venue doesn't have a minimum, then other than feeling down about the unexpected amount of declines, I don't see a problem with carrying on with the wedding. If you do have a minimum and it doesn't seem like you'll meet it, cancel the venue as soon as you can, try to get as much of your money back as possible, and choose a different, smaller venue.

Actually I think YOU are being insensitive and selfish--to your GUESTS. As many stated here, very few people are interested in attending a 5-year vow renewal disguised as a wedding. ESPECIALLY if they are expected to pay upwards of $1000 to attend! ETA Grammar is hard.