Head Table-What if the wedding party has a spouse?

Save yourself the headache and just do a sweetheart table.

@Jenny -

@Mrs.K -- if I could have my kittens at my head table.. shit, every problem in my life would be solved.

We asked our bridal party. None of them felt strongly one way or another. They all suggested people that their dates could sit with though and since our families (who helped $$&dollar wanted a head table with just the bridal party we went that route. After the dinner everyone milled about anyways so it wasn't an issue. All the dates sat with people that they already knew so there was no issue.

Since we're only having a MOH and best man (no BMs or GMs) and both of them are married, we're going to have their spouses sit with us too. FH and I are good friends with their spouses, so I think it'll be nice for all of us to sit there together. We're not going to do a traditional head table with the fancy skirt and whatnot.. it doesn't really go with our style. But the 6 of us will sit at a table together.

I've been to a couple weddings when FH was in the wedding party and I sat a table with the other GMs' spouses and I still had a great time (i.e I drank lots and danced with the other ladies)

I'm with Julia on this one! We're definitely having a sweetheart table. As for the bridal party, I haven't gotten that far into planning on their seating arrangements. Most of them aren't married anyways, except my matron of honor, and she'll most definitely want to sit with her husband and child.

We had two bridesmaids and two groomsmen, so we had one rectangular head table. 10 people, including spouses, all facing the dance floor. I personally would not have wanted to separate the BP with their spouses, so if the BP had been larger and a head table wouldn't have worked, we would have probably done a sweetheart table.

I'm not going to tell you the right way or wrong way to do it, because I don't think there is one. I just know that if H was in a wedding that I wasn't in, I would be a little sad to not sit with him at dinner, so we put our couples together. Would I survive eating dinner without him? Of course. Would I enjoy my time at the wedding a little more if I got to spend dinner with him? Yes. So that's the mentality I had when planning the head table. But it's not "wrong" or "rude" to separate them for dinner. I just didn't want to do it.

We ultimately decided on a sweetheart table. I knew my Moh's husband is a little bit of a needy child so didn't want to have to deal with his whining, or make any of our guests deal with it either so just sat everyone else with their SO's. We've only been to one wedding where we were sat apart and I felt bad for FH because he didn't know the people that well and they all were very close friends aside from him.

Only two members of our wedding party have SO's so we decided to seat those SO's with people at other tables that they know. They will both literally be surrounded by friends at their tables so we're not concerned at all.

Just because I ask someone to be a part of my wedding party doesn't mean I'm inviting their SO (who I may not be as close with) to sit at the head table at my wedding. They can survive on their own for the one-hour dinner. I've done it multiple times.

@Maltese- Thank you! I see this topic come up so often on here. I haven't been to a ton of weddings, but at every one I've been to it's a headtable with just the bride, groom and BP. I asked FH if he wanted to do a sweetheart table and he was adamant that wedding should have head tables, so that's what were having. Two of Four of our BP have SO's and the others are single. Those SOs can sit with friends for half an hour, it's not that big of a deal.

I could understand if you didn't know anybody there, but if you do I don't see the big deal.

I had the wedding party at the head table and all of the their SOs at a table together next to the head table (except those that had other family attending - they sat with family).

I am big on having everyone included. SOs of the groomsmen were invited to stay with me and my BMs the night before the wedding and SOs of the BMs were invited to stay with H and his guys. Our entire bridal party and all of their SOs (or a plus one for those without a "date") were invited to ride on the bus with us from the wedding to the reception.

There is really nothing that bothers me more about having an SO in a wedding than being excluded from the festivities.

That being said, I think it is proper for the bridal party to be shown as important by being seated with the Bride and Groom at a head table. If there is an SO that can't handle mingling with other guests at the wedding, then he/she probably isn't adult enough to be in a relationship.

Maybe it's just me, but I have never been to a wedding with a head table and cared two sh*ts for the people up there, other than the bride and groom. I know you want your nearest & dearest up there, but frankly, I don't care, nor do I believe anyone else does. It's weird, and you're not an actual royal court that needs to be put on display for ANY reason. If anything, I think it should be parents (if they're supportive).

$.02

^^^LOL..."I don't care, nor do I believe anyone else does. It's weird, and you're not an actual royal court that needs to be put on display for ANY reason". I just love it when the fresh breeze of truth brings us all back to reality. Well said, m...well said.

I really don't like splitting up couples at a wedding. Even if they are dating, engaged, living together, or married. I think it is a contradiction to celebrate two people coming together while separating other I would either have their spouses sit with you or do a sweat heart table. You could also do it half and half. Maybe have the couples in the bridal party join you after a bit of your first dance, then they can go sit together. Or do something similar with the song after the first dance. You could also have a table on either side of the sweat heart table with the bridal parties and their spouses (this way it still looks like a traditional head table). Try to remember that they are already separated when they are getting ready, and during the ceremony and pictures. You probably won't remember if they are bored or lonely at your wedding, but they will. Ultimately it is your day and it won't kill them to be separated for it. I hope this helps

I don't think the issue is if the guests care. I think it if her BP cares. If you care what they think, sit them with spouses. If you don't sit the SOs somewhere else. Ultimately it is one dinner and they will deal.

We're doing a head table but not with the BMs and GMs. Our parents (or rather his parents and my Mum and brother) will sit with us and the rest of the party will sit with the rest of the guests. The only reason is that my sister has two small children (one will only be 3 months by the wedding) and I don't want to separate her from them for too long (plus there will be no way her husband could cope with looking after two kids and feeding himself). If it weren't for her then I'd be having a traditional top table with parents and BP. Personally I can't stand sweetheart tables - then I really would feel on display.

As for being sat apart from your SO - but the time dinner comes around unless you've been standing in a corner staring at the wall you should have met a few people.

Everything @Maltese said....It's only for a little portion of the night. We will be having our bridal party at the head table with all spouses nearby!

We are talking about having a sweetheart table for the two of us, and then having a banquet table for our party and their dates. Our best man will probably be engaged by then, and the future fiance is close to my FH. I like it better that way, and my BMs enjoy having a date for the night.

I just think, like Sadie, that a wedding is about celebrating a couple, so it's respectful to acknowledge couples and relationships outside of the bride and groom. By the time people sit down to dinner, SOs of BP members have usually already had to spend a good portion if the day entertaining themselves during BP prep time, ceremony, pictures, etc., so the least you can do is let them eat a meal with their dates. Plus... Is it really that much of an imposition to have BP SOs sit at a King's Table? Is their presence really that offensive?

We went to a friends wedding that FH was the best man in and they had the entire wedding party at their table..... IT WAS TERRIBLE! I had to sit all alone with strangers and so did some of the other spouses. I am a pretty outgoing person but it still was not ideal. I would recommend having the spouses with you or just having a sweetheart table and then another table with your wedding party and spouses!