Head Table-What if the wedding party has a spouse?

We have 16 people in our wedding party and most are married. We plan to have a sweetheart table for just FH and I. Our bridal party will be seated with their spouses/SO's at guest tables. Probably scattered around....some are family, some are my friends, his friends, our friends, etc. Its more about the amount of room our head table would take up in our reception space and not because of the spouse situation.

I've been to several weddings and honestly, I have never seen spouses/SO's at the head table. They've always been seated with the other guests. Guess what? They always end up making new friends. Just seat them with fun people and not like awkward ones that won't engage them in conversation! They will live.

@Jenny...it was a pretty straight forward question. And YOU may not think that should be one of those times, but obviously plenty of other bride and grooms do

For the record, I can totally see this working if your whole wedding party and their guests are familiar. But I think in most circumstances, there are dates who don't know the other SOs.

We're having the spouses sit with us. We have a few in the WP that have kids but they have older kids who will be able to watch them for the dinner. I thought of having a sweet heart table but I really would like to sit and eat with our WP.

@Jenny...are you this much of a whiny cry baby in real life or just crabby when people disagree with you? If you don't like open discussion on internet forum, you may want to run up to Barnes and Noble and grab a wedding magazine

@Maltese, I am so amused.. I haven't been whiny once. I suggested we agree to disagree, and you continued to make snarky comments.. relax dear.

I'm definitely pro-sweetheart table for all of the reasons mentioned before and because I'm thinking that will be the only time FH and I get alone that day, so I'd like to enjoy it.

Jenny Im saying. Whats the big deal of sitting separately when you have already been apart for most of the day if you're in the wedding. That person has to do pictures before the ceremony, walk in the ceremony, possibly take pictures during cocktail hour and then be introduced in the entrance, what's another hour in the grand scheme? Is it awkward the sit with people you don't really know? Sure. But that's your opportunity to make some new friends. If you don't want to spend time apart from your SO your opportunity is when being offered a spot in the wedding party.

Maltese thats hilarious. I picture them photobombing all the pictures. lol

@Elyse -- that's the reason I'm opting for sweetheart too.. I can't imagine there will be any other alone time at all, so it'll be nice to enjoy that.

We are doing a head table with just the BP. Luckily for us our BM and GM are dating so we don't need to worry about them, My MOH most likely wont be bringing a date and the Best Man will have a date but she knows people that will be at the wedding. Even if things hadn't worked out so conveniently we still would have only had BP at the head table.

@Willie my honest answer is that I just think dinner is a little more intimate, I guess? The ceremony is over, it's a time for celebrating -- and I'd like to do that with the bride and groom, as well as my SO.

ETA: grammar

@Willie: during the ceremony, bridal party can be separated from their spouses because it's not a "socializing" time. All they have to do is sit there and watch. It's not like dinner, when people will be talking to each other. If someone is sitting at a table where they don't know anyone and are especially introverted, that can be really painful for them. My FH is probably the most introverted person I know so I'm kind of sensitive to this issue.

For pictures: my bridal party's dates will be traveling with us. No, they will not be in the pictures, but they'll be with us on the party bus and we'll have beer and snacks and music playing. They can get off the bus with us if they want or they can stay on the bus and hang out.

Sure, most adults CAN be separated from their spouses for a few hours. But that doesn't mean that they should. 85% of my bridal party is traveling from out of town. Most are flying and won't have a car. It just makes more sense to have everyone's spouses or dates with them so they don't have to worry about getting around. I just asked myself "What would make my bridal party the most comfortable?" and went with that.

Willie, the flip side to that is also that they have already been away from each other for so long so why keep them separated even longer?

@Jenny...I'm to tired to tell you to put your big girl panties on and suck it up, that if blunt, frank and honest questions from internet strangers whom you will never meet upset you then hanging out on a public forum may not be what you're looking for

Jenny and Lori I guess that's fair

@Lori I agree.. my sole goal for my BP is to make sure they're as comfortable as possible. And that means them being with their dates. I know my girls, and I know they'd prefer this. I know I would too.

I can see both sides, and have been to weddings with both. I definitely did not enjoy being at a table with people I didn't know, who all clearly knew each other. I haven't seen a head table in probably 10 years. I've only seen sweetheart tables. For us, it works. We can have a chance to be alone, and enjoy our meal.

I agree with Maltese! We're having a kings table and NOT having SO at the table, just the BP. Only a few of the BP have SO anyway, and we were very strict on our rule for +1s, so I don't think it's fair to only have some people with a date at the head table

Ok...so how many times a day does someone on this forum give the advice: "Have the wedding you and your FH want"?

If the wedding they want involves their inner circle being with them for dinner then thats all that should matter

Holy hell..I had no idea this was such a hot button issue! @Maltese just summed it up. Have the wedding you want. Do it your way.