He wants to postpone :-(

I don't know how I would take this honestly, I know people want to seem heroic and perfect but I would be hurt and (in some way) jealous. I can't imagine how you're feeling, and yes some women have made very valid points about him previously caring for her but that doesn't necessarily make things clearer. Did he say this in haste? It's possible he's just dealing with a ton of emotions and thought the wedding may add extra stress. I would give him

A couple days and ask if he wants you to continue canceling vendors. I'm so sorry

Yeah that is strange. They don't have kids together and he postponed because his ex wive who ran off with his friend and they had no contact for 2yrs has cancer? There's more to the story for sure! Sorry you're going through this. Good luck with your therapist.

I'm not exactly jealous. I'm confused. They were married for seven years, no kids, and she cheated on him for four of those seven years.

I understand this is a shock for him. I'm being compassionate towards him. I support him being in contact with her right now.

The weird thing is, she called him while zipping around town in her stolen convertible with the top down. She told him not to tell her family anything. She wouldn't (or couldn't?) give him any information about whether she was getting treatment for the cancer. She also said the four months estimate was given to her in December. There's a lot of fishy stuff going on here.

I guess that's really why I'm confused. Sigh.

With her drug history, is it possible she's lying about the diagnosis to try and manipulate him?

I understand him wanting to be there for his ex. Obviously she was a huge part of his life. However, I don't think he should want to postpone the wedding for this reason. I agree with others, I would seek premarital counseling.

Hm, that does sound fishy, and it really could be possible if it's a made-up story that she's trying to play with his emotions. Whatever happens I think you have to be really cautious not to come across as a crazy jealous lady (even though you said you aren't). Is your fiance suspicious of the story? It sounds like he believes her that she's dying?

If the four months was given to her in December then theoretically she should've been gone by now. It's 5 months past December. Sometimes it takes a little longer , but that seems strange to me. Why doesn't she want her family knowing? That's who she should tell not her ex. Is she married again or seeing someone?

Am I missing something? Why did she call him and where is the guy she left him for? I'm not sure, how I would react. The only thing that I do know is that, I would be skeptical. I'm not a cold person but I don't see why he have to be there for her and postpone your wedding date. Where is her family & friends? good luck

It could possibly be he's wanting to postpone to spare her feelings. Even though I've been w fh longer, his ex admitted to feeling jealous we are getting married (even though she's married herself lol). I think sometimes jealousy is inevitable. Your fh probably doesn't want to add to her stresses right now. Looking at this scenario from HER view point; her ex is getting married right around the time she's expecting to die. That's horrible for her! I'd personally want to postpone myself. Especially because it's a courthouse wedding and much more flexible. Let him lay her to rest, then start planning. There's no rush!

I really don't have advice for you, but when my dad had a stroke (he has fully recovered thankfully) about 8-9 years ago my parents had been divorced for about 10 years at the time. They had a horrible marriage and she held so much resentment towards him, but when she learned about his stroke she literally dropped everything and went to the hospital- made sure he was getting the best care and then went back to his apartment and cleaned it and stood there until he was able to come home. She even fully stalked his fridge and pantry, bought him new towels, bedding etc., moved things around because he was going to be using a walker for a few weeks. It was such an amazing thing to see. I think she did it for a few reasons: 1) She was with him for 20 years 2) She has 4 children (including me with him and we were all still pretty young. I was about 21, my sister 18, my brother 16, and my baby brother 11). So, we knew the serious of his situation, but we would have never been able to handle it like she did. When he did get home we did take turns making sure he was okay everyday-mainly my sister and I because we were the only ones who drove at that time besides my mom, but she had to get back to work.

So, if he has kids with maybe he wants to be there for them. If they were together for a long time and have children maybe he just is a little distraught. I personally don't think it's about you. He may just want to be there for here. I could only imagine spending my life with someone for so long and even if we did have a time when we had to leave for our own reasons we usually never think about that person passing or getting sick. So, when he it does happen you probably just feel like you care, not romantically, but as a human that spent a lot of their life with that person and loved them. Just because relationships don't always work out doesn't mean there's a switch that you flip and completely stop caring (well maybe in some HORRIBLE cases).

Talk to him and even talk to a therapist. I don't believe this isn't anything about you.

He can still be there for her and get married...a courthouse wedding takes what, 30 minutes to a hour tops. There's no real travel involved and hardly any cost. You are right to be suspicious of this.

Not to sound harsh, but unless they have kids together this is not his problem. The only ex I would consider supporting through something like this is the father of my children. If any other ex called me with something like this, I would say sorry to hear that. I wish you well and goodbye.

Maybe I'm just being a mean ass but I wouldn't postpone my wedding day for any of my exes that I didn't have kids with. I've been married before and if my ex husband calls me after all this time to tell me that he is dying of cancer in 4 months, I'd say, "I'm sorry to hear that. I'm praying for you and your family." Funny thing is my wedding day is actually my ex husband's birthday. He told me I was wrong and that I should change it. I told him to kick rocks. It's a day we picked. My FH does know this information and felt it was a day that worked best for us and so I will be celebrating my our lives together not the ex!

I agree with Julia T

Did anyone miss the part where she said that the ex was told back in December that she had 4 months? I wouldn't put my wedding on hold for an ex.

If I had an ex that called me and told me that he was going through something terrible like this, I would be there for them too. I strongly doubt that I would postpone my wedding. There may be bad blood but, at one point he loved her, a lot. I think that therapy is needed but, you can't resent someone for being trustworthy.

Can I ask, why do you think that it is suspicious on his part? Just that he wants to postpone during this time or is he exhibiting more behavior?

I took two years psychology in college ...no, it does not make me an expert, but this sounds classic BS tactics.

1. She won't give him any information about treatment ....Why?

--because there is no treatment and she can't go into specifics because she doesn't know what

is involved. She can't risk him "wanting to go" to Dr appts or treatments that don't exist.

--If she needs some sort of support, and your FH is the one she reached out to she would be

sharing information, someone to talk to and actually help her through it.

2. He's not suppose to say anything to her family

--because she doesn't have a tumor and her family would call it out?

--OK, maybe there is some really bad blood going on there.

3. She was given 4 months to live in December

--well, it's 4 months and she's running around in a stolen car. If she were doing

treatments to prolong life, she wouldn't be running around "living" life. If she chose to

not have treatments she would be under pain management and too sick to be running around

"living life".

You are your FH's priority. You are the woman he's been with the last 3 years and is planning to marry. You come first. Everything I said above should be HOT RED flags and your FH should be questioning everything before making the decision to alter your life plans together. But he's taking what little she's handing him and he's willing to "postpone" his September wedding to you. To do what? She's not talking about her "treatments". At this point there should have been Radiation, chemo. Being terminal I doubt surgery. If she does need help and support, what are the expectations? Living with her? Taking her to Dr appts and treatments? How much support does he think he needs to give that puts you on hold? And if that's the case, then I'd want my FH to introduce me. "this is my fiance, if you need OUR support, WE'LL be there for you."

She left him. So there is no guilt to be had on his part.

1. It suggests that while he cares for you he still has some unresolved feelings for her, especially if he's so willing to take what little info she's handed him.

2. He is using it because he is not ready to marry.

My grandfather was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given six months to live. He lived short of 2 years. But through that time he went through chemo and radiation, was on loads of medications, especially for pain. Life dramatically changed, he had to take life slow

I've been planning my wedding the last six months, my mother was just diagnosed with cancer and will need to go through chemo/radiation then surgery. Right off they wasted no time in staging her cancer and scheduling out the next 3 months with a plan of action. Why would anyone throw out such vague tidbits about something so serious?

And if she were "healthy" minded. She wouldn't want him to place his life on hold.

Ok...that was my 2 cents.

I'd be suspicious too. He wants to postpone a courthouse wedding? That takes no time at all, and it's important to you.

Also, you mentioned she was a drug addict. Drug addicts are generally very manipulative and lie to survive. He doesn't know her treatment schedule? She doesn't want family to know? Sounds incredibly suspicious to me.

Definitely get your therapist's take.

Sounds like she found out you're engaged and wants to mess with you guys. I wouldn't postpone wedding just yet. Give it a week i'm sure more information will come out.

And you guys have been together three years but they lost touch 2 years ago? So for the first year you were together they were still in communication?