He wants to postpone :-(

I think that it is ok for him to care about her considering what she is about to go through. But to postpone the wedding for it?

That's concerning.

One word: Therapist.

Well even though they are no longer together they had a history (especially if he was married to this woman) so it's probably hard to come to terms with her dying. It might be more difficult than you realize. He might not be trying to back out of marrying you but he might seriously feel like it's not right to get married at that time.

That is confusing. I second @zoni, therapist.

How long have you been together and does he have children with her? I do think this raises some flags and I'd get to therapy ASAP.

Does he have children with her? Maybe he thinks it would be rude to have a happy time in light of her sad time.

I would for sure contact a therapist.

Oh my i'm so sorry. I don't even know what to say

Do they have children together?? I would understand if they have kids because that situation is going to be hard for the whole family.

You should be glad he's postponing though. You don't want to marry someone who for one reason or another isn't ready.

Its very weird because if she is dying in 4 months thats the EXACT time as your planned wedding...... uhmmmm.... seems a little off (just the numbers)

If she has 4 months to live that's putting her possible death around the time you planned to get married... it sort of makes sense to me if he doesn't want to plan a wedding for that time as well, especially if they have a long history together and kids. It does raise flags that she randomly calls out of the blue to tell him this though.

I think more information would be needed to provide solid advice. What was their relationship? were they married or just dating? did it end on good terms? How long after their relationship ended did you and him start your relationship? do they have kids together?

I would seek some professional help though, postponing seems extreme but if they have kids together I can maybe understanding wanting to wait so that your marriage doesn't have that heavy weight of kids losing their mother on it.

I am sorry you're going through this though.

Agreement, a family counselor could help you both work through these feelings. He really might just be trying to spare a person he used to care a lot about the pain of watching him get married. Or it could be something else.

You won't know until you talk about it. I would try and explain that it feels like he is prioritizing their relationship over yours and how that hurts you. If you can't convey that I agree, you need to talk with someone as an intermediary.

Just give him some time to process it all. Thats a lot to deal with if he truly cared about her before. I can totally see why it would bother you though.

Yes, he was married to her. Until she ran off with his friend and became a meth and herion addict. They don't have kids together.

We've been together almost three years, living together for two. We have a great relationship overall.

I know if my ex called me up with similar news, I'd be sympathetic and tell him to keep in touch. Would I postpone marrying my fiancé? Nope. I honestly believe in putting our relationship first. It's possible to care about another person and keep in touch with them but still marry the person you love.

I'm just so confused. I see my therapist in a couple hours. This will definitely be on the table!

If they have kids together and she has 4 months and your wedding is in 4 months then that is kinda understandable but with these things she could go in 2 months or she could stick around 6 months. I would suggest either moving it to August or October, if he won't agree to that I would be concerned.

Without knowing more details about their history, I can sort of understand him feeling "rude" to be happy during what is certainly a difficult time for her and her family, but at the same time, he cannot put his life (and your life!) on hold. There could always be something that gets in the way of you getting married; life happens. That may seem cold, but this is someone he has not spoken to in over two years. I agree that something about this seems a little fishy. What is his reasoning for wanting to postpone the wedding for this?

Two years ago, my dad was diagnosed with cancer. He and my mom had been divorced for twenty years, and she's been re-married for about 18 of those years. The divorce was entirely my mom's decision. Their relationship was not at all friendly, and they hadn't had any real contact with each other since all of us kids had grown up, so probably for ten years or so. My mom took it *very* hard-- not because she still loved my Dad romantically, or because she wanted to use it as an excuse to get away from her husband, but I think because she felt guilty that she had vowed to be there with my Dad "in sickness and in health", and here he was dying and alone (he never remarried). He was admitted to hospice about three months after his diagnosis, and she came the 500 miles to spend his last days by his hospital bed. Her husband could have been very jealous, and told her not to go, but he didn't bat an eye-- he knew it was the right thing to do. And after the funeral, my mom went right back to him.

Obviously you know your fiance best, and you can tell when things don't feel right, but I wanted to share this story because I think it offers a perspective that people don't really think of until they are in that situation. I think it is very likely not that he wants to leave you, but that he doesn't want to try and plan a wedding when he has this other huge thing on his mind. I also don't know how long he was with his ex, but chances are he was married to her when he was younger and feels like no matter what, that is the person he "grew up with". . . it is hard to turn that feeling off. And at the end of that day, she sounds very, very sick-- she is not "competition" in the long run, so letting your jealousy get the best of you is just going to make you look weak and petty. There is a line that always comes up in movies about widowers finding new love "you can't compete with a dead woman". . .yeah, that could be, but a dead woman surely can't compete with one that's living!

This is my take on it without knowing you or your fiance. At some point, he loved his ex, and now she is dying. Even though he no longer feels love for her, he might still care for her as a person, which I would think would be very normal. Dealing with death is difficult. Even though he said goodbye years ago, maybe he still has some residual guilt or etc. I don't think it's necessarily about you at all, however I agree that a therapist would definitely be in order. Depending on what he actually feels he might actually need a little bit of time, and while I don't think you should have to wait forever for him to come around, you may have to be patient. There are too many circumstantial things to really know the truth, however.

The best thing you can do is support him through this, and continue to develop and strengthen your relationship as a couple.

Out of all people why call him? That seems a little strange to me. I would talk to him about it and talk to a therapist. If my fiancé put our relationship on hold because of an ex he hadn't talked to in years, I'd be upset no matter what the situation is. I'd also wonder why she would call him during the planning of one of the most impoetant days if his life. It's one thing to be there for her but to postpone your wedding four months out because of her? Therapist may be much needed. It could be innocent but you never know until you talk about it.