He doesn't feel "ready" anymore

I would put all wedding planning on hold. I would contact the venue and see if you can get your deposit back.

If you are not willing to do the work to make the relations work then you're not ready for marriage anyway. Marriage isn't 50/50. There are days, weeks, months where the relationship is 100/0 or vice versa. If your not willing to support him now, how will you be able to support him 5 years from now when there's a bump in the road and he needs you? A true marriage is 100/100 and sometimes you just have to be the one to fight for the both of you because maybe one of you is sick, broken, battered or bruised. Nothing in life is fair. Better to learn that now than later. At least he is being honest with you.

If you want the counseling to happen, make the counseling happen. It doesn't matter who researches it and sets the appointment, it matters that you two go and get to the root of why your FH feels the way he does. And you need to figure out if you can live with whatever answer he gives. Two years does seem like a short time, are you both fairly young?

You should definitely cancel or at least postpone the wedding until you've gone through counseling. If you can get your deposit, or some of the deposit back, do it. You should not spend another penny until this is resolved one way or the other.

Just remember, worst case scenario - it's much better to be single than be in a bad marriage. Marriage is not about the wedding, it's a legal contract you are signing with someone.

Definitely get counselling, and a lot of it.

Well... do YOU want to marry him?

Would you be okay with taking the ring back, calling off the engagement, and just dating for several more years? 2 years together really isn't a very long time, in the grand scheme of things.

At the same time, you should feel that you are on the same page with how you feel about each other and the pace of your relationship. He may not EVER be ready to get married. Would you be okay with that?

Counseling will not change his mind. It might help you figure out where you want this relationship to go, or why he feels hesitant, but it won't make it him ready to commit... now or ever... if he doesn't want to.

Deep down inside you know what you need to do. do not* DO NOT *marry this man if he's not ready. No one has to know that you're postponing the wedding. Try premarital counseling and if it still doesn't feel right RUN

*also, no HE should be the one to initiate the counseling. You're already ready for forever, he isn't. If he wants the relationship to work he will do it. As far as the down payment, I'd give it a few weeks. *

No, I intentionally wouldn't bring up the topic of marriage because I didn't want him to feel pressured. I saw what had happened with my friend when she put on too much pressure and I didn't want that to happen with us. So I wouldn't bring it up and just waited until he did

I do absolutely want to marry him! Which is why I feel so confused because I don't know how to stand beside him and be supportive in his feelings but also stand up for mine when this isn't the first time he's been up and down.

The real question is, does he want to marry you? He's obviously not ready right now. If he wants to marry you someday, you wait with him until he is. If he doesn't want to marry you, then you move on. It wasn't meant to be.

@Kenna: Why do you want to marry somebody that's dragging his feet? Look out your window. See that big RED flag?

Maya Angelou says "“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."

I'm sorry, Kenna!

I agree with every PP that has mentioned counseling. It seems he needs help sorting out what he really wants or the expectations for your relationship. I'm so sorry. Hearing he isn't ready must be very hard :-(

There is no such thing as "meant to be." We all have free will to make decisions. Everyone thinks their relationship is meant to be until they break up. No one here knows you or him to make a diagnosis of the relationship or lay blame one way or the other.

Find a qualified. experienced couples therapist and make an appointment. Call off the wedding for now as this is no time for that. Understand that therapy is not magic bullet and takes time. Whether you stay together or break up, you will at least have a better understanding of what you want and don't want in life.

The back and forth is NOT healthy for either of you...and most definitely not for your relationship. Going back and forth and playing with your emotions to that degree is wrong. I would suggest talking to your venue and finding out if holding your current date is ok, but having the availability to change it to a date further out of this is what you both want. Counseling will be helpful, but only if it resolves the back and forth issue you seem to be having. You said he has done this before. Was it on big life decisions or on small things? Basically does he do this when deciding about dinner (if so no real big deal...frustrating...but something you can live with). Or does he do this only on anything that will impact his life significantly? Like Move in with me...no don't...no do....no don't? Because that is a way bigger issue and something that should really concern you. I feel like if it's a constant flip flop on things that effect your life and emotions then ypu may want to seek counseling for yourself and move on. I know that's hard to swallow, but it's not fair to you if he constantly changes his mind like that. I agree with PP...what if you had a baby and he was excited, then was like nope not ready...then excited then not ready...then left because he ultimately realized he wasn't ready.

My perspective from this comes from personal experience. 10 years ago (give or take a bit) I was with someone for a years who went back and forth on whether or not he wanted to be in a serious relationship...get engaged and all that for a while. I ended up pregnant. He was excited then would suddenly be like I'm not ready then excited then one day when I was about 7 weeks told me to have an abortion because he wasn't ready. At 8 weeks I lost the baby due to it being an ectopic (and irrationally blamed him). I resented the back and forth and the play he had on my emotions. I ended the relationship and moved on shortly after that. I can't even begin to imagine what it would have been like had everything not happened. I was young (24) and it really messed with my head. The back and forth is painful, confusing and horrible o go through. Don't keep putting yourself through that kind of turmoil. If you find counseling isn't helping or clearing up the issue then be strong for yourself and move on.

I thought back then he was the love of my life...I was wrong. And thankfully now I know what a healthy relationship looks like and is. And that was not it.

I would run away. He has shown you that he not only doesn't know what he wants, he often doesn't know that he doesn't know what he wants.

I agree w PPs that counseling could be helpful, but honestly I would cut my losses and move on if he didn't seem that into it (which is what it sounds like from your description). He is content where he is, you aren't, so you're not really compatible anymore.

Counseling. Don't make any major decisions until he is completely committed. It's easier to just wait

I went through a similar situation. DH and I was together for 8 years before he proposed. Then we got engaged and set a date. The closer we got to the date we both decided to push it back 4 months. 60 days from our wedding date DH said he wasn't ready and wanted to postpone. He said he still wanted to be with me but, he just wasn't ready for marriage. We separated for a couple months, went to counseling then decided okay we're ready. We've been happily married now for just over a year. We're both 45 so it was much harder to commit to marriage for us after being single for so long.

I would suggest counseling and also really think if this person is someone you love and want to be with? If you're both honest and answer the hard questions then you can figure it out. Don't let anyone cloud your judgement. You're the only one that can decide this. I knew DH was the one for me and vice versa.

Good luck!

I also want to know how old you both are. I have been with my fiance for 10 years and while some outsiders would (and frequently did) say that's too long, I know for a fact that my fiance wouldn't have been ready to get married after 2 years. We were young when we started dating and we needed to know that we were growing in the same direction and were in a stable position in our lives before we got married. That said, I have never doubted that he wants to spend his life with me. So you need to determine if he's not ready for marriage or if he's not ready for marriage with you. If he is the type of person who for whatever reason doesn't want to be married, and if that's something that's OK with you. Whatever the answers to these questions are, he definitely shouldn't be jerking you around like that. I think counseling would really help get to the root of this.

I would get your deposit(s) back as soon as possible. You're probably going to be postponing at the least. You can continue to set aside money for yourself but otherwise, you should put all wedding planning on hold.

Next, you need to ask yourself if you want to work at this relationship. It sounds like you do but take a minute to really think on it.

Then, you should look for a counselor to see if you want to try to make it work.

Lastly, be as honest and open as you can be. Be receptive to your fiance's feelings and be forth coming with your own.

I'm hoping you and your SO find clarity soon.