He doesn't feel "ready" anymore

He said he's going to look into that for us so we can get some help and advice but I don't see him rushing to do so and I don't want to be the one to do it. Is that wrong of me?

Sounds like he's very unsure which isn't a good sign. You two need to have a serious heart to heart and maybe even with a professional. You also need to decide if you are okay with this. I couldn't stay with someone that wasn't on the same page as me.

Was getting married right now a deal breaker for you? He sounds ambivalent about marriage right now. I wouldn't push him into something he's not sure about. Have you made deposits for the venue or anything yet?

You guys need to get on the same page or move on. Couples counselling may indeed help you with that.

So my honest recommendation is to go to couples counseling. You are going to get tons of advice here but none of us really know your situation. The only way for you to avoid potentially bad decisions is to go to a third party who has the whole story. Good luck!

You need to hand the ring back and say, "This isn't what I want or deserve." Move on and find somebody else.

Counseling or end it. It doesn't matter who makes the appointment. If you make the appointment and he doesn't go, you have your answer. I hope everything works out for you.

Why don't you want to be the one to do it? If you want it and need it, get it. Waiting for him to do it as a declaration of love is not the answer.

Leave. Find someone worthy of your time and emotions.

I don't want to be the one to find the counselor and do the scheduling because I feel he need to do that. He's the one who has been up and down on his feelings. I feel in order for me to gain some trust this is something he needs to show me he's serious about and if he isn't rushing to find a counselor that's something I should consider.

I agree, couples counselling, stat. And why don't you want to look for a counsellor? (And please don't tell me this is one of those if he's serious about the relationship, he'll do it things! Because tests like this never turn out well!) If you want the relationship to succeed, you need to be willing to look for a counsellor.

If he's very iffy about it, it means he's not ready, and he's only saying he's ready to make you happy.

Wait longer or move on. He's not ready to get married right now. My FH wasn't ready for a long time, but knew he wanted to be with me. I waited 9 years before he decided he was ready & proposed. We are now 29.

I wouldn't be with someone that would play my emotions like that... Excitement let down Excitement and another let down.. What happens if youre pregnant and he said he's not ready and leaves? Because this kind of person will do just that...

@OP, I'm sorry this is happening, but you seem more likely to schedule an appointment with a counselor than he does based on what you have told us so far. I know he is the one with the uneasy feelings, but this is about the BOTH of you as a marriage would be as well. Please consider finding one yourself for you both if he continues to drag his feet. I hope all works out for you both.

If that is something you feel is his responsibility and you aren't willing to do it yourself, I would recommend stepping away from the relationship. He has told you and shown you that he is not ready. If you are not willing to reach out to get professional help to open lines of communication and get to the root of the problem as a couple, then you should walk away.

Marriage is a two way street and he should absolutely show you how much you mean to him but, in situations like this, you either step up or step out. He's showing his cards.

I wouldn't want to be with someone who wasn't 100% sure and 100% excited about marrying me...

Sounds like you deserve more than what he is able to give you.

I agree with the suggestions to try couples counseling, and it does not matter which one of you sets it up. There are obviously things you two need to talk about, and counseling is the thing that's going to help you determine whether or not both of you can ever be on the same page. Starting to dive into this stuff guided by a counselor will be a much better indicator for where you two are at than whether or not he sets up the counseling.

Personally, I would not want to be engaged to a man that cannot make up his mind as to whether or not he is ready to marry me. I would give him back the ring and tell him not to ask again until he's sure he's ready, then start the counseling ASAP to start working this stuff out.

Counselling it is. We have already booked a venue and put a down payment. I don't know if I should go get the money back or just wait to see what happens

Get the money back. You aren't having a wedding if he isn't ready.

Maybe you got engaged a little too soon... maybe he needs more time to just date you, get to know you better.

maybe you can just suggest long engagement, so he gets less freaked out. i am sorry i have no advice, really... I got engaged after 5 years of dating ( now that was a little toooooo long, but i think 3 - 4 years is a good time to get engaged)

If he keeps going back and forth on the subject then he seems like he isn't even mature enough for marriage. You should cut your losses to be honest. What if you did get married and a few months later he decides that he doesn't want to be married anymore? Do you want to live with someone so indecisive.