Having a Cash Bar.......Simply must say this!!!

Well me and fh decide to have a cash bar because first of all, we really don't drink. And it also depends on the location where your having your reception. In my case it cost more for me to have a open bar then Im paying to rent the hall... I thought that was just crazy!!! so are cash bar will have to do. But I do agree with the ppl who said we should let ppl know its a cash bar. My question is should I put something in the invitation??? And another good thing about my cash bar is that nothing over five dollar a drink and I thought that was a good thing. mixs drink are 3$ and the hard stuff like 4$ and 5$

I'm surprised at all of the responses of people having or have been to a cash bar. I live in NJ and have never been to a wedding with a cash bar. I've actually never even heard of a cash bar until recently reading posts about it. I just feel that people spend so much money just coming to your wedding to begin with that they should be taken care of (From taking off of work, buying a new dress or suit, haircuts, etc along with the $200 they stick in a card) I've been to weddings that served a light fare instead of full meals, and we ate plenty while the couple saved a good amount of $. I am doing a lot myself to save money (invitations, and all other stationary, some decor, favors, BP gifts,my veil) We are having a big wedding since our families are huge. To me, a wedding isnt a wedding with out friends & family surrounding us so we def couldnt cut the guest list down. We also are having our wedding on a friday evening which saves a lot. I just think there are other options to cut costs

I'm surprised at all of the responses of people having or have been to a cash bar. I live in NJ and have never been to a wedding with a cash bar. I've actually never even heard of a cash bar until recently reading posts about it. I just feel that people spend so much money just coming to your wedding to begin with that they should be taken care of (From taking off of work, buying a new dress or suit, haircuts, etc along with the $200 they stick in a card) I've been to weddings that served a light fare instead of full meals, and we ate plenty while the couple saved a good amount of $. I am doing a lot myself to save money (invitations, and all other stationary, some decor, favors, BP gifts,my veil) We are having a big wedding since our families are huge. To me, a wedding isnt a wedding with out friends & family surrounding us so we def couldnt cut the guest list down. We also are having our wedding on a friday evening which saves a lot. I just think there are other options to cut costs

Jennifer P- well that is another regional thing. Where I live you don't get $200 in a gift unless it's a wealthy, childless aunt. Generally you get $25-50.

I feel like guests would rather have a cash bar than no alcohol at all like some people are doing... I mean.... at least they have the option of getting a drink if they want one where at a dry wedding they don't... that's just how I see it...and as a guest.... I would rather there be that option

@pumpkin sunshine and Jennifer- my thoughts exactly- "who gets $200 in a card except maybe from wealthy seconds aunt bertha?"

also where i live people mostly don't buy a new dress/suit, or get their hair cut especially for a wedding. And seeing as most weddings are either friday evenings or the weekend a good chunk of people don't have to take tine of, only OOT guests. and then most of them probably have vacation time so they aren't actually loosing money, just loosing a vacation day.

I think Jennifer and I come from 2 different sides of the track so to speak.

I think different regions definitely have different expectations on weddings... from the dress code to the gifts to the bar. What's perfectly normal in some places might come across as tactless in others. I've never been to a wedding with a cash bar, either there is an open bar or there's just beer and wine or there's no alcohol at all...

We personally are doing an open bar but are saving $$$ because we get to bring the alcohol ourselves instead of purchasing from the venue.

Agreed, Katie. A cash bar is MUCH better than no bar.

Jenninfer and I are from NJ and personally it is a regional thing... my family is hugemongous ( i know i know not a word ... I am using it figuratively... not grammatically) and we go to plenty of weddings where we give 150 to 200 per person /card. Meaning if it is a card from a family or h and w they give 200 ish give or take. When you go to the wedding do you not expect to pay for what you are geting??? If it is a formal event ettiquette does state you must pay for at least your place setting at the wedding. At 100 per person round up or down just figure out your person price and that is how much to pay so at 100 pp the card should be reflective of that and how many people came to the wedding.

Ettiquette, not myself, states that.

Well if that is the case, my guests would be giving me a gift of $15.

Jennifer P...We live in Philly. Until I started posting here, I never heard of a cash bar either. I attended a BYOB outdoor vegetarian wedding in Indiana, but that's as different as I have ever encountered. Also, like you said, attending a wedding is a minimum cash gift of $200. When I married in the early 80's, it was $50 - $100. As Melissa just posted, we give to cover the cost of our dinner and can be more generous if it is a family member or someone you are very close to.

I have actually learned so much about weddings in different regions/cultures from being on WW.

Quite frankly, if given the choice of a dry wedding or a cash bar, I would like the option of paying for it. HOwever, I totally understand a dry wedding if someone is doing it for religious/family reasons.

There is NO etiquette rule stating that you need to "pay for your plate."

That's one of those things greedy couples come up with when they want their nearest and dearest to finance their extravagant wedding, and then society adopts it as a "rule." It's not. Etiquette and greed have nothing in common.

I've been to dry wedding before but never to a cash bar.

Personally I would not have a cash bar. You are inviting them to your patty--- they shouldn't have to worry about food or drink. If you can't do an open bar due to budget then do a scale down version... Limit the bar tab, cut off after x hour, limit the drink selection etc. In our case , we couldn't afford a full open bar so we negotiated with the venue-- we provided wines n beers (2 selection of each) for the bar. The total cost was under $300 to stock the bar. We also ask the venue to close down their bar so the only options for our guests was limited to what we provided and we avoided the whole guests paying for drinks situation.

But what if they want a different drink that's not there and don't mind paying for it... but can't lol... I would be irritated... it's fine to have a limited bar... but if i want a captain and coke and the bar only offers beer and wine... I am not gonna get pissed off that i have to pay for it... i think i would be more annoyed if I didn't have that option

Wow... We do exactly what Melissa F said. We try to reflect what we are getting. We get 25-50 dollars in birthday cards! And we almost ALWAYS get a dress (and he gets a tie and dress shirt) for a wedding. To us, it is a formal event. We look at it as a night out at a very formal event. We look forward to them because how often do you get to wear your best dress and your man in a suit, have an awesome dinner and dance the night away. Melissa is right. The cheapest venue I found in our area was $80/person and the average was over $100/person. If you're out towards philadelphia or NYC, expect to pay double that!

Shannon: Exactly. My dad was saying I should pick a cheaper venue (but everything here equaled out to be the same or more) because I will "lose money" since I'll be paying for more than I'll be receiving in gifts... I was baffled by this. Who the hell cares if I lose money?!? I'm not having a wedding to PROFIT from it!! I don't give a crap if I don't get ANY money or gifts, I just want to have a nice wedding and celebrate with my guests.

To me, the "pay for your plate" custom strikes me as a glorified cover charge. Also, I was taught that speculating about the financial means and budgets of others was poor manners. I mean, do you really sit there and say, "Well, it was an open bar, so I'd estimate $28/head for that, but the buffet was pasta, which is less expensive..."

The idea just gives me a terrible headache. Friendships aren't commerce. Then again, I only knew of one person who bought a new dress for my wedding, and it was from Forever 21. And we didn't expect gifts, and trust me when I say we came nowhere near turning a profit on the happiest day of our lives.

Shannon, greedy couples? Thanks a lot. Its what I've always known to do and what we do at every wedding we go to. Obviously we just stated that it is a regional thing. Unless you're captain of the etiquette team, you may not know about what other areas feel is right. You don't need to insult anyone because you feel differently. You have a right to your opinion but have a little respect towards others when you choose your words on your posts.

Yup, definitely a regional thing (and maybe even a upper middle class vs lower middle class?)

I'm from Washington and we normally just wear a nice dress we already have (unless you want an excuse to go shopping-which i did for my cousins wedding) Most meals cost between $25-75 per person (mind will be closer to $15) and they generally aren't formal affairs, more like hmmm, Christmas dinner type things? I'm not sure how to explain. it's something you don't just wear jeans to, but it's more about socializing with family/friends then a formal affair. a formal affair is going to the theater to see a musical or a concert.

I've only been to a couple weddings that had an open bar, it's pretty common here to have a cash bar but offer beer and soda for free. This is our plan for our wedding.