Guests you don't know at your wedding?!?

We knew everyone on our list. The only family friends that were invited were people H or I had known most of our lives. H had two college friends and an aunt and uncle that I had never met because they live 3,000 miles away, but that was it. There was no one on my side that he had not met at least once.

Unless the parents are paying for the wedding, they don't need to have a say in the guest list.

We knew everyone at our wedding. Our parents didn't dictate our guest list.

Maybe I should add, my future in-laws are paying for a third but we didn't ask them to. They insisted.

Unfortunately I did not grow my bridal balls early enough, and allowed my FILs to push me around bit and send STDs to a bunch of people that I do not know. My FFIL sees our wedding as a "family reunion" so he insisted that his cousins, whom my FH doesn't even remember, get an invite. I really wish I had put my foot down because we invited WAY more people than I wanted but I can't take it back now.

It's too late for me but I would say you should set clear boundaries. It may be a little unfair to invite aunt Sue, whom you've never met, but not uncle Billy, also whom you've never met.

Nope, just kinda invited them! Lol.

My FMIL wants to invite literally everyone she knows. I haven't exactly told her that we're not inviting them and I don't really plan on it lol. However, FH has plenty people he wants to invite that I've never met but it's because we're from 2 different states and now live in a different place than our parents and don't get to go home often.

I think if they pay, they get a say, but within reason of the number of people you want to cap the wedding at (and venue max's!). So if they pay for 1/3, then they get to invite about the 1/3 of the guest list to be from "their side of the family" but I think it's fair to include the people on that side that your FS/yourself already wanted to invite in that 1/3 of guest count. If you want to fill it up with just people you know, then you have to be willing to not accept their money. For me, it was worth it to make my mom happy and let her invite a few of her friends since she paid for a good part of the wedding. But not outside the max number we wanted for the wedding (although it did grow more than I originally wanted). But then to be fair since she got friends, FMIL and FFIL got friends too (they paid for RD but not wedding itself) so it does grow quickly.

On my mom's side that will end up about 6-10 guests I've never met/don't know well. Same on in laws side.

How did they get access to your stationery?

If they don't have an actual invitation, they aren't invited.

I assume OP hasn't sent invitations yet, her wedding is next year.... but they may have been put on the "plan to invite list"

Unfortunately, guests were called without my knowledge and informally invited. No Save the Dates have been sent yet.

My parents had 20 guests out of a total of 115. Although I paid for the whole wedding, it meant a lot for them to be surrounded by their close friends on a very happy day for them. For them, it's the first of their children to be married and they've been waiting for a LONG TIME. It was one way for me to show my appreciation for my parents who have done so much for me in my life.

We didn't set our parents a limit hoping they wouldn't go crazy anyway. I think there's about 10 out of 120 from my side that I haven't met and I believe FH has met everyone on his side. Lots of their family coming that I'm not close to though but I would except no less lol

H and I both reached out to our parents to ask which family members they would like to see at the wedding. It was mostly common sense but we wanted to be sure we didn’t invite someone there was bad blood with or leave someone out who should be there. My parents gave me a list of who to invite from our side and it was everyone I’ve at least socialized with at our family events, although three of them I didn’t know too well. My parents contributed 1/3 of our total cost so obviously it was fine. H’s mom gave us a list of people and it was all relatives he knew very well. H made a list for his dads side himself. His dad tried to invite a very large group of people H had either never met before in his life or people he had met once as a child. He let his dad add four people to the list but we shut down his next request because he wasn’t contributing towards the wedding financially and we didn’t want to raise the cost for people H didn’t even know.

To me it depends on who is hosting (aka paying). I think it is a bit rude to tell parents no to their friends if they are paying for everything.

However, if you are hosting or at least paying for half, I think it would be fair to go through the list and show them which people you are comfortable with based on your own relationship with them. Sometimes you can offset the blow of "no" by providing your list of "yes" and clear reasons why someone is on either list.

Personally, it is important to me to have a more intimate wedding so the number of people there really matters to me. I think this can be expressed as well if you can show it's a expectation you have for the wedding.

A friend of mine did that, as in they gave each set of parents a figure for the amount of friends that they could invite and left it up to thier parents who they chose. It worked well for them. From what I understand when the brides brother got married a few years previous there was awful trouble with the guest list and her parents wanting to invite all the neighbours. So when it was my friends turn she nipped it before it got out of hand again by giving them a limit. She said it worked well, I seam to remember she said they gave them ten each, I'm not sure if it was 10 couples or people. It could have been either as they had 230 at the wedding.

There's a few friends of both our parents invited that we don't know or don't know very well (like less than 10). My mom also invited several friends who have all known me for at least 20 years. On his side, there's a few distant relatives he doesn't know well. However, both sets of parents are contributing to the wedding.

I would put my foot down. Do you really want people you don't know in your pictures? At the very least, if they want to invite them, then they should have to pay for them.

My mom has about 12 couples she is inviting. I know them all from growing up with their kids and we were a close neighborhood so I'm cool with it. She has asked to invite new people that I don't know and I keep telling her I don't want to introduce myself to people at my own wedding. She seems to understand that. My FILs said there were 3 or 4 couples they wanted to invite who I've never met, but I feel like that's reasonable so I don't mind if they are invited.