Guests not bringing cards...and slight vent?

We also had about 80 guest attend and I think we didn't receive cards or gifts from more than half of them. I didn't really care because its not about the gifts and even though its not necessary we sent thank you cards to everyone. For the ones that we didn't get gifts from it was along the lines of "Thank you for sharing our special day with us it meant so much to have you a part of it." I later found out the reason you shouldn't do that is because it might make that guest feel pressured to send you a gift later. Oops. Not our intentions at all. Nobody sent us a gift afterwards but I also hope nobody felt like that's what we were trying to do!

I think we only didn't get gifts or cards from maybe 2 or 3 - and it didn't matter to us. We know not everyone has money to spend on extras. They were there, they danced, they're still good friends of ours.

I'm not a card person, so if I sent a gift before or after, I'm not leaving a card at the wedding. And if I bought a large present for the shower, I might not leave a gift and card at the wedding if I've already spent quite a bit. I find cards silly if the person is there to congratulate in person.

I understand what you are saying but I think your best bet is to not expect anything and you won't be disappointed . We received several cards and gifts and only one card didn't contain cash. We were grateful for those who gave, and those who didn't I'm sure had valid reason.

Hah, I definitely noticed who didn't give a card because I had a spreadsheet. I actually spent most of my time worried that we lost those cards. D: I wouldn't have minded with no gift, but the lack of card screwed with my head for a couple of weeks.

That being said, we didn't care who got us gifts and people knew it. So it wasn't surprising.

We told anyone who asked that we were not expecting gifts - and we honestly weren't. We viewed the gifts we received as an awesome bonus to the guest attending our reception.

That being said - there more more than a few people who attended who didn't leave us a card. One of them, no big deal - he's my friend, came without his wife, I'm sure he didn't even think about it. Some others - they aren't the most socially graceful, so I'm not surprised. The ones that really bothered me were DH's kids. No card, didn't talk to me at the reception, nothing. That is frustrating.

I had a few people who didn't bring cards and/or gifts. I think it's rude but the people who did it I'm not even surprised by. I don't think it's greedy to think it's rude or be offended at all. They could at least sign their name on a card...

A few of my close family members didn't give us anything. I wasn't surprised that they weren't able to give a gift, they had traveled far and don't have a lot of extra money. I was surprised that they hadn't at least given a card. Especially because they are people who like sentimental cards and will save every card they ever get. But maybe Centerpiece is right, they didn't want to bring attention to their lack of gift. I still wrote thank you cards and thanked them for traveling and joining us at the wedding.

Same with @Janeen - I kept track of everyone who came to the wedding and what they gave us (if they gave us a gift), so that I could make sure not to forget to send someone a thank you card. And since everyone who comes to the wedding gets a thank you card (I believe in doing this, not just for those who gave a gift) I want to be able to personalize the card with "thank you for the toaster" or whatever. If I write "thank you for the gift" to someone who didn't send a gift, that would just make us both feel awkward.

And yes, while I wasn't expecting gifts/checks from everyone, I do think that it is at least customary to leave a card. I'd rather receive a card with nothing in it than no card at all. And as for people sending gifts later - I had a few people who mailed gifts to the house and they still gave us a card at the wedding - inside it just said something along the lines of "your gift is on its way".

My wedding is in a hotel where anyone could come and snag a few cards if I'm not careful, so I would be worried that they were stolen too!

But I don't care if I don't get a dime from people because that's not why they invited them. I guess I'm a dick for wanting at least a congratulations card? But Centerpiece made a good point, too.

But your bridesmaids are dicks if they took armfuls of wine and have no shame displaying their theft on Facebook...I'd be calling them out without hesitation.

I didn't read all the comments, but yes I thought this was crazy. I know I know weddings aren't about gifts, yata yata, but come on, who goes to a wedding with nothing?! A friend, 'friend a' of mine and her girlfriend came to the wedding empty handed. Apparently they invited themselves to my other friends 'friend b' hotel room to pregame. Then complained about the little bottle of vodka they had, which was supposed to just be for the two of them. When friend b got their card out to sign it, friend a said, "oh can we throw our names on that". They absolutely didn't let them and were so embarrassed by/for them the rest of the night. Of course I was filled in on all of this later on. I kept a spreadsheet of everything, so when I saw I didn't fill anything next to their name I looked through all the cards again thinking I must've missed it.

Another friend of mine said she forgot the card and that she would mail it. Went as far to text me at one point asking for the address, but still haven't received anything. Also, there were people that couldn't make it I was utterly surprised by the lack of cards most of them sent. I know there is no obligation, but if we were sent an invite and we couldn't go we would at least still send something. In fact if might even be more than if we attended the wedding since we wouldn't have the travel expenses. It's been a month since our wedding, I'm pretty sure any cards/gift that were coming to the house would've already been here.

Also I did see others mention that if I was sending a gift I wouldn't leave the card empty. I would still take a card (I love cards) and at least mention that the gift is coming to the house. But, I did get a couple of those in our cards, but nothing has come to the house. I believe people probably get busy and generally forget to send it after, especially if they are traveling, because why write it and then intentionally not send anything? It's not like the people at your wedding are people you would never see again and just blow off.

I have no problem with your guests but your BM's sound like assholes.

This post does come off pretty entitled, but I'll play.

Yes, most of our friends who came didn't bring a card or gift. I don't know if it was for lack of caring (we really don't spend as much time with them as we use to) or because they didn't think to. Probably only half of our friends brought cards. I believe 90% if not all of the older guests gave cards/gifts.

I'm having a destination wedding, so I'm expecting no gifts, but still hoping for cards wishing us well. What can I say, I'm sentimental that way!

How did your bridesmaids get the wine?!

I had a few people that didn't give us a card. I think for the most part guys don't think about giving cards if they don't get a gift to go with it.

I sort of agree with, while we didn't expect gifts and we told people we didn't gifts so we got alot of cards, although alot of thos cards had money, the one that still drives me crazy to this day was we never even got a card from H Grandmother, and it wasn't until last week that I found out why she didn't even come to the wedding. But that's a whole different story!

Not directly related to the topic but it makes me think about a wedding that i attended last June, i had forgotten the card we got but i went, and dropped it off at the Brides Parents house (in the mail box) where the Bride and Groom were staying the next morning. It had $100 in it and we have never gotten a thank you or any acknowledgment of receiving it, even though the bride was on top of the shower thank yous.

So when people say that they don't send thank yous to people that attended and did not leave cards it kind of confuses me. I would have liked a "thank you for coming to the wedding" even if she hadn't gotten the card with the money. It would have at least made me feel like she had gotten it.

I would never have thought that a thank you for celebrating with us would have made someone feel guilty for not leaving a gift. I am going to do it anyway.

Yep, didn't get even so much as a card, from about 15 of our 95 guests. Mostly all were his side. This included bridal party members that my husband paid 2 nights each for a hotel room for them and paid for their tux rentals. I don't care about gifts, but a nice greeting card, with a heartfelt message, would be nice. Still waiting for 2 of his uncles and 2 of his first cousins to acknowledge our wedding even happened. Again, not looking for gifts, but a congratulatory e-mail doesn't take much time, and costs nothing. Have been married almost a year now ....

Where I'm from, you generally get one gift. If someone attends a shower or sends a gift ahead of time, I expect nothing from them at the wedding (no card or gift). I only anticipate getting cards and/or gifts from those who didn't send one ahead of time or didn't attend a shower. I didn't know giving a card at the wedding was a thing if you already did a gift. I've never brought a card to a wedding unless I hadn't give a gift yet. I could see a few random people leave cards (no money) that already gave a gift, but not the majority.

Oh and the wine thing would have pissed me off, but that's just me.

I can understand your disappointment. I am looking forward to people writing us nice messages in the cards more than the gifts. I think a card congratulating the newlyweds is more than appropriate.

Oh yeah, we got nothing from the best man and a couple bridesmaids