Guests not bringing cards...and slight vent?

Keep in mind a lot of guests like to send gifts in the mail instead and technically they have a year to send you a gift. I've sold LOTS of wedding gifts to people being like oops I'm almost at the year I need to send this now before I run out of

Time. However, I do believe etiquette says only send thank yous to people who gave you a gift so you don't have to send an awkward card after being like well thanks again.

That is so crappy that your BM (of all people) did that! Hopefully you will be seeing some gifts in the mail. I know a few friends who received quite a bit after the wedding.

Gifts are not mandatory. They're a courtesy. Personally, I wouldn't care if they took the wine.

Edited to correct grammar

ETA: This may not go well. You may want to hide this thread.

You sound incredibly entitled. No one has to give you a gift.

As for your BM and the wine. Maybe they thought it would go to waste otherwise.

Remember the most important thing about getting married is the celebration of your commitment to your beloved.

It sort of sounds as though you got married to get gifts; which I'm sure isn't the case but you're coming across as such.

I've always had a suspicion that guests who don't leave at least a card do so in the hopes that they will get lost in the sauce. They can hope they were forgotten among the stack of 60 cards with checks or cash, or if discovered, they can always say, "What? We left a card with money! It was obviously stolen".

Best advice? Don't plan on a return on your investment. Don't plan on receiving a gift. Yes, guests should DEFINITELY bring a gift, but they don't always do that. A wedding is not free food and booze. A wedding costs your guests money, even if they don't leave a gift. So, invite them because you want them to attend, and accept the fact that some of them believe they already sacrificed enough cash to be there. Do I agree with them? No, not necessarily. If you can't afford to travel to a wedding and bring even a modest gift, I think you should decline. Seriously, it costs no more than $30 to find something in TJ Maxx or Home Goods that you can wrap up and leave as a wedding gift (a $30 pair of candlesticks and a card? Yeah, you should be able to do that -- even if it cost you a few hundred to get to the wedding).

I get it. I mean, you know you're not supposed to expect gifts, but you do. We all do. It's a social norm. We all know it's a thing you're supposed to do. If a few guests don't bring gifts, it wouldn't bother me. But if a large portion of guests don't even leave a card (i'm not talking card with cash, i mean literally just a card) of course I would be a little hurt.

Same for the wine. Did they ask if they could take home extra bottles? Or did you offer them? If they just swiped as many as they could carry without asking, that is rude and you're right to be upset. They should not have assumed they were for the taking. Just remember to focus on the positive- you got married, and had a great celebration with those you love. Don't let a few tactless people spoil it.

I don't think she is saying they should have given her money or a physical gift. She is saying is a card to much to ask for?

I'm pretty sure at least 10 people from my family will come without a gift and it'll cost them nothing to attend. WTBS I understand where you're coming from, I wouldn't go to a birthday party without gift/card, just remember everyone wasn't raised the same.

I understand, I had a couple people that didn't leave cards. I'm guessing maybe they couldn't afford gifts and didn't want to draw attention to that, but I was surprised they didn't just leave at least a card. I really don't care about the gifts, I was just a little hurt. Actually, my own brothers who were groomsmen were on that list. They are in their early 20s but think like kids still.

I know, she's asking about the card, but think about it practically. Everyone knows they should bring a gift to a wedding, and they know that the card is something attached to the gift. If a bride opens a card and finds nothing, zero, zilch, nada...the names of the giftless guests will stick in her mind forever (right or wrong, that's what's going to happen). Like I said, I really believe people without gifts don't leave cards because they're hoping they won't be noticed in a sea of cards, or they're hoping they can claim their envelope was stolen. I could be wrong, but I could be right....

Triple posts? That's a first.

I'm just curious if any other brides experienced the same thing. We had 80 guests and I knew every one very well. And I'm certainly not an "entitled" bride, even though i expected some people to see it that way. That doesnt bother me. Our wedding was the absolute best day of my life. Even just having a card with someone's name on it would have been nice.

My post still stands. If I was planning on sending you a gift in the mail I wouldn't leave you an empty card at the wedding. That seems to dumb to me. Like oh yes, let me look like an idiot/cheapskate giving you an empty card and then sending you a real gift further down the line.

@Nicola... That's an awesome comment. They saved the wine because they thought it might go to waste. I cant stop laughing.

You only send thank you notes to those who were thoughtful enough to give you a gift. The rest of the people got a free party--and you don't owe them a thank you!

And for the ones who stole your wine without even asking whether you had plans for it? Well, you need new friends.

@centerpiece I agree.

@centerpiece I agree.

I'm sorry that you were disappointed by your guests' lack of gifts and your friends' wine antics. Maybe your guests are younger and just don't know that it's customary to bring a gift to a wedding?? We had about 400 guests, and maybe 12 couples/families gave us gifts after the wedding. Just got one in the mail today.

ETA: Since posting this yesterday, I have received two more gifts... and imagine we'll get some more.

I totally get you. We had A LOT of cards and money gifts in the cards on the day. however, prior to our wedding, we were expecting cash gifts from some of our close friends most of whom we've given cash gifts to support their event which were done miles away from us knowing we won't be attending.... But you know, i guess it was the stress of planning getting the best of me at the time. Having being back, some of our friends have called and said they're coming to visit and catch up on all that happened. At this point, we're not expecting anything just cos its done; but some of them will come with a gift for us. Sometimes, ppl don't think and that sucks!