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Mrsbdg
Champion August 2017

Guest attire: How much say does the couple get?

Mrsbdg, on September 6, 2019 at 3:37 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 204

Hey y’all! Well. My dad is getting married in December 🙄 As planning has gone on his FW has really pushed my sister and I around and I’m curious if my hatred towards her is tainting my judgement (okay, I’m bored at work too and her most recent text came through this morning and I’m still processing)...
Hey y’all!
Well. My dad is getting married in December 🙄 As planning has gone on his FW has really pushed my sister and I around and I’m curious if my hatred towards her is tainting my judgement (okay, I’m bored at work too and her most recent text came through this morning and I’m still processing)

The wedding doesn’t have a listed dress code but she’s been texting us lists of rules even though we haven’t asked her input at all.

Also we are not in the wedding party or in any way a part of the ceremony.

Her rules thus far:
Wear clothing that covers all tattoos (for me that’s : forearm, wrist, behind my ear, and upper shoulder) (for my sister that’s :upper back, ribs and wrist)
Shoulder, chest, back and stomach covered (no mesh)
No suits, pants or jumpsuits
I remove all piercing (nose, septum, rook, and tragus)
No black, grey, red, yellow, or green
No books or sneakers under my dress (and no stilettos for my sister)
Floor length or knee length dresses
Nothing tight or fitted
No natural curls, no heavy makeup, no red or dark lipstick, and no dark nail polish

Other rules are:

We aren’t to talk to her family without her or my father around.

We aren’t allowed to drink.

My sister, husband, and I aren’t to speak Spanish to one another around her family.

A few of these rules I already plan to break: I’m drinking and speaking to my husband any way I wish. I’m tempted to just buy whatever dress I want.

Also, yes, we’ve talked to Dad and sent him screenshots and he’s basically said she’s a picky bride and that we need to respect our FMIL.

204 Comments

  • Tiffany
    Dedicated August 2021
    Tiffany ·
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    You should totally go with a T-Rex costume! I mean it technically covers everything, and then just stick a maxi skirt over the top so you get the floor length in.

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  • Allyson
    Devoted February 2020
    Allyson ·
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    This is absolutely ridiculous and I am so sorry you have to deal with her!!!! It's incredibly prejudice to not "allow" you to speak Spanish around her family and I'm absolutely shocked. She sounds like a hateful person and it seems like she's trying to hide you guys (you can't talk to her family??) and also make you uncomfortable on purpose. Every single rule about how you should dress is stupid (no natural curls is the worst one, who does she think she is?!) and like others said, I'd break them and wear whatever makes you feel comfortable.

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  • Madeline
    Dedicated October 2019
    Madeline ·
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    Whaaaat? Do and say whatever your heart desires...the rules are just ridiculous...🤷🏻‍♀️
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  • L. Thomson
    Expert October 2020
    L. Thomson ·
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    As someone of the tattoo and piercing community who really doesn't like being told what to do, I'd be tempted to break every rule. But you also have to keep your father happy. So this is what I would PERSONALLY do:

    Wear a dress in a color not banned that might cover some tattoos, for the ceremony. Nothing saying you have to wear it all day. Dress style is your choice. She should be happy you are wearing one, but maybe keep it respectable for the occasion If in a church or something.

    If she objects to all tattoos for photos, she can pay to have them airbrushed. For piercings (again for at least ceremony, wear concealing jewelry (a septum that can be flipped, flesh colored tragus and rook, etc.).

    Hair or makeup - your choice unless she's paying for it. Nail polish, maybe not black.

    "We aren’t to talk to her family without her or my father around." That is utterly ridiculous! That puts a wedge between the families. She's marrying your dad, you are now one family whether ahe likes it or not.

    Drinking - If you are an adult, it's your choice but maybe not too much.

    Speaking Spanish - your language, your choice. If she's marrying into the family, maybe she should learn it.

    Anyways, just my 2 cents of what I would do. She sounds like a piece of work. I wish you luck!
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  • Yam
    VIP September 2019
    Yam ·
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    I was ok with it and then the list got worse and worse. Does she realize how completely awful “no natural curls” sounds?
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  • Yam
    VIP September 2019
    Yam ·
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    I would pay money to be a part of that beautiful trainwreck, we would witness the newest episode of Bridezillas. It sounds glorious.
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  • Emily
    Devoted October 2020
    Emily ·
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    Yeah she sounds like a nightmare! OMG- someone actually wore their wedding dress to your wedding!? I can’t handle that😂😂😂 that is next level. You’re a good sport!
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  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
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    So no natural curls, no speaking Spanish, and no speaking to her family without chaperone??? That seems like she is trying to hide you and who you are? No PANTS??? Is this the 1700's? That is unbelievably over the top and I wouldn't stand for it in my family. My step-mom is not a fan of tattoos or piercings at all but would never ask us to cover ourselves from neck to toes AND dictate our natural appearance or what shoes I can and can't wear. I would go, be me, and if new step-mom doesn't like it, I'm an adult!!!!

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  • Arianna
    Dedicated November 2020
    Arianna ·
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    I can relate to this since I have a step mom I can’t stand (refuses to come to my wedding and is trying to force my dad to not attend as well). As bad as it sounds, I would personally just not attend the wedding. But hey, that’s just me and my pettiness🤷🏻‍♀️
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  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
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    THIS!!! I would be tempted to be so extra!

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  • Jodie
    Expert August 2020
    Jodie ·
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    I know right! 😂😂😂 Let's be wedding crashers! Lol
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  • Mrsbdg
    Champion August 2017
    Mrsbdg ·
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    I love all of my work and hate being told to hide it too. Thank you for your advice!

    I’m thinking of just adding sleeves to a ball gown 🤣
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  • Mrsbdg
    Champion August 2017
    Mrsbdg ·
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    I feel like the community is invested in this so I def will! Btw my sister wants to order this 🤣

    Guest attire: How much say does the couple get? 1
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  • Keri
    Expert November 2019
    Keri ·
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    This is some extreme conservattive BS. No natural curls? You have to do your hair a certain way? No pants? No red lipstick?

    What a lunatic. Be yourself if you choose to go.
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  • Jennifer
    Super September 2020
    Jennifer ·
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    Lol this is insane. Next level, genuinely insane.
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  • Annie
    Dedicated October 2020
    Annie ·
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    Wear one of those inflatable dinosaur costumes
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  • Annie
    Dedicated October 2020
    Annie ·
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    Jesus jumping on a pogo stick 😂😂😂😂 best thing I’ve ever heard
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  • Futuremrsm
    Expert October 2020
    Futuremrsm ·
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    What a psycho! I would tell your dad he needs to tell her that she cant just control you like that, and if she has an issue you can just not attend the wedding. If he wont stick up for you that's just not right.
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  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    Reading this, I would want to wear a tube top, short shorts, some converse, and maybe dye my hair turquoise or something. That is just insane.
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  • Jess
    Expert October 2019
    Jess ·
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    She sounds crazy as f honestly. i’d wear what you want. like your tattoos are a permanent part of you so show them. now that being said i wouldn’t go out of my way to make a scene or dress too revealing. But i’d say show up in what you feel comfortable in
    you shouldn’t have to compromise yourself to fit into something that was your family first.
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