Groomsmen and bridesmaid issue.

I have three brothers and FH has two brothers. Since FH also has a few very close friends, it made no sense to make all of them groomsmen (we do not want a super large bridal party).

So I made my brother I am closest to (we used to live together and got along fabulously) my Man of Honor and my other two brothers will be ushers. FH's two brothers and his three best friends are his groomsmen. I love having my brother on my side!

@Megan is your sister in law your only photographer?

@Alaina -- I do not think you should stand up to your dad and say no... yet. Pay = Say. And that's what he wants. I think it's BAD advice to ruin a lifelong relationship with your father over a small thing. I do think you should sit down with your FH and ask him to explain why he doesn't want them as groomsmen and you explain why. He may not be close to them, but explain they are your brothers, you grew up with them, and it would mean a lot to you to have them in the wedding. Hopefully you can come to a common understanding.

We had all our siblings and in law siblings in the wedding and I wouldn't do it any other way now. I became closer to both my SILs through it because we had more time together at things like showers/bach parties and I cherished that time. Your FH may not know your brothers well now, but this gives him a chance to. Unless he has a very good reason not to include them (they were really mean to him, they aren't good people) I don't see why you shouldn't try to include them.

ETA: clarity

Thanks everyone for the advice!!! I will definitely have them be apart of the wedding if my FH still isn't keen on it ill make them my men of honor.

My brothers are not mean to him they live away so they really couldn't get close. My FH just didn't grow up that way. His sister got married and her husband didn't have him as groomsmen. So he doesn't understand why my brothers would be his.

Well, FH is an only child, so I didn't have anyone to ask. My only sister has chosen not to attend my wedding, but she definitely wouldn't have been in the BP. (I was in her first when she was 19, not in her second, & her third was at the courthouse.). I do not have a relationship with my brother & he isn't invited/wouldn't attend even if he were. I agree with your FH. The people who stand with you are the ones you are closet to. I don't like the "we're going to be family so I need to include them" idea. That's just my personal opinion.

I don't agree with you. Just because they are your brothers, it doesn't mean they should automatically be GMs. It should be up to your FH who he chooses to stand by his side. If he is not all that close with them then why should they stand up there with him? If it's that big a deal to you, why not go the less than traditional route and have them stand on your side and bridesmen (if that would be the right term).

@Norcal I totally disagree- a bride can absolutely have a 'bridesman.' If my best friend is a guy I want him standing next to me, not my FH. That's a ridiculously outdated perspective.

OP, I think your FH should choose his own groomsmen. It's a little odd to me that he's so opposed to it, but if that's what he wants, I'd go with it.

@Alaina, it sounds like you have a plan in place, but I just wanted to throw my 2 cents in. My FH has 4 of his 6 groomsmen as siblings (we each have 2 brothers and no sisters). I told him it was important to me that they be acknowledged, and he didn't disagree. That being said, I would have involved them as ushers or in some other way had he said no. I also think it depends on your brothers. My decision to have them involved was mostly me as neither one of them would have cared much if they hadn't been asked.

Sounds like you have a good plan. Talk to your FH, tell him it is important to you and why. But if he doesn't want to include them then I think it's perfectly fine for you to have them as bridesmen on your side.

I always thought, like you, siblings should be included. I don't have a lot of close girlfriends so I was happy to include my FH's two sisters as bridesmaids. We got along before but we do seem to be getting closer with all the pre-wedding events. My one sister is my MOH. My brother is a GM. My sister has been with her boyfriend longer than I've been dating FH (many years), so we are all close. He is a Groomsman too. It meant a lot to him to be asked.

I was raised this way as well... I'm having my sister as MOH and 2 FSIL as bridesmaids along with some friends... My FH is also having my brother as GM. Luckily we all get a long and he agreed and was raised the same way. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer i think this is something you and FH need to agree on. You could always give your brothers other roles in the wedding such as readers or escort.

I think that's a great decision. There is so much varying opinion on this topic. If the girls and guys are uneven I would either have 2 guys walk 1 girl down or have the extra guys walk by themselves. They would stand on your side. Hopefully your FH comes around, but your brothers may like this way better anyway since it will take the pressure off from having to get ready with your FH's friends and doing the whole bachelor party deal.

Also, it's a good idea to wait until less than a year from your wedding to actually ask your BP. Relationships change and I think the vast majority here who asked more than a year out will tell you they wish they'd waited.

@alaina - they would stand on your side.

@NORCAL322 - why on Earth shouldn't a guy stand on the bride's side or a woman on the man's side? My 2 best friends in all the world are guys and if I were getting married now I would ask them to stand on my side.

Having only girls on one side and only guys on the others has no logic behind it - it is just a repeat of past generations.

He does not have to have them in, but you can make them "bridesmen" and have them stand on your side. This still does not obligate your FH or his groomsmen to include them in things like the bachelor party. We are doing something like this, but my bridesman is one of my best friends, not my brother (only child here). FH has a brother and three sisters, but only wanted his brother in our wedding, so the sisters will be included other ways such as doing a reading or being represented by their son/daughter as the ring bearer/flower girl.

I am caught in the middle. I feel like once parents start putting money into the wedding it kind of gives them a say. But at the same time your fiancé should choose who stands next to him. tough decision because either way someone isn't going to be happy. I'd hate to be in your shoes,

My view is you will all be family soon enough. I was in my brothers wedding, standing on the bride's side, when I had only met her a total of 8 times prior to their wedding because they live across the country. It was great to get to know her more and now I have an amazing sister even though I've maybe seen her 30 total times in my life.

It's not your side vs. his side. Everyone standing up there should support both of you. I think since it means something to you, you should still bring it up to DH. You should have the people that support and love BOTH of you up there. If you'd rather have your brothers on your side, that's fine too. We just did traditional guys/girls because we are all family; there are no "sides".

I don't feel like your dad gets to tell FH who his groomsmen are just because he's paying. If I were you, they would just stand on my side.

I don't think there's a right or wrong way to go about it. His brothers are part of the wedding party but my sister isn't.