Groomsmen and bridesmaid issue.

I was raised that way, FH was not. I chose to have both of his sisters in my line even though I am not close to them. They were excited and happy to be part of the wedding. Out of respect to me, because he knows it means a lot to me FH is having my brother in his line. That being said he likes my brother and gets along with him great. When my family comes to visit or we visit them they hang out. So while I agree that he should be able to choose who is in his line at the same time I think that he should take into consideration how much it would mean to you. After all you are getting married and what does it really hurt in the grand scheme of things except your feelings and your family's feelings? When I told FH about having his sisters stand up with me and if he would be good with letting my brother be a part of the wedding there was no hesitation on his part.

You have plenty of time before you need to decide this. Wait until later this summer or even the fall. FH may change his mind by then.

That being said, I agree with PPs that this is his wedding too and he needs to feel comfortable.

I had a sort of similar thing. My brother will be my MOH (man of honor) because FH didn't feel comfortable asking him as they've only met three times. I did include FH's sister on my side, but she declined. I at least extended the invitation and feel fine with that.

I don't think he has to do this. And honestly, if they aren't that close, your brothers would probably prefer to be with you and your family on the day of the wedding than to feel like outsiders among your fiance's clique during the getting-ready moments, picture taking, etc. It's a special time for your fiance too and I think he just wants to have his nearest and dearest around him, without meaning any offense to your brothers and your family.

I had a friend in this situation once. She had her two brothers walk down the aisle and lay out her aisle runner just before she walked down the aisle. This way the brothers felt included and they had a walk down the aisle just like the groomsmen, but arguably even more special because they were "laying out the carpet" so to speak for their sister rather than standing with her fiance who they liked but didn't feel very close to (similar to what your fiance is saying).

Also, I just noticed that your wedding is about 18 months away? Is that right? I would table this discussion and see how their relationship develops over the next year. Your fiance might feel differently in a year. There's no reason to be determining bridesmaids and groomsmen now...

I have 4 siblings. My FH has his brother and one of my brothers as a groomsmen, one of my brothers is marrying us, my last brother and brother in law are ushers. My sister is involved as the flower girl (her daughter) wrangler. We wanted to include my family but the only one IN the WP is good friends with my FH anyway. Do what makes sense to the TWO of YOU not to anyone else.

My FH is putting my brother in our wedding, and that's how we were raised too. However, FH's SIL thought she should be in the wedding, too, which did cause some drama...

Ask your brothers to be your men of honor. Problem solved.

My 3 brothers are his groomsmen but it's a little different because my brother is best friends with my FH (which is how we met) but he easily agreed to having my other two brothers and I am having his 3 sisters as bridesmaids. It's a personal choice because we are paying for the wedding. In your case, your father is paying so I don't see why your FH would be ungrateful in the sense that what he says goes.

I would have been a bit hurt if FH didn't want my little brother as a groomsman (he's 20). I brought it up to him after we got engaged, and he said that he had already planned on asking him. It was such a relief and my brother was really excited..that kid doesn't get excited about anything lol.

I don't know if I would have felt the same if I had 2 or more brothers. That is a bit much to ask if FH has a lot of friends that he would rather ask. I would try to give them other roles.

How about having your brothers as bridesmen? It's no longer required that the bride's attendants be women and the groom's be men. And since your brothers are closer to you, it makes sense that they'd be your attendants rather than your FI's.

Unless your brothers are total a-holes to your FH then I would say they shouldn't be in your bridal party ...

However it doesn't sound like the case ...and that your FH just doesn't know them that well ? If that's the case I say they should be in the wedding.

I also don't think the bridesmaids are just who the "Bride picks" and groomsmen are who the "groom picks". A wedding is about blending and I say it's okay for the bride to pick groomsmen and the groom to pick bridesmaids.

With that said , I had my SIL as a bridesmaid and it actually made us closer.

My husband was a groomsman in my sisters' wedding.

Also , just because your brothers are groomsmen does NOT mean they have to plan any bachelor parties (same goes for bridesmaids). The only thing they would be doing is getting the suit and walking down the aisle to stand with you.

I personally don't agree with the "bridesmen" thing ...groomsmen should be guys and bridesmaids girls...and it should be ok to have the groom choose a bridesmaid , bride chooses a groomsman .

Our families are similar; it's kind of expected that siblings are included in the bridal party. There was no question that I would ask FSIL to be in my bridal party (even though we're not super close). FH, on the other hand, never wanted to consider having my brother participate as a groomsman. It's not that they don't get along, they're just not close enough for FH to consider my brother a "close friend." We compromised and my brother was asked to be an usher. It wasn't a fight between us because we respected the fact that each of us had the right to choose who stood up with us on one of the biggest days of our lives.

I asked my husband to include my brothers because it was important to me. That's not me choosing my family over my husband, that's my husband choosing me over himself. Personally, I would have been upset if he had said no. Could I have lived with it? Absolutely. Was it amazing that my brothers were included anyways? Yes. Your brothers are about to be his brothers, I think that's a pretty significant thing and I would ask him to reconsider.

Hello OP! I am in almost the exact same situation as you, i have three brothers, and FH doesnt want to include any of them as groomsmen because he only wants his brothers (4). We discussed it a few times, but he wouldn't budge so I am going to have my three brothers each do a reading so that they have an important part to play in the proceedings. Maybe you could give your brothers a different role to play for the wedding that isnt groomsmen?

I tend to side with you on this, just because its a common thing in my family. Both my sister and brother are married. DH agreed my brother should be a groomsman but refused to have my sisters husband be a GM also. To make a long story short he did some things that DH didn't agree with and hasn't been the best to my family. Plus he only talks to him when he sees him, which is maybe 3 times a year. In the end its his choice but my mom was pretty upset that my BIL wasn't in the wedding. So I ended up having him do a reading because I actually agreed with my DH but agreed with my mom too. I did have my brothers wife as a BM but I'm also really close with her so it made sense.

I guess what I'm saying is I'd be pretty upset if DH didn't want to have my brothers but understand the in laws not being a part of it. You have to talk to your FH and come to a decision. If he truly doesn't want them then you will have to have them do something else. You can't force him but I always looked at it as a way of accepting your family and making them a part of your life.

I think that you should have the people who mean the most to you standing by your side on your wedding day. I have a SIL that I'm not particularly close with and I did not feel the need to ask her to be a BM. I have 3 brothers. They will not be groomsmen but we are including them in our wedding as ushers.

Okay so if I make my brothers my men of honor who's side would they be on? Would they still walk to the men side? I want to make everyone happy unfortunately that's one of my flaws.

I'm with your FH. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you because he does not agree and it does not mean he doesn't like your brother. My fiance thought the same as you, his sister would be one of my bridesmaids and my brother would be one of his groomsmen, but after we talked about it that doesn't make sense for us.

At our wedding both our siblings are going to speak, kind of like a reading. My brother is going to have "demands" to marry me (promise to never hurt me, kill all the spiders, etc.) and he'll read them and ask my FH if he agrees. And then FSIL will do similar. It works for our siblings personalities because they are both very protective and it works for us because it sets them as something so much more special than just standing, they literally speak to our values.

Do whats best for your AND your FH. Do what will make your personalities shine and stay true to your roots. You do not have to do something just because that's what you have always seen done.

@JELEEBEENZ I have seen that done several times and it is SO special! That was our fall back if the did not want to speak.

I'm not having my fsil in my party and he is okay with that. Instead she is our photographer. Since she does photography on the side. It includes her in every aspect. I asked him if he didn't mind having my brother and he really didn't care just because I let his sister be the photographer

@Alaina - they would stand on your side.