Groomsmen and bridesmaid issue.

I'm having my 2 brothers be ushers. Maybe you could go that route? They would still get to dress up and be active in the wedding.

There isn't a right or wrong answer, and as far as I'm aware, there's nothing that says you have to include anyone in your bridal party, including siblings or FSILs.

That said, FH and I chose our bridal parties knowing that we would be including our siblings. I am not close with his sister and he is not close with my brother, but we included them anyhow just because it felt like the right thing to do as they are now family.

If this is a big issue in your family, it could cause some serious tension if your FH disregards your brothers like this. I would try to talk to him.

I tend to agree with you and I tend to agree even more since your father is paying for it. I think that you should talk to your FH more with these two main points:

-it would mean a lot to YOU if he invited them to be in his wedding party as a gesture of him accepting them as family.

-your dad is paying and it would be respectful to him

You can't force him to ask your brothers, and if he doesn't, you can always ask them to stand up for you on your side (this is not an uncommon thing). Does your FH have brothers? Is he asking them to be groomsmen. You can also point out that he is clearly asking his brothers to be a part of the wedding, so how would that make his brothers-in-law feel.

I'm not having FSIL as a bridesmaid and FH isn't having my brother as a groomsman. I think that's an outdated tradition. You should have the people you're closest to standing by you on your big day. If it just so happens that you and FH are close to FSIL or FBIL, by all means have them stand in your wedding. If that's who you choose to have with you, more power to you. If not, don't feel pressured to ask them just because of what tradition dictates.

I was put in the same situation. FH has a younger brother and sister but didn't want them in the BP (both 10 years younger so he isn't very close with them). His parents insisted and that was fine, we're including them. I see it as the first step of the rest of our lives together and in that step we want to be inclusive of everyone! Now it's likely his sister won't be included in all of my bridesmaid activities, like my bachelorette party, since she's 14 but that was understood from the beginning. She'll get ready with us and celebrate with us as a member of my bridal party the day of the wedding

I included my SIL in my wedding party because I felt sort of similarly to you. I like her, although we're not super great friends, but I was mainly concerned that she would feel completely left out as the rest of both of our immediate families were in the wedding party. However, if DH had two sisters or three I wouldn't have felt the same way about it.

My family is similar. We all have our siblings/ SO siblings in the wedding party. Luckily FH accepts and understands that. At the very least I would include them as ushers. Just because I know the dynamics of my family, and I wouldn't want to deal with the drama that ensues. In my family, it would cause negative feelings about FH, and that's not a great way to start a marriage. I'm not saying it's right- I'm just saying I understand

Nope, my sister is my moh and fh's 2 brothers are groomsmen. My older brother will do a reading with his girlfriend, my younger brother is MC, my 2 sil (married to fh's brothers) will do a reading and my bil (married to my sister) will say grace. All are included but only the people we want will be standing with us.

I was raised this way as well. I was in my brothers wedding. I asked my SIL to be a BM and my FH asked my brother. FH's brother is the best man. We are also including FHs 3 first cousins in the bp as they are close and I'm somewhat close with them also.

I think you should tell your FH that it's important you to have your brothers in the BP. See if they can either be groomsmen or ushers. See what he says.

Alaina, I am a marriage counselor, and I implore you to side with your husband on this. HE is your future, this is his wedding as much as yours. Stand by him, back him up, tell your dad, "I know this is important to you, and it's not how DH and I (don't throw your FH under the bus and say "He doesn't want it that way....") picture the wedding." Yes, your dad may be disappointed, but your husband will be thrilled you took his side, and there will be plenty of times when you'll want him on yours against his parents, so set the example.

And all families do it differently. I have three brothers and none were DH's groomsmen, nor was his sister a BM.

My FH is asking my brother to be a groomsman. It was something that my parents wanted and they didn't want him to be just an usher. We're doing it to keep the peace.

I've never heard of family members or in laws having to be in the wedding party until WW.

If you are having scripture or a poem read, could they do this? Or perhaps be in usher?

FH considered asking my brother for a hot second, until it took us over a month to confirm his holiday travel plans with us. I told my brother that we'd love to involve him in the wedding, but FH would lose his mind if he had to wrangle him from across the country for details like suit fittings and time lines.

My brother will usher and possibly do a reading, if he wants. I think it's a kind gesture, but not right for everyone to have siblings in the wp.

Why don't you have them stand up on your side?

I honestly think your FH has a right to determine his groomsmen just as you have a right to determine your bridesmaids. It's his wedding too and I think you should consider and factor how he feels and what would make him feel comfortable during the pre-wedding events and wedding day.

The Groom is the only one who decides to have stand with him. The Bride is the only one who decides who stands with her. No one else.

I think your brothers should be his groomsmen, because y'all are now becoming one big family and your fiance should agree with it if he really loves u and want to make you happy. Plus your father is paying for it all so he should appreciate it and not think its a stupid idea because it isn't at all.

I agree with @LoveBubbles. FH should be able to choose who stands by his side. If you want them in the wedding give them another role or they can stand by your side. Especially if your FH does not have a close relationship with your brothers, he should not be obligated to have them stand by his side. My brother is not a groomsmen and FH's 3 sisters are not my bridesmaids.

ETA: spelling

If my FH had a sister, she'd be one of my BM. One of my FH groomsmen WAS my sisters husband, but they recently separated and divorced, so he's obviously not part of it anymore. He didn't really consider him a friend, but felt that it was important to include him.

But.... Your FH has to be comfortable with it.