Getting married before the ceremony

You just apply for a license and go to the court. We did this a few months ago, and we're having our ceremony and reception next October. Regardless of wether it's technically a "vow renewal" it's still just as special for you both. We didn't even tell anyone we got married so no one will even know the difference.

Lots of people do it. The issue becomes whether you tell your guests or not. Many people feel that it is absolutely fine not to tell your guests and that it is no one's business but yours. Many people feel it is dishonest not to tell your guests that the ceremony they think they are watching is not actually happening. The problem is that if you have people in the latter category attending and they find out you were not honest then they will be pretty upset. Up to you how you want to play it, but its a decision you should not make until you have really thought about it.

The last several couples in my family have done this. It was either money related, there was a special day they wanted, & one couple just wanted to go ahead and get married. So they all had either a very small ceremony or went to the courthouse. The couple who just couldn't wait to get married still had their huge ceremony and reception on their original date (only a few ppl knew they were already married), another one had a wedding & reception a month after they had gotten married. Someone really close to them had passed away and they wanted their anniversary to be their birthday and then they had a ceremony to celebrate with all family. The other couple will be doing a renewal on their 5 year anniversary. I am actually thinking of going this route myself.

Personally I don't care for that unless it's The day before the wedding. If I traveled to a wedding then found out you were married a few months prior I wouldn't be happy.

I went to a wedding this summer and found out that they had already been married for over a year. I was really unhappy with the situation, especially given that FH and I travelled to another state and spent several hundred dollars on the trip.

This would be called having a courthouse wedding and a later vow renewal. Can you do it? Sure. Is it a little overkill? Some guests may think so. Remember also that vow renewals also don't generally have things like bachelor/bachelorette parties, showers, Bridal party, or gifts. It's literally just a party thrown to celebrate your marriage. It also generally comes with a much higher decline rate, as people do not put as much effort into attending a vow renewal as they will an actual wedding.

Generally, unless there is a good, compelling reason beyond you not wanting to wait, its recommended you just wait and have the *actual wedding* whenever it is that you'd like your guests to be in attendance.

My LPN license takes a lot of paperwork, also if we where married I could live with him and save over $2000 and put that towards our wedding and food throughtout the school year.

We are doing this... getting married the Wednesday before our actual wedding. Because we live in one state and our wedding is in another , it was going to cost a ridiculous amount of money, so we just decided to do the courthouse thing in our home state. Both sets of parents know, best man and maid of honor... that's it (well and now you guys)

Interesting the parents had different reactions. Both sets are fine with it but my folks don't want to be there ... they want the actual wedding day to be the day they see me get married. His parents want to be there. I'm fine with both options.

Or you could live together just because you want to. just saying.

If you're talking about filling out the papers a week before, then it's pretty common. Many DW brides have to do this. If you mean getting married like a year before... then no, that's a vow renewal.

We are going to the mosque two days before the wedding and will be legally married there. 2 days later we are having a "traditional american" wedding ceremony & reception. I did have trouble finding an officiant willing to do a full ceremony when we were already legally married. Two of them said they could do a ceremony but no exchange of rings and no pronouncement of husband and wife.

FH's sister went to the courthouse and had the ceremony and reception almost a year later. She only told the parents. I wasn't happy having to travel from Georgia to Indiana and realizing they already got married. Especially since I had to bend over backwards and stay up until 3 in the morning making BM bouquets, boutonnieres, centerpieces, and bows for the aisle with the bridal party when I wasn't even part of the bridal party and was just her brother's casual girlfriend at the time. No thank you notes either! Ugh. Sorry, had to rant because it still bugs me.

Personally I never heard of it. But if that's what you and your fiance wants to do than go for it. It's your day remember that.

I have very strong feelings about describing the day you get married as "filling out papers" or describing a courthouse wedding as not an "actual wedding."

Your "actual wedding" is the day you get married. After that it is a symbolic ceremony or vow renewal.

This is what I mean OP, people are all over the map on this one so give it a lot of thought.

Nursing licenses aren't THAT much paperwork and I'm not sure how getting married would mitigate the paperwork anyway. If you want to move in together, move in together. These reasons just seem a little....flimsy.

We do a lot of these, and I personally don't have any issue at all with it. This is a hot button issue here though.

To keep a very long conversation short; you do what works for you, you tell your parents what you're doing and then have your celebration. I can only remember one instance at a wedding ceremony (and I"m up to about 1400 at this point) where anyone asked me if it was the 'legal' wedding.

If the deciding point for your guests' decision to travel to celebrate with you comes down to the legal license, one would THINK more people would ask about it.

But they don't. Do what works for you.

^^^

I hate this idea only because I spent a ton of money to be in my friends wedding and then found out before the wedding that she was already married. They needed her on her husband's benefits and the person marrying them didn't want to get ordained. It's such a lie to me and a waste of my money. Just get married and have a reception later. Skip the 2nd ceremony.

There are legitimate reasons to do this but yours seems kind of dumb. If you want to save money, just move in with him. You can even do so without having sex if that aspect is important to you.

"If the deciding point for your guests' decision to travel to celebrate with you comes down to the legal license, one would THINK more people would ask about it."

THIS! Thank you Celia!!! It surprised me how many people on here would feel angry, offended, or chose not to go to a friend's wedding if they found out they were already legally married.