Getting legally married, then doing a ceremony and a reception later?

This is completely up to you and your fiance. If you were to get married in the court house the reception later on would be called a Celebration of Marriage, since you are technically already married. I did this for my first marriage, but I unfortunately did not get to do the big celebration due to issues with the relationship. I did it for the same reason you are being advised to do it. I was living together with my ex, before we got married and his and my parents are Christians. So for us it was the best decision financially, because all we paid for was the license, a thank you fee to our pastor and we treated family and friends out to a restaurant after.

Financially it is different than doing it all on the same day because on that day, you have more than just the license to worry about. I'm not sure about everything you had planned for your big day, but if you planned to do it all on that day all of your vendors and venue has to be paid off and such. You mentioned you lost your job, leading up to your wedding day you are supposed to buy your gown, your FH is supposed to be getting his suit and you are supposed to be making payments to your vendors. If you were just going to do the court house it would be less things to pay for. (Unless you wanted to do a more formal court house wedding with a gown and such).

At the end of the day it is really up to you and your FH.

You could just go to the court house and get legally married. You would be married and get all the benefits of being married as far as insurance, taxes, property etc. You can then have a ceremony (renewal of your vows) on the date when the original wedding was planned, You can have the day be just like the original wedding day with eh only difference being your vows. Since you would be legally married the vows would be different and honestly only you can decide if this would be the best for both of you. Your decision needs to be what the two of you want not what your family or his family wants. Also, the celebration can be as elaborate or as simple as you and your other half wants.

The PP hit the nail on the head. Your courthouse ceremony would be your wedding. The party after would be your celebration of marriage. You can treat your celebration of marriage like your wedding in terms of budget, etc. You would just modify a few things (e.g. the ceremony would be a vow renewal not a marriage ceremony).

You pick the option which works before for you and your FH.

Also, are you trying to get pregnant? If you don't want to get pregnant, there are many ways to prevent pregnancy (https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control) which will drastically reduce the likelihood of needing to get married due to unplanned pregnancy.

If you do this, please make sure your guests know you are already married when you have your vow renewal. It's not kind to lie to people or to keep the truth from them. It means some may choose not to attend as a result. You also can't have bridal showers or a bachelorette because you won't be a bride.

A courthouse wedding is a wedding, even if it's not the wedding of your dreams. Personally, I can't really understand throwing a big party later when you're already married- I feel like a wedding is supposed to celebrate a couple getting married at that time, and I would not go to a vow renewal that wasn't a milestone. I also know that I personally would have different priorities for my money after I was married. But you do you- if you want to throw a party later, go for it- just don't lie to your guests about what it is.

There is a lot of different angles to view this from.

Financially, a courthouse wedding with a small reception afterwards, or even a church wedding (if you attend the church they may let you use it as a venue for free) would be the cheapest option. You could even have a courthouse wedding and have a backyard reception BBQ afterwards!

Time-wise, If it is urgent, a courthouse wedding with a reception afterwards is perfect! IF you have the reception the same day/week. People often say they will get married at the courthouse and then have a big party when they are financially ready, but the party often never happens. (my cousin did this and I never got to feel a part of her wedding because they court housed with the parents, and there has yet to be a party. now they have a baby, and there will never be a party )

Finances over time will grow. So the longer you wait, the more money, the better the party and or honeymoon!

The most important way to look at it, is when do you two WANT to get married, and will you be able to afford your dreams then? The other most important thing is that NONE OF IT MATTERS! at the end of the day you will be married to one another

I hope I was able to help give some insight! Best of luck!

I'm sorry you feel that way. I prefer plain wording because it doesn't leave much to interpretation.

The reason I would not attend a vow renewal so close to a legal wedding is because I feel that is merely a "Pretty Princess" party. Weddings are to celebrate the milestone of people getting married. A vow renewal that close to a legal wedding doesn't really have any significance at all. It's a great party and if you want to have one, by all means you do you. But it really isn't celebrating anything special that day, in my opinion.

If my friends had gotten married, I would have given them a gift when they got married, whether they had a large reception or not. I would not bring a gift to a vow renewal that was not for a milestone year.

Finances really aren't the issue- it doesn't matter to me because it's none of my business. But a courthouse wedding is a wedding, period. Having a second party is not a wedding, which is why you don't get a bridal party or bachelorette or shower; you are not a bride or a bachelorette- you are a married woman.

No one is entitled to anything, and there are consequences for decisions. I guarantee you that I am not the only person who feels this way about people who throw vow renewals a very short time after a legal marriage ceremony.

You do whatever makes you happy... but expect some sideeye if you choose to pretend that a celebration of marriage/vow renewal is a wedding, because it is not. A courthouse wedding is just as valid a choice as a huge dream ceremony and reception.

I’m doing that now. No I’m not calling it a vow renewal. Point blank this will be our wedding. We are including family. I think it’s rude for anyone to expect a couple to pay 100 for you to sit,eat,drink,and enjoy music off of their dime and you don’t bring a gift. It’s just etiquette. Make up your own rules if people don’t want to come. That helps you save money and be around the true people that care.

My husband and I got married in Dec/2018, and not everyone knows we are married. We just didn't tell anyone, no particular reason, it was spur of the moment. That's how we roll! My mom found out and she is heartbroken. I want to have the traditional wedding and reception with all my family and friends, but I am in the middle of Nursing School, and still work part time, so I just don't have the time to plan such an event, nor the money. We are planning to announce our marriage on our 1 year anniversary, so know one feels like they are lying, and we can divulge the truth, and then announce a celebration of marriage and ceremony planned for 02/2021 when I will be graduated from nursing school. I think do what you want, but don't expect everyone to be ok with it. People have very strong feelings about this subject, including some of my family. I plan on having a " girls weekend" and my husband a " guys weekend" in lieu of the bachelor/ bachelorette parties. Good luck!!!!

I totally agree with you Red Queen - - couldn’t have said it any better. My pregnant niece and her fiancé just got married in a park. After her wedding she and her husband along with family were treated to a dinner at a restaurant by her father and mother. My niece has informed the family that she is having a renewal of vows and wants the white dress wedding and sit down dinner next year. Her father is my brother and he is retiring next year along with his wife so their income will be fixed. My niece and her spouse are living with his parents because they can,t afford the apartment they were renting because of their impending child and payments on two new cars. It’s not my business but I could not gather my thoughts about this until I read your post Red Queen. Right On!

So agree with you!!!!