C
September 2019

Future son-in-law thinks i'm pushy and overbearing

Carol, on January 17, 2019 at 7:55 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 92
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My daughter is getting married in September. Im widowed and do not have much money so I am unable to contribute to the wedding costs. My daughter and future son in law are spllting the costs with his parents. I attended dress shoppings and fittings with my daughter. But, I was not invited to other planning events and questioned both of them on it and my son-in-law flat out said that I had no place being at their venue and vendor visits since I am not paying for anything.

I have tried to reach out to him by inviting him and his family over for dinner and bbqs and they refuse. My daughter and I are very close as she is my only child and I really do not have much family. We text or talk daily. Before Christmas her fiance told me that I need to cut the apron strings and that he does not like that my daughter is a mama's girl He told me that I am overbearing and that I need to let my daughter go.

This has upset me quite a bit and I have talked to my daughter about it and she seems to agree with her fiance that we are too close and enmeshed. I am really sad about everything especially when I saw on Facebook that my daughter and future son-in-law were getting their invitations finalized and pick out, I' have sen other pics on Facebook that include his parents going with them to venues and vendor meetings. I do not know what to do and I feel like I am Losing my daughter.

92 Comments

Latest activity by Tara, on January 26, 2019 at 1:06 AM
  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    I personally don’t think it’s a parents place to go to all the vendor meetings and help plan. It isn’t your wedding and these are decisions that should be between the two of them. It becomes hard when a parent gives money because technically they have a say in what their money goes to. If your daughter agrees that you’re a little too close I would look into therapy to discuss this. I know it can be difficult to go from having a child that needs you to having an independent adult who begins to rely on their significant other.
    • Reply
  • Lauren
    Devoted October 2019
    Lauren ·
    • Flag
    I agree with the above poster

    however he is RUDE and he should watch his mouth treat the only living parent of his future wife with some civility.
    • Reply
  • C
    September 2019
    Carol ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    It's not that I wanted to go to all of the meetings. It hurts that his parents get so much involvement and enjoyment in planning the wedding and I'm left out and I don't have anyone to turn to about this. My husband died two years ago and I don't want to really date again.

    • Reply
  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I get that. Unfortunately they can do that because they are paying. I would look into counseling.
    • Reply
  • C
    September 2019
    Carol ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I don't want to look into counseling. I'm being mistreated. I just love my daughter and want to have some involvement in her wedding.


    I also feel like I'm being punished for not having the money to participate in the wedding. Why can't I have a little bit of involvement?

    • Reply
  • Lauren
    Devoted October 2019
    Lauren ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Thank speak to her privately
    • Reply
  • C
    September 2019
    Carol ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I have talked to her about it and she goes along with her fiance about only having his parents involved.

    • Reply
  • Cynthia's and Robert  Wedding Day
    VIP September 2020
    Cynthia's and Robert Wedding Day ·
    • Flag
    I would just reach out to her and ask does she need your assistance on any task that must be complete. Then after that I will just be done and give her space.
    • Reply
  • Kenisha
    Champion June 2019
    Kenisha ·
    • Flag
    I don’t think any parents should go to meetings, consultations, etc.

    I’m not sure what you’re looking for on here if you don’t want to seek counseling or speak to her privately.
    • Reply
  • Mandy
    VIP May 2019
    Mandy ·
    • Flag
    I invited my mother when I tried on wedding dresses and we bought flowers together but that's it. She offered to pay for my dress so I wanted her to have a say as well as being there as my mother. She didn't come to the venue with us. She didn't talk to my vendors, etc. It's one thing if I ask her for help or her opinion but another for her to expect just because she's my mother she needs to be 100% involved or in the know.

    If you don't think counseling is right for you that's fine. There's no need to be bitter towards your daughter for wanting to make choices with her to be husband. There's no need for you to be bitter with him because he wants you to take a step back and let her be an adult. He wants to be her go to person, not for you to be that person.
    • Reply
  • C
    September 2019
    Carol ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I said that I already spoke to her.

    • Reply
  • Kenisha
    Champion June 2019
    Kenisha ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I understand that. Maybe more than one conversation needs to be had.
    • Reply
  • C
    September 2019
    Carol ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I'm not trying to be her "go to person" for everything. I just want to have some joy in her wedding. It feels like I'm just showing up for the event like all the other guests instead of the bride of the mother.


    I am letting her be an adult. She is 31 and hasn't lived with me since she left to college.

    • Reply
  • Kenisha
    Champion June 2019
    Kenisha ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Exactly this.
    • Reply
  • Kenisha
    Champion June 2019
    Kenisha ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    You’re coming on here being very defensive. Everyone on here is giving you an outsiders opinion or view. Take a deep breath & try to be more open to other possibilities.
    • Reply
  • C
    September 2019
    Carol ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I have offered assistnace, but she keeps giving duties and tasks to her future mother-in-law and maid of honor. She is leaving me out of everything other than the dress shopping and fittings. It hurts that I'm not allowed to do anything just because I don't have the money. I offer time to help them and they don't take it.

    • Reply
  • C
    September 2019
    Carol ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I've tried to be open to other possibilities. But the whole wedding is being planned and managed by my daughter, future son-in-law, and his parents. It feels like i'm an outsider and I'm not equal to his parents because they have the means to be involved.


    I hate that our society often punishes people for not having money to help others.

    • Reply
  • Kenisha
    Champion June 2019
    Kenisha ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I’m not sure exactly who you’re referring to but on WW 99% of us say it’s YOUR responsibility ( not anyone else’s ) to pay for YOUR wedding.
    • Reply
  • Cynthia's and Robert  Wedding Day
    VIP September 2020
    Cynthia's and Robert Wedding Day ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    At this point I would stop trying I wish my Mom was here so that I can share my planning with her but everyone is different .
    • Reply
  • Kenisha
    Champion June 2019
    Kenisha ·
    • Flag
    Honestly speaking, did you come on here looking for sympathy rather than advice?
    • Reply

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