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Devoted October 2019

Future MIL sent out e-mail Save the Dates to people not invited! How do I handle this?

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Missy B, on March 22, 2017 at 2:10 PM

Our wedding is VERY small. 72 total, including the wedding party. This means, immediate family and our closest friends. NOT extended family. We are paying for it 100% ourselves and this is inline with our limited budget and ideas. The guest list was already decided. Well...my FMIL took it upon herself to send out "Save the Date" e-mails to her family. Almost all are not on the invitation list, most I have never met and my fiancé hasn't seen the majority since he was a child. I am fuming. My fiancé is like, how do we deal with this? I told him, first...you will talk to your mother and let her know they are not invited and not to do anything like this again. His mother...he gets that one! What I need to know is how to deal with the people that got the "Save the Dates". Do I just ignore it, do I address them personally? Do I send out a broad e-mail? This is rough, I feel horrible, but inviting them is not an option. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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87 Comments

Master July 2017
Caitlin · on March 24, 2017 at 10:22 AM
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Wow. I don't really have words. I am so sorry you had to go through this but even more than anything else, I can't believe FMIL refused to fix her mistake. She seriously was hoping that by her doing that you and FH would be too embarrassed/polite to do her dirty work for her. I am so impressed by the message you sent to everyone. There was a lot of grace and I agree that you will have to keep FMIL in the dark about everything wedding related now.

I can't believe she tried to tell you to just change your venue and that you guys made enough money to accommodate everyone.
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Expert June 2017
Future Stogner · on March 24, 2017 at 11:43 AM
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You handled the situation in the right way. FMIL is definitely a piece of work.
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Master December 2016
Nancy · on March 24, 2017 at 11:47 AM
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Your MIL gets to deal with this. She either uninvites them (Tacky) or gets to pay the bill for extra expenses. I feel for the guests who might be uninvited.
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VIP November 2017
Ann · on March 24, 2017 at 11:50 AM
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Oh geez. That is not ok. FMIL needs to fix what she caused
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Master August 2017
MrsMitch · on March 24, 2017 at 11:50 AM
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You handled that beautifully. I'm sure your those uninvited will understand and she is the one who looks ridiculous. I'm actually dealing with the same thing. FMIL thinks this is her wedding and is upset her guest list of 180 (some with plus ones) didn't make the cut. She took the same attitude as your FMIL and said we should expand our budget to be able to accommodate about 300, find a cheaper venue or cancel altogether if we can properly host 300 people that we barely know. She also asked me to send her Save the Dates so she could send out to his side of the family. That was a big fat no. After reading this, I'm praying she wouldn't do the exact same thing.
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Master February 2015
Bethyonce · on March 24, 2017 at 11:51 AM
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You did a great job and your FH handled the conversation wonderfully.

I am curious what the responses are. I am sure that this isn't the first time FMIL has overstepped among family so I am sure you will get at least a couple sympathy emails. lol.
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Super April 2020
Rebecca · on March 24, 2017 at 11:53 AM
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Oh I would be so pissed!! Sorry this happened to you but I agree with PP let your FMIL handle her own mess.
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