Future MIL sent out e-mail Save the Dates to people not invited! How do I handle this?

Send her a bottle of Advil for her coming headaches.

This is brings up so many resolved issues with my FMIL! She needs a sit down with it's our wedding and this is how it's going to be

You shouldn't be embarrassed - FMIL should be embarrassed for behaving this way. I agree that it's her mess to clean up but have FH make sure she *did* clean up the mess so you don't have any wedding day surprise guests.

While I agree that it SHOULD be her mess to deal with, I doubt she will, and these people deserve to know the truth before they make plans or start buying gifts. I think if she doesn't let them know that she made a mistake, you need to be prepared to let them know. I would start with a huge apology and letting them know that there seems to have been some miscommunication (I wouldn't throw her under the bus as that would likely make you look bad). Tell them that it's a very intimate wedding and, unfortunately, the small venue can't accommodate the larger guest list but that you and FH would love to get together with all of them for dinner sometime after the wedding.

If you don't know them and they don't know you, I doubt many of them will be upset to learn they weren't invited. My parents' families live several states away and I was surprised when I got an invitation to a cousin's wedding--I wouldn't know him if I ran into him on the street. I had no interest in attending his wedding.

Oh my lawd! She needs to fix that, not you. She is the one that overstepped. Good luck!

Are you f*cking kidding me?! That makes my blood boil. FH absolutely needs to confront her and she needs to learn some boundaries. Is this her first offense? Or has she always been like this? You do not want to start your life together with MIL thinking she is allowed to run your life and manipulate you. Hopefully she was just over excited and can be trained, but prepare yourself, because she will probably cry and try to guilt you and play the victim card. Do not give in, when a toddler throws a tantrum, you don't let them eat candy for dinner or else it teaches them that throwing a fit gets them what they want. "The decisions our nuclear family make are not up for debate" Best of luck OP, I feel for you. all the hugs.

ETA: give her a deadline of when she has to act by. If she doesn't do it by then, you may have to do it yourselves, and I would have major consequences for FMIL, starting with going against WW advice and dis-inviting her and putting her on a long time out.

Oh my gosh.. so not cool. I would have your FMIL tell them they cannot attend and that it was her error. You should NOT have to be the bad guy here.

This is 100% on FMIL unless she plans to pony up the cash to pay for them.

This really stressed me out and this sounds like something my FILs would do! I told both parents that I want their lists of people so that I can send out everything myself! But like others said, it's on your FMIL, you just keep planning your wedding, OP!

I agree with all PPs... her mess, she has to clean it. Is there a way to cancel evites to people who haven't seen it, maybe that'll save at least a few people..?

In response to a couple of questions:

I found out she did this because I received a Facebook message from one of the relatives that they were so excited to see us and had never been to our theme of a wedding. I asked her how she knew our date was the Saturday of Halloween...she told me of the e mail. I had her forward it to me and attached was all of the persons she sent it to. I seriously felt my heart go to my feet and my neck was on fire at that moment.

Secondly: The FMIL is not assisting financially...she has stated multiple times that we are in our 30's and that ship sailed a long time ago...although I thought a little not so nice to say, that is not an issue for me. I am fine with us paying. The size is the issue. We have already placed deposits for the venue on this date, photographer and musicians. The venue max is 80, we are at 72...I cannot add onto that due to the set up. We would not be able to do the 80, that is the venue suggested max...realistically there shouldn't be more than 70 tops.

Oh HELL NO. lval82 has good advice on this one...ideally FMIL would handle it but I can see that not happening.

If your FMIL is passive aggressive or manipulative, your FH needs to stand over her and make sure she sends the apology to each and every family member who got the Save the Date, and ADMIT fault on her own, not blame it on FH and you. She may try to make you look like the bad guys when this was all her doing.

You know your FMIL better than we do. Was this an true Oops moment? Or was she trying to get her way by letting this horse out of the barn and shame you into adding the guests? Because if it's the latter, she might bad mouth you to the rest of the family when she recants the save the date.

FMIL gets to send them another email apologizing and retracting that Save the Date

I would total up her guests and give her an invoice. They can come, but only if she pays for it. I'm sure she'll back down then. Lol

Tell FMIL that it's her fault so she needs to rescind it herself or make sure they don't get invites

Oh my gosh that sucks so bad. I can't believe she did that! I would have your FH talk to her and tell her that she needs to contact these people, I also agree with anothe PP and maybe set a deadline just so she doesn't keep pushing it off and off until it's to late. I hope this gets easily resolved!

Can we have an update OP?

Yes please can we have an update? I'm interested to know what FMIL said about why she felt she had the right to do this. I agree it's something she needs to clean up and I'd make FH address it with her but I don't think I would have been able to refrain from calling her in a rage.

Don't let her get away with this manipulation or you've signed up for this behaviour for life. Your FI needs to sit down with her and explain that these people will not be receiving invitations. There is no room for them and no negotiation. He then needs to ask her what her plan is for fixing the situation she created. She needs to be made to take ownership of her mistake. Hopefully in future she will refrain from such manipulation.