Freaking out over the guest list

You don't HAVE to invite anyone. When we were planning, we opted to cut the list off at aunts & uncles. Our first cousins are far too numerous and if we invite one, we must invite all. So that's something to think about. Start with those nearest and dearest to you and go from there.

I'm in the same boat. We have a MAX of 220 and we both have big families. You just need to make some rules that work for you and stick to them.

We opted to include family up to first cousins. Didn't invite kids (except nieces and nephews) or plus ones unless we know the person is in a long-term or serious relationship. This cut a bunch right off the top. Then we removed any friends we haven't seen or heard from in more than 6 months if they live relatively local. Removed all co-workers and neighbours. Only invited close friends.

I feel for you! My parents are contributing quite a bit to our wedding, and we settled on a smallish-medium sized venue. The guest list that FI and I put together put us quite a bit under the max capacity...until my parents starting adding all these other people we needed to invite. I argued, but was promptly put in my place lol. Now we are OVER the maximum capacity and I'm praying for some no's. They all will fit if necessary, but I'm worried we're all going to packed in there like sardines.

It's all pretty much settled right now but there was a two week period where I cried constantly and wondered where my REAL parents went.

I don't think its fair you have to cut your list just b/c his family is bigger. My *immediate* family (siblings and their kids) is literally 5 times bigger than FH's *entire* family (22 people vs 4), so he just gets to invite more friend than I do.

Here's a helpful tip: Only send STDs to the people you REALLY want to have at the wedding. You don't want to send them to anyone you are on the fence about/unsure of-- those people can wait for invitations.

I'm dealing with the same thing.

I've been in the most sour mood for the last week or so because of it.

I'm enjoying most of the process, but the whole guest list garbage is the absolute pits

If you ask me, parents, siblings and best friends get priority. Aunts, uncles and cousins can get the cut.

You don't HAVE to invite anyone to your wedding and you shouldn't feel pressured to do so.

Guest list has by far been the hardest part of my whole planning process! We have a max of 245 and each of us has a large extended family and lots of friends. What I have found, though, is that people (potential guests) understand what we are going through and know how difficult it is to formulate a guest list. There are so many people that we WANT to have present, but we had to really ask "has this person made an impact on our lives" and also, it was important for us to have guests that know us as a COUPLE--not just one of us as an individual. Only one friend has mentioned not getting an invite to another guest and I simply say that it was so difficult making a list, and my fiance and I each have large families and many close friends. It definitely gets easier as the time goes on. People should never be angry about not getting an invitation--only happy that you have found and married the man of your dreams!

^^^ Glad to know I'm not the only one! I've heard a lot of different responses and answers to my asking "is this normal??" IRL, but everyone I have spoken to either is not married (therefore has not had to go through this) or is a lot older (and cannot remember what it was like!) I'm trying to keep my list as tight as possible, but it doesn't help that I have two SETS of parents and aunts and uncles/cousins on my side already, and it seems like I will have to cut some of these people (that I actually see) in favor of FH's giant list of cousins that he only sees every few years. All to "keep the peace" and it really burns me!!

We were at almost 200 guests and we both started cutting. I ended up cutting all my aunts and uncles because we wanted to cut anyone that would cause drama. FH cut some aunts and uncles for the same reason. The only family I have coming is my parents and brother the rest that I could invite are older and would not be able to travel so I am not even bothering. Most of our guests will be FH family, our friends, and some people FH works with. Only invite the people you want to share your wedding day with. I had one cousin I was going to invite but I found out she really didn't care and planned on getting drunk at the wedding because she's not married.

Ugh! I was in that boat last week… and i was freaking out because the caterer is so expensive so we cut our list and then FMIL said we had to add most the people back because their family is crazy and it would cause drama. But we went from 250 to 152. Mostly by just inviting the adults in some families. The ones who have 3-6 younger kids. I plan to address it as Mr. & Mrs. XYZ

I'm still have a few kids at my wedding but not a ton like before and now I'm a happy camper! Just take deep breaths, invite who you HAVE to. Maybe truly think of about some of the people on your list and ask yourself if you would be sad if they weren't there and then decide. Maybe think of cutting some kids. But as crapy as it is, you don't want to start your marriage on a bad note with his family just because so and so didn't get a invite. As dumb as it is, i definitely understand and feel for you!

We drew the line after aunts/uncles - cousins were not invited as well as children who are not family or a part of the bridal party. We're having a small wedding with only immediate family and close friends. FH's family is huge (in Filipino culture everyone is family), but we just couldn't afford it and he was OK with that.

Also, we split the guest list in half. FH has so many he can invite (family included) and I have so many I can invite (family included) so it was fair to us.

Who's paying for the wedding? If it's you, your FH or your parents, then you need to step up and stop this! I agree with some others that inviting in circles is the easiest--aunts, uncles, cousins. I have a fairly large family, but FH doesn't. We just wanted to have everything be as fair as possible. And it was important to us that our friends be invited, so we're doing a fairly inexpensive venue with a huge max capacity just in case!

But please don't cut your family for the sake of FH's!! Even if his parents are the ones paying, that's just not fair. Looks like it's a time to have an honest convo with FH about what you both want! You don't have to invite someone just to "keep the peace." I'm sorry!!

FH and I are paying (although I am the only one to have thrown down so much $$ so far, but that's b/c I am the one shopping etc.) but my mom is gifting us with a nice chunk (totally unexpectedly) that will really give us the larger wedding reception we want/have to have. So technically, I think she should have some say in the guest list. I am inviting her close friends, who are also like family, and that should be enough to appease her. But FH's family basically does the "everyone is invited" when it comes to weddings. His cousin spent $25K on her wedding last year, UMMMM we're not doing that!! so he seems to think that we HAVE to, which to me seems totally cray.

No need to stress, simple answer! If you're paying for the wedding you and you fiancee need to take control of your wedding and budget. When this is over NOBODY will help you with the bills. No need to invite people just because someone else wants you to.

The guest list was also a sore spot for us and our families, but we didn't come out nearly as bad as we could have. I owe that to the fact that we witheld lots of info from our parents. The less they knew, the less input they could give. It wasn't until we were finalizing our list last week that we caught a little grief from my FSIL, but other than that we steered clear of too much drama. Goal: 90 Actual: 106 (Not too shabby)

Do NOT send STDs.. You can always adjust your list later, but once those are out you are stuck.

I have a MUCH bigger family than FH. I am also pretty close to all my family, and I moved away to college where I met him, so I have my friends I still keep in good touch with back "home" and my new friends here. Our max with bridal party is 470, and just my guest list is about 400. Luckily he doesn't have much family and my guest list also includes most of our mutual friends. But we would still like to cut some people since it's $28 per plate for adults and $10 per plate for children. Half our wedding will just be food....

I feel your pain on guest list. My FH and I are on a super tight budget as we are paying for this ourselves. Both of my parents are deceased and I am an only child, so my guest list is small. His family is a nightmare (as in how they treat people), so for us, we are only inviting people that are fun, have been supportive of our love, and will not add stress to the day. It is YOUR and your FH's day, period. Invite who you WANT to share the day. We very well may end up not inviting my FH's parents and sister simply because they are the type of people that will take over every aspect of OUR day (and not paying for any of it) and stress us out. We realize we may be stepping on etiquette but at the same time it is OUR day, not theirs. I strongly think invite who you WANT there and find a way to tactfully, but firmly, tell folks that are telling you who to invite that while you value their wishes, it is YOUR day.

One...guest lists suck. What my FH and I did was take a chunk for us of the size of wedding we wanted then split the rest between his parents and mine. Then they can figure out who they want to invite and who is closest tot hem. IF they give you a hard time then let them know that is exactly how you feel when you are forced to not include people who are important to your FI and you and its YOUR wedding! That's their number. Let them know if need be they can have a "b-list" for when "no"s start coming in, but they won't come back in time just an FYI so you probably won't have to invite them. For the most part it has worked. I dont' like the people my parents (my mom) has invited and havent' seen them in years, but that's her number of invites end of story...not going to argue.

The guest list is always a brawl. We had pressure to invite a bunch of DH's extended family, my extended family (most of whom I hadn't seen in over a decade), and to let our single guests bring dates.

We were paying for it ourselves, which made it easier to stand up to pressure. For example, the IL's thought I should cut some friends to make room for their family, but I was able to explain that my friends were like family to me. We did make an exception and invite a cousin who often came to Thanskgiving. I also was able to tell single guests that we'd envisioned an intimate, low-key wedding, and didn't want to look at photos later wondering who the hell people were. We still got some grumbling, but once people arrived and realized what a small celebration it was they chilled out.