Exes invited to wedding/reception?

Bride2be, I never said that every older person was cool with being friends with their ex. I said that in my experience, usually older people seem to not care about it. (40s and 50s) I also said that ops situation was different because she's never met these women and her FH doesn't seem to have much of a friendship with them now.

I don't see why you would be jealous, they are literally coming to watch you and him get MARRIED. They don't get to marry him.. you do.

No they would not be invited, especially if one of the exes confessed to having feelings for your FH??? I'm not sure why this is even a debate. "Immediate No" Why in the hell invite her, so she can side eye you all night?

I had to deal with the same situation however I decided that I'm fine with it. FH and his ex dated when they were teens. He still considers her a good friend, which he doesn't have many of, so I want to make sure he's happy too. Plus I don't mind her that much. She treated us out to dinner to congratulate us on our engagement. It honestly depends on your state of comfort.

Wow this sounds all sorts of messed up. Amy, it sounds like

1. there is some trust issues going on, what is your FH hiding, why does he want these women there?

2. Is he faithful to you? I'm not trying to stir things up but it sounds like there is some red flags. Is your husband not wanting to settle down or something? Why would he be grinding on anyone but you? does he regularly grind on other women or what kind of wedding is this?! Unless you guys have an open relationship (which doesn't usually work) then your future husband shouldn't be dancing with other women in slow dances or grinding, that's just red flags all over!

Overall, Exes are fine to invite if it's a friend of both of you and you genuinely care for them and see them often, but other than that it's a huge no. Especially with the jealous girl, why did he only show you some of those messages? This all sounds like couples counseling is needed to me.

I wasn't invited to any of my exes weddings and we were on good terms as in "hi, hello how are you, okay nice to see you" type stuff, but I definitely understood why I wasn't invited because it would have been awkward for the bride. His exes should understand and we aren't inviting anyone we both haven't met/ know

Can you tell him its too early to decide on this one particular ex but then schedule a group hang with her and the FH? Then get a feel for how they act together. If she makes you uncomfortable or says something inappropriate then don't invite her.

I am jealous and couldn't handle it

@Mandi J. I love your idea and had actually suggested it myself! I think thats the route we will go

I'm petty and jealous. I don't think ex's should be friends. Move on. With that being said, I damn sure wouldn't allow ex's to the wedding. My FH is cordial with his ex's but would never invite them to our wedding.

@Monica, just wondering where you're getting your opinion on open relationships not working. I'd love to see your statistics, given that the majority of monogamous relationships don't work out, either

Frankly, relationships in general just plain don't work out very often. On average, half of the brides on this board will get divorced. No one thinks it's going to be them, but that's life.

@Millie, I think it's sad you don't think ex's should be friends. If you once cared about someone, I think it's wonderful when the hard feelings fade to still enjoy those qualities about that person. It doesn't need to be firebombed. Honestly, I think it says a lot about a person's relationship skills when they can end a relationship without a major implosion.

One of H's best female friends is an ex girlfriend. He's always been open and honest about their friendship and prior relationship and I consider her a good friend as well.

I invited three ex's as well, all of whom I am still very close to. H did not have an issue with it.

To be clear, there are exes of his I would NOT have been okay with inviting, and he felt the same way. It was okay with the exes we invited, but not as a blanket rule.

This is a WAY bigger problem than your wedding guest list. H and I both had exes at our wedding (I had never met one of his and I had one of mine IN the wedding) but those friendships are things we are comfortable with.

If you believe 'the past should stay in the past' and you're marrying someone who fundamentally disagrees with that philosophy, then you're going to have a rough marriage if you don't find a way to compromise that makes you BOTH comfortable and happy(ish). And no, being incredibly insulting to them by inviting them only to the reception is not a good compromise.

Don't invite them bye

My FH ex wife and her husband are invited, which I am fine with. I would not be ok with his ex girlfriend coming mainly bc she refuses to recognize me and our relationship. When I met her at a large gathering, she walked away one time when he tried to introduce us. She also proceeded to tell me what my FH does and does not like in regards to food, travel, etc. I was not a happy camper. Her FB posts are frequently memories of she and him and their kids playing.

I guess my feelings differ in regards to how the ex acts towards me and recognizes our relationship

This should not even be a topic of discussion. Something seems off. I have one ex I genuinely care for and keep in distant touch with - we text 3-5 times a year - and my husband is fully aware of it and has no problem with it at all. My ex is a computer genius so whenever we have any issues, we always ask him, and most times my husband is the one to suggest that I reach out to him to ask how to solve it. However, my ex will not be invited to our upcoming church wedding (husb and I are already married legally). Maybe its a cultural thing - in my culture that's a big no-no and completely unheard of. I would seriously recommend you discuss this further with your FH... and dancing with them??!??? Its YOUR day! Why would your husband dance with any other woman that isn't you or his mom?! And if you guys had decided on no kids, why is he making an exception now for a woman who has feelings for him? It really is all filled with some red flags that need elaboration. I really hope you guys can work this out and that you both end up happy with your decision. However, this sounds like it would be a good idea to start bringing up other equally important topics to the surface prior to the wedding, just to see where you and him both stand. It sounds like you guys are not exactly on the same page. I would see if there were other areas of your lives that you are also not in agreement with and go from there.

View Quoted Comment If it’ll make you feel uncomfortable then it’s not ok. You should come first. My fiancé’s ex girlfriend is now dating one of his closest friends. When the topic of giving his friend a plus one (cause he’d obviously bring her) I told him that I don’t want to see her on MY DAY. I’m nice to her at mutual friends’ parties and I have no issues with her, but it’s my day and I don’t want to be reminded of them two. It took him some time to understand, but ultimately he did. Because he knows that if the situation was reversed, he wouldn’t want ANY of my exes there.