Etiquette on asking someone to be in your wedding. RANT!!

Does DB even rent dresses?. I only read that the tux was a rental...

Did your FH want to bow out as well or did you make that decision for him?

@SuYa, my FH immediately said that he would not pay $240 and would not be in the wedding. I in no way needed to make a decision for him, I was more willing to pay the prices than he was.

@GymRat

I don't think a lot of people have read the comments.

1. We have already respectfully declined being in the wedding.

2. Thank you to everyone that commented and cleared things up for me.

How much are the BM dresses and tux/suit rentals for your wedding OP?

I let my girls pick whatever dresses they wanted as long as they were floor length and the same color from David's and they all ended up getting dresses for 180/190. I let them pick because I know that when you drop that much you want to love the dress you are getting. I'm in a wedding in April and I expect to spend 200 on my dress. It's just how it is. Maybe try to find that dress used on ebay or some other site like that.

I didn't tell my bridesmaids and groomsmen what their stuff cost until after everything was picked out. I'm aware that it's probably rude, but I feel like if they agreed to be up there with us, then they're agreeing to the price of the stuff they have to wear. BUT if they couldn't afford it, we would help them out as much as possible. AND they've known for well over a year that they're in the wedding and they've known for 8-9 months how much their stuff is.

I would never have sprung it on them only 3 months before the wedding, especially if any of them were planning their own day. I would have dropped out too if it were me.

IMO / experience when you agree to be part of the bridal party you are agreeing to whatever the bride wants you to wear, doesnt matter if you don't like the color,style or price. The bride and groom are not there to cater to anyone's needs on their wedding day. Out of courtesy yes they should of asked budget, I did mine out of coutesy for the girls not out of politeness. When you agree to be in a wedding your agreeing to pay for your attire regardless of cost. The bride and groom should let you know a.s.a.p what that cost is so you can budget for the attire. Is it nice to ask their budget, yes but it's not rude if they don't ask. You agreed to be in their wedding and to wear what they pick out you know this when you say yes. I think you are overwhelmed because your paying for you and FH attire on top of planning your wedding and it's hard not to stress when you have a $500 obligation while your putting money into your wedding and on top of that trying to live, and then adding trying to save for buying a home. Its a lot to take in and all at once. I think if you didn't have everything else going on you wouldn't be as stressed about the dress and tux cost.

@Mary. Please JFC, read the comments. This money was to RENT the dress. And they are no longer part of the WP.

I have to assume that our definition of rude isn't the same. Assuming that someone agreed to be in your wedding so you could tell THEM how much THEY will spend? You're right, it's not rude. It's more than rude. It's atrocious! If you care about these people as more than just wedding props, their budget matters too. It's just that simple. What these people did to OP was ridiculous.

Both prices you mentioned, the $180 and the $240 are actually lower than prices I've seen for those. My BMs picked their own dresses at $212 which made me feel terrible because it seems like too much, but they were insistent. I did not know their budget when we went looking because I didn't imagine at the time that they would be so expensive. Your friend did obviously have the dress picked out but it is possible she didn't know the price because they're not usually posted online. $240 for a tux is much cheaper than what my FH paid last year to be in a wedding ($350) so you may have gotten a deal on that believe it or not. Tuxes are so common in weddings I think most people expect them, but my FH just wants to wear a black suit and his GM can wear regular black suits that they buy for less and keep!

Basically these things are expensive at most places and it's to be expected when being a BM or GM even though it's not very considerate. It may be something that you and your FH have to talk about if you cannot afford it. Since this bride and groom have a clear vision and won't budge, you may need to back down from being in the wedding party. Just know that it is totally normal to have those high prices and make sure you're more considerate with your wedding.

We already backed out of the wedding party on Monday.

Again thank you everyone for the answers. I understand if you think that the prices are reasonable I however do not and no one in my wedding party will be paying anywhere near that for any of their attire. Like I said thank you for all the comments and I appreciate them but we are no longer in the wedding party so this is no longer an issue.

Have a great Wednesday!!

My BM dresses were $205 and our tuxes are $220. I understand especially with planning your own wedding. FH is in a wedding 2 weeks before ours and I was invited to the bachelorette and shower and since we live 2 hrs away I was a little upset due to timing and the money on top of our wedding.

Um yeah...ive found dresses for under 100 and our tux rental is only costing about 150