Etiquette on asking someone to be in your wedding. RANT!!

^^ Katie, you had "every right" to be upset about a $300 BM dress, but she has no right to be upset about a $180 dress and she is overreacting? Who are you to decide what someone else can afford? That is like me

saying I have paid $400 for a BM in the past, so obviously your $300 dress was on the lower end and you had no right to be upset. You know nothing about her finances. The bride did not check budgets before deciding on the dress. That is the main issue. It was inconsiderate of her friends and their finances. She has every right to be upset just like you were with a $300 dress.

OP, I'm glad you made the best decision for yourself.

@Amanda

She did not offer to help financially, however she did remind me that Davids Bridal has a credit card I could get.

I think some PP are missing that the $180 was to RENT the dress. Which is insane.

I think you made the smart decision and stepped down. The fact that she told you to just get a credit card for a BM dress when you explained to her the money situation is insane. I'm sorry OP.

@Katie B

I have said this several times throughout these 4 pages. I'm fine with paying the $180 for the dress, it's the $240 for the tux on top of the $180. AND the WP was never told how much we were expected to pay for clothes for their wedding. It's rude and in bad taste to say "this is the dress/tux I want you to wear, this is how much it will cost (only after being asked for the prices) and if you can't afford that then David's Bridal has a credit card you can sign up for". There's no room for change to help anyone that doesn't want to blow $500 on someone else's wedding. It is rude, point blank. If I had tons of money to waste on something like that, there wouldn't be an issue. But I do not, and if I did I would spend it on my own wedding to be honest.

So again, the dress price IS NOT THE ISSUE.

I wonder if this bride that OP is talking about is on WW?

I agree with OP here. For the record though my bridesmaids can wear potato sacks and in the end I just want them standing there with me. I feel like 180$ for a bridesmaids dress IS a lot of money for a bridesmaids dress, especially because that is before alterations which can be more than the dress. Plus I am in TWO weddings and FH is in another one in a two month period, and a shower we are hosting for one, and a destination bachelorette we are hosting for the other. So that's also 3 travel reservations for over 100+ for each hotel in a short time span. But the one was 136$ (not awful, and the other was 65$ VERY thankful)

I personally am always looking for other options through sellers that aren't "bridal party sellers". I feel that a lot of times vendors jack up prices when the word "wedding" is introduced. I found some lovely dresses that I want my bridal party to wear on Amazon for like 70$, Etsy has some custom dress makers too. So I suggest she look at other retailers that aren't specifically "bridal" you might fare better, plus the other bridesmaids will thank you.

I'm sorry but, the minute you accept to be in a wedding party there are assumed cost. The dress picked should go with the venue and vision of the wedding. If the bride is having a backyard wedding then fine, but if its a black tie event, I doubt you can fine much under $150.

Jennifer, WTF? Maybe you treat your loved ones like props, but most of us don't.

@Brittany T

I'm glad you and your FH stepped down from her WP. It sounds like the right choice for you especially at this time in your own planning and possible house shopping.

Personally I think the bride was inconsiderate and pushy (telling you to get the DB credit card, wtf?) I wouldn't doubt she's currently trying to replace the spots that you and your FH vacated in her WP with backups.

@Kari

I wouldn't be surprised if she is trying to replace us, and that is 100% okay with me. I feel bad about how all of this happened, and if she needs someone to fill our spots then I truly hope she can find someone. But there were things that weren't handled "correctly". But this is just a learning lesson for me and my own wedding planning!

@Emily that's really not what I meant. She does have every right to be upset about that, however as a bride herself, I would assume she would know the average cost of a BM dress. Now, I didn't see that it was just to rent the dress, I thought this was for purchase. And as a rental? That's ridiculous. To purchase? IMO no.

@Brittany, I do think it's rude to assume that your wedding party can afford whatever you ask them to, that's not what I'm saying. That's you and FH's personal choice not to be in the wedding due to cost, and it seems you made the right decision for you. No need to attack.

My bridesmaid dresses were $200 and our tuxes were $230, pretty standard in my opinion. And my cousin is getting married in September and the dress I have to wear for hers is $250, so I think the prices she gave are pretty normal.

Future Mrs. Holz, you might want to actually read the thread before you respond.

I don't think this is outrageous. Most bridesmaid's dresses are less than awesome, and I've donated every single one I've ever worn, so I'd be happy to rent.

Everyone on WW says to ask for budget, but in my real life experience only one of my friends asked budget before choosing a dress. I generally expect to pay somewhere in the range of $150 and $250 for the dress. For H, it's usually around $200 for the tux. These prices are not out of line or rude.

If you don't want to pay it, drop out.

I think the rude part was not discussing budgets first. I don't think I would choose a $180 dress for my BMs either, TBH.

@Macy P

We did just that.

JFC IS ANYONE READING THROUGH PREVIOUS COMMENTS?????????

Anyway, yes to everything that Emily, and Elizabeth said. That's all I got. LOL

Your over reacting. Prices are average. My BMs paid 160 for their dresses and the GMs bought their 3 piece suits for 150. My 17 yr old brother already wore his again for his senior portraits. Maybe your FH can wear his tux for your upcoming wedding as well.

If I were you and you really needed to cut cost, I would bow out, but let FH stand as BM. I agree with a pp, if the BM drops it can be a friendship ending move.

I do find these comments to be rude though

"So the wedding they are having in October is just for looks honestly"

"I think it's ridiculous, especially for a "wedding" that isn't even real."

$180 isn't that bad at all for a BM dress. I ended up paying $270 for one that I'm in in September