Etiquette on asking someone to be in your wedding. RANT!!

@Devin G

I didn't say it wasn't real, I just think to demand people to pay $400+ to go to your vow renewal is a bit much.

Yes, agreed! I would say demanding anyone pay any amount of money, regardless of the occasion, is a bit much!

I'm with Emily and Elizabeth on this one. Yeah, she could just drop out but she should've asked what each person is okay spending. I think OP has every right to be irritated. It's not the cost itself...it's the principle.

I don't think every person is spending 400 plus.... 200 a person just for you it's double because you and your FH have to both pay..

Look girl. If you don't want to pay it.. dont.. just tell them you can't and you're really sorry.

@op I'd be dropping out. She sounds rude and inconsiderate. People get what they deserve....

@Brittany T,

I think it was very inconsiderate of the bride to not check your budget beforehand and just assumed you and all the bridesmaids would be good & happy with her dress choice and price. While $180 is a pretty common BM dress amount, her assumption and lack of inquiry to your budget was the rub of annoyance.

The price for the tux rental is a bit much--IMO. Yeah, again, it's not so much the price but the bride's total assumption that you will pony up $500 without even previously checking with you on your budget.

I think $500 is a pretty penny to spend especially when you're saving for your own wedding. Is it possible to buy the tux and use it for your wedding? Too bad it's a tux, a dressy suit would get so much more use. It's pretty ludicrous to state you were expecting the bride to pay (!) I didn't read that in your account.

The blatant inconsideration of the bride to assume you just had 500 lying around to use as dress up for her wedding photos--because essentially that's what it is--in addition to the money you'll pay for a bridal shower gift, what you'll spend on the bachelorette night or weekend festivities, what you'll spend traveling to her wedding, paying for their wedding gift, and any other incidentals like hotel, Uber (if drinking) childcare, pet care, food cost while you're at the wedding event, etc.

So, your options: suck it up silently and pay.

Suck it up and maturely tell the bride why you're disappointed in her wedding party attire etiquette and attitude toward friends. Or drop out and save the money for your wedding. I'd decide how close of a friendship you have and then proceed from there.

ETA.. edited for words

@Kari

You are exactly right! Although the money is an issue, it's honestly not the main one. It's the lack of consideration for their wedding party. Thank you for your advice!!

On Long Island, unfortunately both of those prices are quite reasonable.

Well my girls dresses were 140. My moms 130 with alterations her dress came out to 240. My gyys came out to 95 dollars but we check many other. That price is about average. If its too much you should step down. I rsther someone tell me they cant be in the wedding due to financial then anything.

They dis wrong by not asking whats everyones budget. I was considerate with mine. Rven though i didn't ask no one but i was def on a budget and made sure my bridal party didn't have to pay crazy amount.

I think when you agree to be in a wedding you know that there will be costs associated with the dress and tux at least. If you have financial constraints that should have been made clear when you were asked to be part of the WP

My girls dresses were $240 each but we went into the salon with the intention of me paying for them. they were allowed to pick out whatever they wanted (i picked the designer for color symmetry and color) as long as it was under $300. we all loved the ones they got the best. I would never expect my girls to drop all that money on a dress they will wear once, along with all the other costs associated with a wedding. if i wanted them to pay i would have had them pick a cheaper dress

OP, I haven't read the PP; but this is my take on it personally.

The couple should have ask the WP what kind of budget they are comfortable with & shopped for something within that budget. Doesn't sound like that happened here : (

Has anyone talked to the couple about the cost? If not, they may not know this is an issue for anyone.

The fact that they married early, doesn't make their celebration/reception any less important. I understand you're frustration; but it sounds like you really don't want to stand up at all?!?

Yikes! To be honest I had no idea how much bridesmaids dresses and tux rentals cost, even when I started planning my own wedding, I assumed they were around $100 each. I know my wedding party is mostly fast food/retail workers and students, so I decided to find really inexpensive outfits. I didn't realize how expensive those rentals were until worked at a bridal lounge that sold bridesmaid dresses and rented tux's this summer. I was shocked when I saw the price tags! Personally I would never ask my girls to spend that much, I felt bad enough thinking about $100 dresses. Maybe you should check in with her about your budget and see what she says? It is completely reasonable for you to find this too expensive.

Due to my dress being a very casual $99 David's Bridal sale dress, I thought it would be ok for my girls to have a nice party dress. I found a $120 dress on clearance for $30 at Banana Republic, tracked down stores where all of my girls could call and order them and even ended up helping two of my girls who didn't have the money at that moment. For our guys we are doing plain black pants, a white button down dress shirt and ties, also about $30 per person. I know my wedding is a lot more casual than most and a lot of people wouldn't want this, and that's fine, but I'm really proud of the fact that I kept costs down for everyone. I think it would be reasonable to discuss what you can afford with her. There may be a less expensive tux that you can order, for example. You may not be the only ones struggling.

Can we all just stop right here with the "this is standard" drivel? Paying nearly $200 to RENT a bridesmaid dress is not standard in any sense of the word. Expecting your bridal party to go into debt for your pictures is not standard. Using your loved ones as props is not standard. The bride sounds like a crappy friend who puts her wedding and vision ahead of her friends.

@Kay any financial constraints should be addressed by the bride and groom, who are supposed to ask privately.

@Kay, While people generally know being invited to be in a WP will cost some money, most might not have any idea up front especially if one hasn't been in a wedding before or has started planning one.

A lot of friends are excited to be asked to be a bridesmaid and will say yes before knowing the full extent of the cost of being involved. I can't think of any BM upon being asked, "Will you be my bridesmaid?" Immediately asked in return, "How much will it cost me in full?"

Agree with @Elizabeth, any financial constraints should be addressed by the couple, it's on them to privately ask their WP's budgets.

We have both stepped down from being in the wedding party as respectfully as possible. She wasn't happy with our decision and she told me so. I did apologize to her several times, and she told me she would eventually get over it because she still wants to be my friend.

It sounds like you made the best choice for you. I agree and disagree with some comments made on this thread, as it should be obvious that there are costs associated with being in a BP, but she should have been considerate and asked her BP in private their budgets and tried her best to work within those budget constraints.

If she's so upset, she could have offered to help you financially if it was so important that you be part of her day. I'd let time handle this one.

I mean...I've been in your situation, OP. But let's be real, when I spent $300 not including alterations on my BM dress for a wedding a few years back, I had every right to be upset. Especially because that damn thing ripped on three of us before the end of the night! $180 is average...and my girls are spending $160 after discounts.

You may be over reacting a bit. Also, the tux rental is more expensive due to the fact that it probably comes with shoes, a tie, cufflinks, and so much more than just a dress.

BM's spend $180 before buying shoes or accessories, if they're not covered by the bride. Give me a break.