Etiquette on asking someone to be in your wedding. RANT!!

Honestly they both should have asked your budget before saying "this is what I want you to wear" so tbh that was kind of rude

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180 isn't that bad of a price... Where you expecting they paid or they would go cheaper?

While she should have asked your budget 180 is about average. I'd say renting a tux will be in the same ball park.

She replies back with $240.00. That may not be a lot to some people, but we are planning our own wedding and getting bills paid off so we can start the process of buying a house after our wedding. I'm not sure what annoyed me more, the price of his tux or that neither the bride or groom mentioned it after they chose it. That's almost $500 that I could spend on my own wedding! I let her know that the price was a bit much with our planning going on and that I would have my fiancé talk to the groom about it. Her reply back to that was:

"Josh had to pay 100 more for his for the wedding he was a groomsmen in last year it was ridiculous".

I'm just shocked that they are expecting us to pay that much without any warning. Not one mention of how much anything will be. I can't imagine choosing expensive attire and not telling anyone in my wedding party and expecting them to be okay with this. Especially while planning their own wedding. And the fact that I'm basically paying $500 to go to a reception.....

Anyone else think this is about on the rude side? Or am I just overreacting?

That isn't a crazy amount.. but if y all can't afford it you might have to tell her you guys are bowing out because financially you can't afford it with what's going on..

Sorry guys!! It wouldn't let me type any more in the post so the rest of it is in a separate comment

180 is a ridiculous amount for a dress for someone else's wedding that you will only where once. No thanks. I would just drop out.

I would never just pick a dress and tell my BMs to pay for it without asking their budget. Just because she wants to spend a bunch on her wedding doesn't mean she can just expect everyone to shell out money. There was a bride in here the other day asking what to do if her BMs did have the 250 she wants them to allocate to their outfits. It's one thing to have a vision but another to just expect someone to drop 200 on a dress without knowing their budget strains.

Could buy the tux if it's going to be the same color of your wedding and save some money that way.. but I think it might be over reacting because you guys do pay for you're own clothes for the wedding

$180, while not the cheapest, is pretty much in target range for bridesmaids and for your FH, tux rentals are tux rentals.

If there are budgetary concerns, you can bow out. Keep in mind, though, October is two months and a week away. Dropping out of the wedding party at this point--especially as a best man--is a potentially friendship-ending move.

Neither of those are expensive, I'm sorry. When you get to that point you will find that out. My FH paid 230 to rent a tux for his best friends wedding last year. The dresses were looking at are 260. For one couple planning a wedding too, yes I understand how it can seem expensive. They should have asked you your budget before deciding on any attire. But in all honesty, you should have thought about cost when agreeing to be in their BP.

I really have no issue with my dress price. It's the price of the suit on top of my dress AND no mention of it when asking people to be in the wedding. I did ask her if this was the cost to rent or buy the tux, as I had thought that maybe he could wear it in our wedding as well.

Maybe I am overreacting, but I still feel it's rude to expect people to pay that much for a suit and not at least giving them a heads up,:/

@Jessica B

I did expect to have expenses for a wedding, but I've been in a wedding when the tux cost $82 because they got a deal. $82 - $240 is quite a large range, people shouldn't have to guess how much they will need to pay. It should be made clear.

Disagree with Jessica. That is not ok. We say ALL the time on here that brides need to check their BM's budgets before choosing a dress, and choose something for the lowest amount. To spring that cost on you out of nowhere without a head's up is rude.

Same with the tux - the groom could have at least asked your FH's budget. $240 is on the higher end if it's a rental.

$180 is pretty standard for a BM dress. I didn't ask my BMs their budget, I just found the cheapest possible dress. ($70, I knew that was affordable for all of them, and I also told them when the dress was 15% off, so some got it cheaper.) Bottom line: weddings are expensive. It's unfortunate that this couple didn't "for-warn" or ask individuals their budget, but if you want to be a part of their wedding you're going to have to deal with it. The dress for my sisters wedding was over twice what mine is, she never bothered to ask us if the price was okay. Thankfully we got the order for our dresses canceled with our money back after she cancelled the wedding.

My wedding is over a year away and although I haven't looked into what the men will wear, I have looked up dress costs and I'm not going to require my BP to spend a ton of money on a dress for MY special day. I want to be as budget friendly as possible because I know being in a wedding isn't cheap and I don't want to put financial strain on someone to be in my wedding because I couldn't choose something affordable.

@MrsWrs

I posted to get opinions on if this is normal etiquette or not. Thankfully I got some real answers from a lot of people. I am aware of my option to drop out. That was not questioned in my post.

Mrs.W, it's an issue because the bride and groom didn't have the common courtesy to ask the WP's budgets in advance of choosing attire for their wedding, standard advice that is given everyday to brides on WW. How is that difficult to understand?

"Neither of those are expensive, "

Uh, yes, they are if you can't afford it. This is not how this is done. You ask for a budget and you pick out bridesmaids dresses according to the lowest budget. If that's $75, then it's $75. You don't pick a dress and then spring it on your girls that they need to cough up $180.