Etiquette for how to throw my own bridal shower / housewarming party

Thank you to all that offered advice and not judgemental comments. I'd only invite close friends and family that love me if I were to throw any type of party. I'm blessed to have people in my life that want to celebrate with me and will not pass judgement. Sorry for y'all that have "friends and family" that judge you.

@Erin, it sounds like you're saying you want a shower but you don't want to burden them financially. And it sounds like your friends and family have already said that they would like to throw you another one, is that correct? Could you possibly send something to them and say if they really want to throw you another bridal shower you'd like to cover the expenses of it? I don't know I might get crucified for suggesting that....

I think if your peeps understand then go for it. Everyone doesn't have to do everything the same

Why not do a shower with no gifts? or have people donate to a charity - is that a thing? I think a shower & housewarming should be separate though

If you think that your close friends aren't going to judge you, you're dreaming. We hear from friends and BMs all the time on these boards whenever there are etiquette faux pas. You have been given good advice, take it or not. Stop trying to justify your shitty ideas.

Thank you, Nikki. That is an excellent idea. Thinking I might do something along those lines. And Miranda, thank you too!!

Thank you, Jessa! Having my friends and family donating to a charity in lieu of a present is another great idea!

Erin, you are controlling/manipulating the situation with the end result : getting gifts/being in the spot light.

I'm out.

Not sure why people feel so strongly about this topic/always seem so offended LOL. It's your life, do you! your family and friends know you and your situation and will understand whatever you choose to do.

No. Having them donate to a charity isn't a great idea. Maybe they don't love the cause you picked or the administration of the charity you picked.

I'm with Kathleen. Out.

Listen to Jessa. That's what you want to hear, right? And you'll almost always hear it from one star people.

@elphab but calling the OP "belligerent" isn't?

@Jessa, generally, if you plan on insulting someone's intelligence, it comes across more effectively if your post includes correct grammar.

ETA: And @Celia didn't violate CGs, she said OP is acting belligerent, not that OP is belligerent. There's a line, and the regulars know how to not cross it.

@Elphaba OP said her bridesmaids said they wanted to throw her another one, but she told them no because they already spent so much for her first one. Sooo why would they feel obligated?

@Jessa the stars have to do with how long users have been around and how much users post/comment. Usually, 1/2 star users are very new to these forums and take this helpful advice from strangers who don't know you as mean, rude, sassy, and snarky.

The users here are trying to help Erin G. But she is shutting down the proper etiquette to throwing a shower. You don't. It's as simple as that. The proper etiquette to throwing your own shower is not to throw one for yourself.

Jessa and Erin. I suggest y'all stick around, lurk, read posts, get a feel of the community and pull those big girl panties up. I too was once a one star user looking for proper etiquette on a cash bar because I (personally) do not drink and man did Celia rip me a new one and I am ever so thankful she did. I am now properly hosting all of my guests with the proper etiquette. Friends and family may love Erin and NOT say anything to her face well because .. they love her. We do not know Erin. We will not say it behind Erin's back, we will happily post here where she can read it and give her the advice she is asking for in order for her loved ones NOT to talk behind her back.

If you think something is a vio, Jessa, flag it. The mods will decide. You don't get a free pass to name call just because you think someone else did.

The reason weddings have a lot of etiquette and hosting requirements is because what you do to guests and family during the process can effect their opinions of you and your partner, and can ultimately really damage relationships if you follow the "I want, I get" road. Everyone who has been here for awhile is trying to help people not damage or end relationships through rudeness and poor hosting. Two whole families, sometimes with additional step families, are coming together with all of their drama and expectations and relationship difficulties and history. Practicing good etiquette and good hosting ensures that not a single person will be offended, upset, feel uncared for, be angry, or draw negative conclusions about the characters of the couple. It's pretty simple stuff. "You do you" has a really high risk of hurting, offending, or angering someone, usually for no good reason. If you prefer a forum that endorses "you do you," all of the Facebook bridal groups are rife with that attitude and approach, as is Wedding Bee. Not telling not to lurk and post here, because it is a much more valuable place, but it may just not suit your needs.

Celia is one of the most valued members of the community. She has officiated more weddings than you have had hot dinners, and had catered professionally. She is a terrific resource because she has literally seen it all, and is an incredible officiant. You may not care for her style of posting, but her advice is always worth considering.

Thanks for the input all. but still don't understand why people can't have different opinions/why are they judged for that? isn't that the point of this forum .. The know-it-all attitude is a little off-putting to me

@Jessa. Like I said, stick around and lurk for a while.

Oddly enough, at this point, I'm just amazed. Thankfully some can truly read and give "suggestions." The trend seems to be repetitive with no original comment/thought. I'm happy to know the officiant in the group "isn't" judgemental, but "acting." ??

. Double post

@Jessa Etiquette is not an opinion.

@Erin The reason you got the same advice over and over is because there is only one piece of advice that follows the etiquette for someone throwing their own shower; you don't.