Etiquette for how to throw my own bridal shower / housewarming party

#stillgiftgrabbythough

Don't throw your own, regardless if you had to give presents back in the past.

This is coming across as extremely entitled and gift-grabby. Yes, showers are usually hand-in-hand with weddings, but brides are not entitled to have one - someone offers.

So, wait for someone to offer. If you don't want your BM to do it, then maybe a relative? My cousin threw mine.

But throwing a party for yourself to get gifts? Rude.

You can't just throw your own bridal shower. If no one offers you suck it up and don't have one. You'll still get wedding gifts but, it's inappropriate to throw a party in your own honor. ETA - clarity

I'm sorry for your past experience. That is not a voucher for bad behavior.

and yes ... I have had bad things happen to me. I'm 50 years old. I have done the wrong thing and the right thing. Doing the right thing is always best. ALWAYS. Regardless of what happens to you, do the right thing.

Your past experience isn't a reason to be rude. You can't throw your own gift-giving event in honour of yourself.

Sorry, but you still cannot throw your own shower. It is gift-grabby and an etiquette no-no. The fact that the advice here is unanimous should be evidence enough that it just is not an acceptable thing to do.

It is fine to host your own housewarming though. I mean, who else would host a party for your new house other than the owners of the house. However, that is not a gift giving event so you cannot register for it, and you have to host it. Whenever I get invited to a housewarming I do always bring some kind of gift, as do the other people in my circle. Usually wine/some other booze, or i'll ask the couple specifically if there is anything they need/want.

I'm sure I'll get a lot of shit for this but I disagree with a lot of the "etiquette" rules on here I think a lot of them are contradicting. I feel like 1. Your bridal party would throw you a shower or at least help you with one 2. If I was invited to a shower I wouldn't even think twice about who was throwing it. I would go, have a great time and buy the bride a gift off her registry.

There will be no one else that will throw one for me. My cousin is one of my bridesmaid and threw it for me last time. My mom and step mom can't afford to throw me one, I'll be paying for all their expenses for my wedding as is. My sister just had a baby and has zero time to plan. I've even had a few friends suggest "hey why don't you do a shower/housewarming". Clearly, most of y'all don't get it. Thanks anyways.

Why did you ask the question if you did not want to take our advice? O_o

It seems like you don't want to have your bridesmaids go through the trouble because they have gone through it already for your bridal shower, which is really considerate of you. But I'm sure cancelling your wedding in the past was a really bad experience and giving gifts back was really uncomfortable and I would imagine people would be happy that you get to this again and will WANT to throw your shower. Please, let them! People enjoy doing things for other people and sometimes even get upset when you turn them down.

Just please, don't throw your own! House warming... yes... but if it's JUST a house warming party

"If anyone has any real suggestions, please I'll really appreciate them."

These are real suggestions.. just not the ones you were hoping for. You are clearly going to do what you want regardless of what people say. No one here is going to say it's okay, despite your thoughtful intentions

I asked the question because I was looking for advice, not permission, on ways to go about it. I didn't ask if I should or not.

I know my bridesmaids would throw me another shower in a second but they all already spent 100s of dollars each to throw mine last time. I will not let them do it again,

Showers just aren't about gifts either, it's one of the celebrations/events leading up to the wedding. It's a mini-party for everyone to come and enjoy. It's not just about gifts.

How about throwing a thank you party after the wedding to thank your bridal party etc.?

Just an idea

Erin, you are contradicting yourself. Back off your BMs. Let them celebrate you or respect your decision.

Either way, let be what will be. You are being too controlling. I mean this with all do respect.

Loosen your leash. You're choking the ones who mean the most to you!

ETA : Your OP is making you look greedy. Do not throw your own shower and do not host a house warming party prior to or shortly after your wedding. If you really want to host a party in your new home, wait until the first week of December 2018.

Do not throw your own shower.

If you have a housewarming you can enjoy all of the friendship, celebration, and good wishes of a shower. The only difference for a shower is the gifts. You appear to REALLY want a shower and not a housewarming. I wonder why that is? It's bad manners to throw your own shower, it will make you look greedy and give people a negative impression of you. If you are willing to trade that for gifts then do continue, as I'm sure you will.

Just do a housewarming party instead. If a friend of mine did that and happened to be getting married, I'd just use the registry for convenience. Either people will bring a bottle of wine, a candle, or a smaller gift from your registry. Then you aren't throwing your own shower and you still get the gifts and fun of it. Problem solved

I think it's sad that you won't take into consideration what people are trying to tell you. I would NEVER throw my own shower and I'm fully comfortable admitting that I love me some attention and gifts. It's just not something you do.

Oh, we get it. You want a gift giving party and you'll throw it yourself no matter how many people tell you it's tacky.

You got advice. People told you not to do it.

You don't